Wake Me Up
by BeautyIsHerName
Summary: Troubled and abused, teens are forced to come to grips with their tragic pasts at a camp. Making amends with each other and learning more about themselves, these teens are forced to trust each other through vigorous challenges. Love will be found. Hate will be created on this journey. Batie, Darisol AUish *DISCLAIMER*
1. Dead In the Water

Dead In the Water

Ellie Goulding

Chapter 1

….

"_Damn…" the nightwalker looked at herself in the cracked mirror. "He got me good." Her eyes paid attention to the black ring around her eye. The blood slightly oozing from the little gash underneath it._

_Grabbing the alcohol and cotton balls in her cabinet, she began her daily ritual. Immune to the sting. Immune to feelings. Immune to pain. _

_His heavy hand that struck her. Flung her to the other side of the room. Her head hit against tables. Her body fell on the hard ground as she had to gather enough energy to get up. To look in his eyes. His black red eyes. To face his punishment._

_The man who owned her. His distinct chin. His cold blue eyes. The rough stubble that attracted any woman to him. The big hands that broke noses. The scrapes on his hand proved this._

"_No…no don't…..Ben…" Bianca waited for his hands to grip her hair. And he took his time. _

_Taughting her._

_Teasing her…_

_Making her want to get it over with._

_Her pulse raced. Her fingers gripped her ripped fish legged stockings. Her eyes fixated on his tall stature. The venomous smile on his face. He knew that he fueled her with fear. He knew he overpowered her mentally…physically. She was his toy._

"_It won't happen again Ben…I'm…ahhhhhhhhhhhhh." Her mouth let out a gut-wrenching scream as his hand gripped her hair._

"_You little bitch." His lemony breath touched her ear as he flung her on the ground again. The sound of her hitting the ground hard had no meaning to him. Staring down at her. The bruises on her wrist. He stood still with his fists formed. She looked at him._

_Helpless._

_Her brown eyes showing her need for him to stop hurting her._

_But this was his business._

_And he never showed favoritism._

"_Please Ben…I…I…." She felt his hands pull her up. The excruciating pain of feeling her hair being pulled out from each follicle…._

"_You came up short." His breath in her face. His dark eyes blaring into hers._

"_I…i…" Her voice became hoarse from his brutality. "It is just a couple…."_

"_Silence…..i don't have time for excuses." He easily slammed her into the wall. Her right eye hit against the door handle…as she fell onto the ground._

"_this is the last time Bianca…this is the very last time this discussion will be had." He stood before her….._

"No….."She whispered over and over again as her body woke up. Taking a deep breath, she felt the motion of the vehicle as it took its course on the road. Looking out the window, the path seemed to lead them nowhere but woods and more grass.

The heat from the air. The humidity made her more exhausted as she looked at the other teens. One on each seat. But they all had something in common.

Troubled. Addicted. Abused. Neglected. They were all gathered to…..

"Owww….." She said blandly feeling someone tug her hair on the long bus that kept driving. Taking a deep breath, she looked straight ahead at the seat in front of her. She was trying to not let her anger get the best of her. She was trying to ignore the culprit and be the bigger person.

But the laughter behind her fueled her more as she felt another tug.

"Hey…..what's your problem?" She turned around to see the dirty blonde pucker his lips at her.

"How about me and you find a nice spot in the woods when we get there." He obnoxiously flirted.

"How about you keep your hands to yourself…or else I will break it off." The sassy girl threatened.

"Not going to do that now…are you….with counselors looking." He said smugly as Bianca mirrored his expression.

"Apparently you aren't that good at observing your surroundings." She pointed to one counselor who was sleep a couple of seats behind them.

"Whatever." He shut up as the badass turned around in triumph. It seemed as if no one wanted to break their probation quickly or go back to there lives. If so, they all could have taken over the bus. With the lack of handcuffs, this was all that was floating inside their many minds…..

"Ow…I told you…" She began feeling the boy's hands in her hair as she nearly jumped out of her seat.

"Why don't you just leave her alone….." The two heard a voice on the seat beside them. Turning their heads, they saw a beautiful red head who gained their attention. Her blue eyes serious. The scars on her arms were a complete contrary of the voice that roared inside of her.

"What are you going to do about it cutter?" The boy huffed.

"That's right. Mind your own business princess." The tough girl looked at the red head who rolled her eyes at both of them. This was her battle. No one ever fought for her and she wouldn't let it happen now.

"Fine." The princess kept her eyes straight ahead. Staring at the seat before her. Feeling the chill around her. She held herself. She felt as if she had been riding this bus forever. And they were disappearing into an abyss. Far, far away from others. Maybe that was what she wanted. To never see her mother's face. To never feel as a disappointment…..

_Katie sat at the kitchen table. Her perfect plate with scrambled eggs, toast, and bacon. Just like she liked it. But as she looked up, no one was there to welcome her._

"_Sorry Ms. Matlin." The older woman poured her orange juice as she sat beside her._

"_Winnie. I told you. You don't have to call me that….you are practically my mother." The teen looked as the woman grabbed her hand. _

_Another breakfast without her mother. The woman who gave birth to her. The woman who handed her away._

"_I know your mother wishes she could be here." The maid kissed her forehead._

"_Spare me the story." Katie looked at the soccer bag beside her as the woman frowned._

"_I am sixteen. I'm almost an adult….and I know this is just….." The girl said softly._

"_It doesn't make this anymore easier. Katie I know you want your mother to be here with you…and I know I am just a maid…but…."_

"_Winnie…it's alright." She ate to hide back her tears. To belong to a family where she hardly saw her mother. The woman who passed her along to a maid who had the heart of gold. The older woman who loved her as if she was hers._

_Eating her bacon, she noticed the woman look closely at her sleeve._

"_Katie…" The woman gasped at the blood that showed through her jacket sleeve. "What happened?" The woman pressed a towel hard against the wound._

"_Nothing…I accidently hit my hand against the door frame." The girl bit her lip hoping the woman believed her._

"_Well. You need to be more careful dear." She grabbed the first aid kit as the teen nodded feeling the alcohol swab on her wrist as the woman wrapped her wound with gauze._

"_Thanks…love you." The teen finished eating as she grabbed the bag. Looking inside as she closed the door behind her. Finding the little razor inside, she took a breath of relief._

"Hey…." She heard a voice from the seat in front of her.

"yeah?" Katie sat up as she saw one counselor making his rounds up and down the aisle. Making sure no one was talking. Showing his agitation at the other one who continued to sleep away.

"That was good what you did…even if that girl didn't want it. I'm Marisol." The red head couldn't see the girl's face. But she made an attempt to make a friend.

"I'm Katie." The girl nodded as they looked out the window. No cows. No nothing.

And as she drifted in and out of sleep, she was more than relieved to see the bus pull up into a group of secluded cabins….surrounded by woods. Seeing the many other counselors waiting on them.

"Alright." The tall bald man waited for the bus driver to stop. His deep voice called for authority as they all listened to him. "You will leave this bus accordingly. Bring your bags with you. They will be placed in your rooms by our officials. No funny business…I can assure you that we are all trained in self defense…and we are not afraid to make an example out of each and everyone of you." The man looked in their eyes.

"You will leave this bus one seat at a time….starting with you." He looked at one teen who obeyed.

Bianca huffed at the man who seemed to intimidate them all. But she had learned to fear no one. Especially a man, because all they did was take without asking. Disregarding her right to make her own choice. Ignoring her screams for them to stop.

Watching the red head leave, she bit her lip. What made her want to take up for her anyways?

Realizing it was her turn, she left the bus as she was welcomed with pine fresh air. The kind of air that made you feel relieved. It was a sickening joke. Life was never truly without shackles.

"Miss over here." The woman begged for the teen as she obeyed. Looking at her group.

The five of them.

The red headed princess with scars on her arms. Her loose ponytail showing her unsure face. Probably was mad because she lost a pageant or wrecked her car.

A black teen girl whose eyes showed her fear of this place. A few pounds underweight, she was probably as superficial as she appeared.

A black teen boy whose hardened eyes proved he had chosen his own fate and that he would never change. Just like her. There was no hope for them.

And the asshole who kept pulling her hair. He was probably some rich kid who always got what he wanted. And his parents probably shipped him here to teach him a lesson.

"Welcome to Camp Treasure…" The ginger greeted with a stern tone. "We are here to help you find your way through addiction, abuse and any other obstacles that are hindering you. Your families love you and they want you to live to without fear. But you have to want to do this. So right now you need to make a choice."

"How about I chose to run away. To go home now." The black boy looked the woman in face as Bianca snickered.

"Feel free to….just make sure you beware of all the poisonous snakes. And I hope your feet don't give out before your stomach does…because your are dead man either way." The counselor bit back as the boy shook his head back and forth.

"This is stupid." He continued to talk as the black girl interrupted.

"Would you shut up? Some of us want help." The girl didn't back down as the boy huffed at fiery girl.

"Why don't we all start off by our names. And reason for why we are here. We have no discretion here…and everything is out in the open….if you don't want to say it…I will read it off on this sheet." The official grinned smugly seeing the semi circle. "I will go first."

"My name is Ellie Nash. I was once in your shoes here. I was lost…cutting because I missed my father and my mom was an alcoholic." She admitted as the others listened.

"My name is Marisol Lewis. I was a local model…I'm addicted to diet pills….and anorexic." She looked down at the ground feeling their eyes on her. Especially the black boy.

"I'm Katie Matlin. I'm a cutter." She shrugged. "I use to do pills too…codeine." The badass looked at her statement. Who knew?

"Mike Dallas….stealing…fighting….my parents think this is going to change me." He said cynically.

"Luke Baker….stealing cars." The boy looked at the curly haired quick-tongued girl who was still reluctant to speak.

"….Bianca Desousa….stealing….prostitution…."She saw their eyes widen. "Yeah that's right…I am a whore. But I don't give it up too easily." She sent Luke a death glare.

"We never said anything like that Bianca." Ellie said with kindness.

"But I can guarantee the others are already judging me. I didn't want to come here in the first place…my probation officer gave me a choice. Either here. Or I would be locked up for a year…" She admitted as she saw the two other girls look at each other.

Katie couldn't wrap her mind at what the girl just revealed. That explained her hardness. And it saddened her. To think that girls were tarnished in such a way that they couldn't except a kind gesture. That's why they constantly thought that people were out to hurt them.

"Poor baby…" Marisol whispered at the girl who was clutched by the counselor. Katie could only nod. She knew what it was like to be taken advantage of. And there was nothing she could do about it. No one believed her. If anything, it was her fault.

"Don't touch me…." Bianca pushed the ginger gently away from her. She didn't need a hug or sympathy. She just wanted to get this procedure out of the way.

"Ok…ok…" Ellie saw the badass's eyes ask for help. But the girl was too proud to admit it. "Now…we will go to the bathroom hall." She guided them to the cabin.

Marisol knew she wanted help…but the city girl inside of her wanted to run away from this. The bugs. The hiking boots.

Yes. Even with her dependency she still cared about her looks. That was her problem now. That was how she got into this mess. She wanted to be the next Tyra Banks. Naomi Campbell.

_Sitting up in the bed she had shared. Feeling the uncomfortable arm around her, she gently removed herself from his grasp as her feet touched the carpet. Her hand on her hand, she disappointed herself once again._

_She didn't even know his name. all she knew was that she needed to get her clothes on. He was just some cute guy at a dinner. He was just a good dancer…as well as an up and coming photographer._

_She knew what the pill was he had offered her. And she knew it was bad, but she didn't want to be left out. She didn't want to talked about. And as it went down her throat, her mind became putty. All the colors became one…and his words became silent in her ears. Her flesh became eerily sensitive to touch._

"_How about we go somewhere and talk." The beauty only nodded as the handsome man guided her away from the dance floor._

Ellie guided the three girls inside as a male counselor took the boys to the other side. Watching their faces become adjusted to their new lives never got old. And hearing the other counselors preach to their groups never got old either.

"You guys have two choices." The ginger began. "Life or death…." She stated as the three stood in front of the three sinks….with big mirrors.

"Take a long look at yourselves….this is who you are. And you have to decide if this is who you want to stay. I will not lie to you, some campers have committed suicide because they were not able to leave obstacles behind….but I want you guys to know that I am here….to talk to. I have been through the exact things you have." She assured them.

"And now you girls are going to wash your face." She said as they obeyed. Feeling the cold water on their face.

"Many of you can not look at yourself because you can't see yourselves for who you are behind the makeup. This will be the last time you all will be wearing it for a while. And I hope you didn't bring any with you…because it is being collected as we speak."

"Are you serious?" Bianca wiped her face harshly as the woman nodded smugly at her.

"Your bags have been searched….basically anything harmful is taken away. Razors, earphones, over the counter prescriptions…"

"What about music….." Katie asked as she noticed the gash under Bianca's eye as she tried to hide it with her hand.

"Liberties are earned here….and right now…..we are on our way to your cabin…" Ellie noticed the black girl began to shake.

"You will definitely be shaking more than that." The counselor warned her as the black girl nodded.

"And without further ado…your cabin. No wandering off. No sneaking in the boys cabins….or else you will be put in seclusion for 2 days." The girls walked inside seeing their bags placed on each bed. The windows without curtains. A couple of books on a shelf. A table with paper and pencils.

"Surprised you guys have all of this….we may get a papercut…" Bianca said sarcastically as the two rolled their eyes at her.

"Breakfast is at 8….lunch is at 12….dinner is at 6. It will be announced. If you don't eat, sucks to be you….but Marisol….we have a close eye on you and you are an exception.

"I figured." The model laid on her bed in defeat.

"Remember no funny business. Or else you will have us to be your friends for two days. You will feel like you are in prison."

"We already are." Bianca mouthed back as the woman left them alone.

The badass laughed as the two began to unpack and place pictures of their loved one's on their nightstands. Wish she had a picture of mother.

Unpacking her bag, she shook her head.

"You got to be fucking kidding me…they actually took my cellphone." She bit her lip.

"What did you think she meant by they took everything…..its not as if we wouldn't be in a dead zone anyways." The model huffed.

"I wasn't asking you." Bianca bit back.

"Ok…ok…girls….." The red head saw the two approaching one another as she stood in between. She was not a babysitter. "Why don't we….."

"Who the hell made you leader?" The badass looked at the princess.

"No one…but we have to get along because all we have now is each other if you didn't notice. Sure the counselors are here….but I'm sure our friends are…."

"I don't have friends." Bianca stated blandly as her eyes blared into the red head head's eyes.

"That's a shocker." Katie folded her arms at the girl's comment.

"What did you say?" The badass threatened with her tone.

"You know what Bianca. The minute you showed up here you have had a chip on your shoulder. And that is understandable. All of us here have gone through unimaginable things. But that doesn't give you the right to belittle or shun…" Katie began.

"Are you serious….you two should know about shunning someone. When I admitted I use to hook, you should have seen your faces…like I was scum…."

"Well you mistook belittlement for understanding and empathy." Mare began as the badass backed off. "I know what its like to trade sex for drugs…..and it wasn't supposed to be like this. I was just supposed to be a commercial model." She held herself. "I wanted to show the world the real image of beauty was to be yourself…..but then agents told me I had to lose more weight…..you aren't the only one with problems. That is why we are all here." Marisol preached.

"Now you say that….but be honest….will you guys even remember me…..each other…..all you want is to help yourself…not others around you." Bianca looked at them as they said nothing.

"That's what I thought." She grabbed her bag, she placed her clothes in her drawer. Finding a black shirt and jeans.

Katie blushed seeing the girl undress without a thought. Her gorgeous body with healed scars on her stomach and legs.

"Care to warn us next time." Mare turned her back away as she ate a Nutri-grain bar.

"Whatever….look…I'm taking a walk outside….forget the counselors." Bianca smugly flipped her hair.

"Are you serious? Do you want to violate your probation?" Katie chastised hoping the girl didn't see her blush.

"I won't get caught…sue me for being curious….besides…you aren't my mother." The badass smiled smugly seeing the girl's cute blush. "Marisol want to go with me to find a toilet to throw up in?"

The girl lifted her middle finger as she laid in the bed.

"That's what I thought too…you girls have a good night." Bianca left them in the room. Anywhere was better then here.

**AN:** Please tell me what you think? I know it is very different, but all of my fan fictions are different.


	2. Dead In the Water part 2

Dead In the Water

Part 2

Chapter 2

…..

Bianca knew the difference between right and wrong. Even though she never did what was right. She knew she should have turned back and apologized to those girls, but it just wasn't her thing. Apologizing meant she was weak. No one ever apologized to her. Especially her mother. Especially that man…For what he did to her.

_The little girl held herself. Gripping her hands against her arms. The red marks he created. The bite marks on her neck. She still felt him inside of her. Hiding in the back of her closet. The bad man just left her room. And hearing the front door slam, he was gone. And she cried as she crawled weakly from her hiding place._

_Making it to her bed, her hand gripped the bed sheet as she pulled herself up. Her knees wobbling strongly. Turning around she noticed the blood that trailed on the floor. The blood on her bed. Her blood on her legs. The excruciating pain as he pushed her down….forcing himself inside her._

_She screamed louder and louder. Cried harder and harder as the man placed his hand over her mouth. But her mother never came._

"_Don't worry baby." She heard his wicked voice in her ear._

"_No…no…no…." The little girl held herself head trying to stop the flashbacks. Her screams becoming louder and louder….as she hit the floor._

"_Bianca?" The woman turned on the light seeing the girl on the ground. "What did you do?" Her tone was a serious one._

"_Mom….." The girl showed her the blood. The fear in her eyes._

"_O baby…you started your period….nothing major." The woman smiled as she held the girl._

"_no…no….Stan…he touched me….." Bianca repeated over and over again._

"_Sweetie. No he didn't. He was tucking you in." The woman informed knowing her daughter's constant lies._

"_No…no…he hurt me….he hurt me…."The little girl pleaded to the woman who didn't believe her. Why couldn't she hear the squeal in her voice? The plea she was making._

"_No he didn't Bianca. Stop making stories up." The woman pulled the girl's linen off her bed. Leaving her on the floor. "Go get the bucket and Lysol from the bathroom."_

"_But I am not….he was…I saw his thing….I felt it inside me." Bianca waited for the woman to believe her pleas. Her bruises couldn't be ignored. And the pain could be easily seen on her face._

"_You did no such thing….now you get up and go clean yourself….this instant." The woman chastised as she headed out her room. Leaving her there, to peel herself off the floor. She was not the same anymore. That man stole her soul._

Those two made her so mad that she didn't even put her repellent on. Feeling the bugs eat her alive, she made sure she was out of the night shift's view. Luckily for her, they kept walking and never stayed in one place.

Luke unpacked his clothes as he looked outside his window. Bianca was sneaking out. A rebel he was definitely impressed with. The girl who made him want more.

"Look what we have here." Luke smugly stated as he licked his lips.

"Dude…give it up." Dallas put his hand the boy's shoulder.

"I couldn't have her get caught now. Could I?" An eyebrow raised as the black boy laughed at his cockiness.

"It's too early to be chasing pussy dude." Mike looked at the other new boy who just arrived an hour ago. Lucky him, he had parents who trusted him enough to drive him here…..he didn't. But it wasn't as if he didn't deserve it….

"_Mike….Mike…." He heard his mother call for him as he headed for the door. Ignoring his mother's worried face._

"_What?" The young man yelled at woman who cared for him. Hearing her turmoil in her voice._

"_You are not going back there….." She put her foot down at her brother's defiance. Worrying at night. Waiting for the phone call of his death. This was too much for her heart._

"_I'm going to the store mom." He exclaimed. Not being able to look her in the eyes._

"_Don't lie to me. You think I don't know what you do. You think I don't notice that tattoo on your shoulder." She attempted to grab for it underneath his short sleeve shirt. "Those boys are bad for you."_

"_Mom…I'm not lying…." The boy rolled his eyes as his mother pulled up his sleeve. Seeing the red and black letters on his shoulder. His expression didn't change. Still stoic. _

"_The Locos…How could you put this family in danger like this?"_

"_I am not putting you all in any danger….Look you are over reacting…its nothing big…me and my friends that's it….it's just ….and we…." He began to explain seeing his mother's red eyes._

"_I know what you do…me and your father both know…and we are so disappointed in you. You have so much potential. Stealing from local stores…sleeping with random girls…you aren't invincible." The woman touched his face as he avoided her eyes._

"_I'm going out mom…see you tomorrow." He closed the door in her face as she cried, silently praying. He couldn't take her anymore. He couldn't take any of them._

"Well looks like it is just you and me Adam." The black boy noticed the small boy nod quietly.

Luke saw the sexy girl creep silently around the camp. Being cautious of her surroundings. He would definitely get to her before she noticed him.

Bianca felt a presence around her-but as she turned around- no one was there. She was just being paranoid. If she could escape cops, she could definitely escape these rent-a-cops.

Passing the cabins with teens. She wondered what they would all think of her if she told her story. And she eventually knew she would have to. How can five people just talk in front of complete strangers so easily? And how could they not judge? And as crazy as it sounded, every one judged. It was human nature.

She had judged Marisol. And Katie. Katie the girl who stood up for her for no apparent reason. Where was the girl when she was 10? Where was the girl when she was picked up on the street by her pimp?

Wait.

It was her own responsibility to look out for herself. Her mother had no part in her life since she ran away. But then again, she never mattered to the woman who always put men before her. If anything, her probation officer was more of a parent.

Sitting down on the grass behind her cabin, she heard Katie and Marisol's laughter. The two definitely had more in common than with her. Looking at the other end of the camp, she saw a couple of more teens sneak off. At least she wasn't the only one who had balls. But she couldn't go back inside there. She couldn't be proven wrong….especially with Katie's blue eyes.

Katie ate her Oreos and peanut butter as she offered one to Marisol, who politely declined. She had to remember that she was here to help herself first. She couldn't help others if she couldn't help herself. And it wasn't her place to try to force Mare to eat more.

Right now, she didn't know where she belonged when it became to cutting. She didn't do it anymore, yet her mind still wanted to do it. And the gashes on her arm made her reminisce of that good feeling. The stunning blade as it cut her skin.

Walking to the window, she saw Bianca sit underneath it. The girl wasn't as bad as she made herself out to be. Yes, she endured more physical pain than many. But she knew the girl wanted to be accepted…as they all did. And right now, she didn't have the heart to ostracize anyone.

Watching her curly hair flow with he night wind, Katie watched the girl become entranced with the night sky. It was nice to see a softer side of her. And she saw a hand grab for her around the corner. Not seeing a face. Racing to the door, she didn't know what to expect...and Mare's protests were ignored.

Bianca felt the arm clutch hers. What lie would she make up to get out of this? But she had to admit, this scenery did make her forget about her troubles and made her focus on herself.

"Look, I just….give me my two days. It won't happen again." The girl didn't see the teen boy laugh at her.

"Well, well…Bianca Desousa owns up to her mistakes. How admirable." He eyed her flirtatiously as she hit him back.

"Go away…." She whispered as she tried to move away from him. Surprised she could see anything in the dark.

"How about we go find a bush?" his hand boldly felt up her thigh. "Why don't you show me what you do best?" He leaned in as she slapped him hard.

_Smack_

"Crazy bitch….." He touched his face as he felt the redness appear. No one ever denied him. And his fist would show her, her place.

Raising his hand, he was taken by surprise as he felt someone pull him off the girl.

"Katie go back inside. I can handle myself." Bianca looked at the red head with shock. How did she over power him like that?

"No…if I hadn't come, who knows what he could have done to you." She pressed the boy against wood wall. His arms belonged to her now as she twisted.

"What the hell?" The boy was amazed at the girl's strength.

"It's called Tae-Kwando-Do…I've taken it ever since I was twelve." The badass was impressed by the girl.

"Look if you don't let me go…I swear my father and his lawyers…" he began.

"Makes sense to threaten someone who can turn your arm into mince meat. I could report you to the counselors, but I doubt you would want to tell them how a girl nearly beat your sorry ass." Bianca proudly watched the girl tighten her grip.

"And…what are you going to tell the counselors….huh…you can't lie." The boy felt half of his face being pressed against the wall.

"That you snuck inside my cabin of course. Ellie saw the way you were staring at me too. You don't have a leg to stand on…..now…what's it going to be?" the badass folded her arms.

"Alright…alright….." Luke pleaded.

"Apologize to her…tell her you were wrong and no means no." Katie defended the girl again.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry alright…I'm a jerk….no means no….." He felt the girl's tight grip. Damn did she get lessons from Jackie Chan himself?

"Stay away from me…." The badass smacked him upside the face as he wobbled off.

"Come on before we get caught. I bet you didn't even see if a watcher was near." Bianca chastised as she grabbed the girl's hand.

"You're welcome." The two ran inside the cabin seeing Marisol lay in the beg. The girl began to shake heavily as the girls watched her twitch.

Mare saw Katie look at her with disturbance in her eyes as she saw the red head put another blanket over her.

"No. This is part of it." Mare said softly. "Withdrawal's a bitch….it's only been out my system for a month." The girl felt herself began to sweat.

"What can we do?" Katie asked as Bianca shook her head.

"Nothing." The rebel saw this so many times on the streets. The men and woman who usually couldn't handle the body without poison. The way they lashed out at one another. Through arguments. Through fights.

"I'll be fine. I will get through this." The black girl assured the two as she tried to sleep. But her mind never let her dream. It only allowed her to relive memories…..

_Mare sat in the cold modeling office. Looking at the millions of pictures of beautiful girls that this agent helped put on the map. Hopefully, she could do the same for her. Waiting patiently for the woman to read her resume', she smiled as she saw the woman look up from her folder._

"_So Marisol Lewis." The woman adjusted her glasses as the girl smiled brightly._

"_Yes…." Her bright personality lit up the room._

"_So tell me what makes you special." The woman said frankly._

"_The fact that I am a hard worker and a people person. I am can get the job done while attracting others towards me." She beamed as the woman shook her head._

"_What I mean is what can you do that other's haven't said before….." The woman's comment made her mouth drop. She thought she had tough skin but even skin could tear._

"_Marisol. You are beautiful without a doubt. But look at this wall. All these girls are special. People relate to them."_

"_People can relate to me too. Especially brown skinned black girls. They need an inspiration. A voice. Someone other than Tika Sumpter, Gabrielle Union and Kerry Washington."_

"_Yes that's true…but still Marisol…you need a little fine tuning." The woman harped. "The camera adds 10 pounds." It was the same thing over and over again. She was sick of it._

"_But I am the healthy size for a teen girl my height and age….." She defended herself from the crude woman._

"_But you are a little short." The woman hit her with her every flaw._

"_So is Lucy Hale…Melinda Shankar….."_

"_But they established themselves before they made it big." The woman exclaimed._

"_I know I got what it takes to be a model. I have the drive, eloquence." She began saying words she didn't even know she knew._

"_But sometimes….more is required of you Marisol…keep trying. Don't give up." The woman gave her back the folder to girl._

_Sitting in her car, she looked at her black and white portraits. She wasn't good enough. She never was. Ripping them to shreads, she held herself. She had to make this work. She had to._

"Maybe being here won't be so bad after all." Bianca changed in front of the girls again. Seeing the blush upon the red head's cheek again.

"Sorry. I have to forget that I am not in a prostitute ring or on a stripper pole." Her personality took charge as she quickly put on a cami and Soffe shorts.

"No…that's alright. It just amazes me. How you don't feel uncomfortable about your body…and yet I am confined to a jacket." The tomboy shyly took it off as she changed her clothes too.

"I just. So many people have said that this camp has saved their lives. I've read the pamphlets and I want to be one of those people. Right now. I seem like I have it all under control…but I don't…and even a papercut seems tempting." She finally admitted as Bianca joined her on her bed.

"Well then. This is going to be one hell of an adventure…we may get through this." Bianca ate an Oreo as the two looked at the girl who continued to twitch. The badass hoped her words weren't in vein.


	3. Ritual

Ritual

Ellie Goulding

Chapter 3

…

Adam looked around the table at the unusual members of his group. Why did his parents have to send him here? It was their fault in the first place he did this. But at least his behavior made them ride in the same car together. Made them look at one another. But it didn't make them love each other. It didn't make his father accept him. It didn't make his mother stop pretending everything was alright.

Looking at the lumpy oatmeal in front of his face, he looked up from his plate. And he saw all of them had the same expression on their face. If they could not agree on one thing, they could agree that this food was not edible. But he was starving. And the boys in his cabin didn't make it easy for him to sleep last night. Well just one boy…Luke.

The boy who snuck out and came back with a red cheek. Chuckling mentally, he saw the boy quiet for once since he had been there.

Luke saw the two boys laugh underneath their breath. And he hated the silence at the table. The stares at his face. The three girls who smiled in satisfaction at the simple fact of his rejection. But he should be used to getting slapped around. From his father. The mighty lawyer. The great lawyer who loved to drink after hours.

The great man who felt so guilty for his habit that he gave the boy anything he wanted. The only reason his father sent him here was to get rid of him. So he could be out of his hair for months. So he couldn't be an embarrassment to his firm….

_**Slap**_

_**Luke had little time to respond as he made it into their mansion. His head hitting the other side of the wall. Falling down slowly. Eventually standing up, he watched his father walk to his bar. His best kept secret. The secret he was surprised nobody noticed. Pouring himself some whiskey. Drinking from the glass, the man looked at the bottle…sighing in disgust. Some was missing. Dammit.**_

_** "It's bad enough I got you off the hook for stealing another car…but now you sneak my whiskey." The man undid his tie as the boy listened to the mental abuse.**_

_** "Dad…." The teen began. But deep down, he knew he deserved the torment. He had no business taking the Benz for a joy ride.**_

_** "Don't dad me. Do you know how embarrassing you are? You took my employer's car…..and you did it on purpose to spite me…I can't even look at you. You are a disappointment to me. Why can't you just be like Becky? Why can't you just…?" The boy saw his twin peek in the doorway. Her heart going out to him. Why couldn't he just behave for once? Why couldn't he just lay low from their father.**_

_**Luke knew the man's temper. And she was so scared of him, that she couldn't intervene. With the whiskey on his breath, he could hit her. Holding her breath, she saw Luke mouth to her. Telling her to go back to her room. But she wouldn't budge.**_

_** "Well at least you have one child to be thankful for." The boy stated blandly. Hiding the pain in his voice. "Hopefully she won't end up like mom." The teen's statement made the man's blood boil.**_

_** "Don't you ever say that again." The man became red as his vein began to show. "I am doing the best I can with you. But my hands are tied. I give you anything you guys want. And how do you repay me? By sneaking off. Do you know parking lots have cameras now?" His voice raised as he began to preach.**_

_** "I know. I know. I'm stupid. I'm stupid….just like mom." Luke exclaimed as he walked by Becky.**_

_**"Maybe you are." The man finished his drink.**_

The model's voice pulled him from his reverie.

"I thought they wanted me to eat…." Marisol stared at the thick substance.

"Come on next top model." The black boy teased as the gorgeous girl huffed. "It's not that bad when you get use it."

"I prefer not to America's Most Wanted." She pushed the bowl aside as the others finally ate. Dallas ignored her slick comment…against his better judgment.

Seeing Ellie walk to their table with mail in her hand, the model made herself eat the thick film. And it did taste as bad as it looked. But at least her tremors were getting less and less. And her strength was returning.

"So Adam…what brings you here?" Bianca wanted to know as they as the new boy looked in her direction.

"I burn myself….." The teen shrugged as the hard seat made him adjust his legs. At least here nothing seemed to unpredictable. And the pretty tomboy seemed to really listen to him.

"Looks like me and you have something in common." Katie admitted as he nodded. "Welcome to our group." She greeted.

"It's too early in the morning…could you please drop the act Mother Hen?" Mike looked at her across the table. It was odd how many tables filled with teens there…surrounding them….yet it only seemed as if they existed.

"Excuse you?" Katie asked the boy as Mare looked as if she was getting ready to charge him again.

"Stop acting as if you have all together. You don't. That is why you are here. We are all misfits…or at least we are painted socially unacceptable to society's standards." The black boy stated as the three girls faces scrunched in anger.

"Such a smart thing to say…..at least we want to change….." Marisol began.

"You act as if everyone doesn't want some kind of change. Some people are forced to act a certain way because of their life at the time." Adam agreed at his roommate's statement.

"Whatever..." Katie knew he was right. The whole table did. But that didn't mean he had to be arrogant for jumping on her.

Adam knew this was going to be a living hell for him. Obviously, his group was divided. Boys against girls. And he didn't belong to either side. But Mike was right about society. It only saw you one way. Sure a couple may be open-minded, but the rest were always on the opposite end of the spectrum.

_Bonk, Bonk_

"What does that mean?" Adam asked the red head as he noticed the gorgeous brunette beside her look at them oddly.

"It means…the real hell begins." Bianca watched the two as they left with Ellie.

Their eyes widened as they looked at the 40 ft tall repel towel. The tall wooden wall without clutches. A couple of counselors stood at the top….waiting on them. All wearing hiking boots and jeans, Marisol's mouth couldn't close at the intimidating sight.

Ellie saw the six of them as they looked at the sight before them. But it only made her smile brighter. There was nothing more like challenging their minds and bodies together. Unzipping a bag, she passed them each a helmet, gloves, and a harness. All were hesitant to take it as they passed it down to each other. Seeing them stumble as they put on their equipment she waited.

"I didn't think I was signing up for the ARMY." Dallas looked at the tower as he made sure his gloves were on. Seeing the two men wait for them up there made him paranoid. He didn't want to make an abrupt stop if he fell.

"Agreed." Bianca bit back as she locked her helmet. "What the hell does this have to do with our problems?" Maybe she should be going against this after all.

"I will tell you if you just wait a damn moment." Ellie sassed her back as she waited for the group's undivided attention.

"You guys are expected to repel. In other words, you guys are going to work your way down the wood wall." She mentally snickered as she saw fear in all of their eyes.

"You still didn't answer the question." Mare was on Bianca's side. It must be freezing in hell now.

"With this exercise, you will learn to depend on yourself. You guys will strengthen your will power. It's not about just the fear of climbing down, but it takes strength to conquer the fear. As much as you guys have been through, you all need to learn to that are stronger than you think…and if you can pull through this. This will only increase your confidence to do so." The counselor said as she made sure all their gear was on correctly.

"You guys can do this." She stated as she give them each a smile. Mike of course, wasn't buying her story.

Katie couldn't help but still be memorized. At this moment, the wood wall seemed to be touching the sky with ease. And all the possibilities were going through her mind. What if she got stuck up there? What if there was weak cord? What if….

"Where's that go get 'er attitude?" Bianca teased as the red head shook her head at the tall tower.

"I can't do this." The red head admitted. Her sports required her to be on the ground.

"Neither can I…..I can be held down by men...and yet I can't climb down a tower. It just seems as if all of this is giving us false hope. They preach that everything will be alright. But will it?" Bianca found herself opening her heart.

"I don't know…." The red head shrugged as she looked at Marisol. The girl was rubbing her arms. "I just want to press fast forward. I just don't want to keep fighting the urge to turn anything I see into a weapon to hurt myself." The two girls saw the model hold herself even harder.

She couldn't do this. She wasn't strong enough yet. She wasn't. and the sweat. She felt it on her body. And she felt their eyes on her…though hers were closed. And the film in throat appeared. She had to get rid of the stress. Of the anxiety. Opening her eyes, the tears came as she distanced herself from them.

"Marisol…..don't do it. Fight it." Ellie read the girl's mind. Seeing her place her hands over her ears. Trying to make the voices stop.

"I can't do this. I can't." She said with defeat. Envisioning the toilet in front of her. Seeing herself give into the feeling.

Bianca and Katie tried to go to her as Ellie kept them back.

"No…you must go through pain." She assured them as Katie couldn't watch this anymore. It was too hard to imagine what the girl was going through.

All of them were nearly brought to tears. Even Luke saw the severity of the girl's anxiety attack. He wouldn't wish this on anyone. Especially his sister. And he hated the fact how she fell so lifelessly on the floor.

"I'll do it with you then." Ellie held out her hand as the boys looked at her breakdown.

Mike looked at the girl. And she was right. He didn't belong here. It wasn't fair for people who wanted the help but couldn't find themselves….and here he was. He didn't want the help. He was stagnant and it didn't bother him. But he couldn't stand to see this girl on the ground holding herself. Like a fly under a magnifying glass. The five teens watched her meltdown.

"I'll do it." Mike volunteered as the girl still shuttered. He watched Ellie pull her up.

"Dallas you are a born leader." Ellie looked at the boy. "Why are you doing this with your life? Your parents….." She began.

"My parents think I am stupid."

"That doesn't make sense." The counselor saw the three girls hold hands.

"Doesn't matter to me." He climbed up the ladder to the top. The long ladder. With every step his life flashed before his eyes. Finally making it to the top, he wasn't nearly finished. Seeing them at the bottom, he saw the workers wish him luck. He didn't think it would be this high up. That was what he got for being a good guy. Good guys always finished last. Taking a breath, he felt the counselors connect him to the cord.

"Push against the wall with your legs and feet." The man instructed the boy as he balanced himself on the wood wall.

Why didn't he think of that?

He must be doing well with Adam and Luke cheering him on. Slow and steady won the race as he walked down slowly on the wood wall. Feeling his hands begin to sweat in the gloves, he was beginning to lose his nerve. But his hands gripped tighter against the cord. His leg muscles hurting more and more as he focused on reaching the bottom. Halfway down, he felt the wind kiss his cheek.

"He is so going to fall." Luke whispered in Adam's ear.

"Shut up Luke." Marisol defended the boy as she gained back her control. "At least he has guts."

Katie watched the boy take his time as Bianca stood by her. Both girls were thinking the same thing. All three were. No way in hell. And she began bite her lip as she saw Ellie put on her gear. But at least Marisol didn't run away. That was inspiration in itself.

"Us four are next girls…then me…Adam and Luke…" She smiled when Mike unhooked himself as he made it down.

"good job….." The ginger stated.

"…..whatever." Mike saw the model breathe a little easier. "It's not bad I promise." He noticed the black girl nod at him. "Keep your gloves tight." He helped her as Luke saw what he was doing.

"I'm not climbing up there." Bianca protested at this stupid activity. Ellie folded her arms as she laughed.

"Why because it can't yell at you. It can't hit you. Bianca this represents life. And the obstacles in it. And guess what. You can't run away from it. Girls when you do this, you will begin to feel so much better about yourself. I promise. I was once in your…."

"Cut your crap…..yes you were like us…but stop acting as if you can't see why anyone would want to do this." The badass watched the other two girls look up the ladder.

"You are right I do…but guess what. You don't have a choice in the matter. Bianca with you I have to take the direct approach because that is what you are used to. You are used to people spitting on you. Hitting on you…..but you know what. I will not give up on you. And that will no longer your our excuse. You have to go through pain…head-on…not around…and not under….head-on…And that goes for anyone here. Get your ass up that ladder." Katie and Marisol looked at the woman's firm tone.

"No…I am not….why so I can fail at another thing?" Bianca bit her tears back as Katie and Mare looked at her. The fearless girl was breaking.

"I'm not going to put myself through that again. I failed at protecting myself against my mom's boyfriend….against my pimp….against everything that has come….I won't…." They saw her tears escape her eyes.

The red head listened to her story as she grabbed the girl's hand.

"You won't be alone. I will be there." She gripped.

"Me too...just like before" Mare grabbed her other hand. "We will get stuck together." She laughed as Bianca sniffled. Finally climbing the ladder with Ellie behind them. They reached the top.

The boys watched the girls come down the tower. Slowly but surely. Luke definitely was uneasy about this and seeing Adam's expression made him know he was right to feel this. This wouldn't make his father drink less or make his mother come back. And seeing Mike look at the model made him huff.

"I thought it was too early to be chasing pussy?" Luke retorted to Mike as Adam shook his head. The black boy only ignored the statement. He wasn't as bad as his parents thought he was. He couldn't kick someone down when they knew they were already down. And he recognized the look in Mare's eyes. The helplessness.

"Why is every thing about a girl with you Luke? Why can't you see what this is truly about?" Adam grew tired of the boy's defense mechanisms. Sure he was quiet, but even he knew when to speak up for himself. And this was the time. Maybe Adam couldn't stand up to his own father and mother, but he wouldn't back down to anyone here.

"Maybe I am being a realist." The dirty blond stated. "Maybe I know that all of this will go in one ear and out the other ear when I get home." There was no point in lying to himself. Mike knew. He knew. They didn't want to be saved. They just wanted a vacation. And odd vacation. But at least a break.

"Or maybe you could learn to talk to your dad and tell him how you really feel?" Adam stated.

"Excuse you?" The boy approached the younger one. "Says the boy who burns himself because his parents divorced."

"Shut up you have no idea what my life is like….." Adam challenged.

"Guys…." Mike stood in between them. On the contrary to what everyone believed, he only fought when someone confronted him. It wasn't the other way around. Just because he hung out with thugs didn't mean he was truly one himself.

"Since when did the gang banger start to not like confrontation?" Luke blasted at the black boy.

"whateva….Luke you need to chill." Mike looked at the girls above them.

Marisol could only feel herself hanging still as her feet stopped against the wall. But the more she kept moving, the more the dizziness stopped. Balancing herself, she took deep breaths as she heard Ellie give her words of guidance. Looking over at Katie, the red head tried to brave.

Just because she was sporty, didn't mean that everything went her way. It didn't mean that she could control the most important things in her life. Her scars proved that. The red marks on her wrists. She couldn't take her eyes off of them as she hung onto the cord. She had never stared at them so hard before, and she couldn't take her eyes off the hideous sight. She saw the blood oozing from her lacerations. And she didn't see the girls beside her. She could only see her mother not there in her life. And herself being lonely. Without her mother's…..

"Hey Matlin." Bianca broke her from her reverie. "Let's get down this wall first then you can daydream." Her personality annoyed the red head.

"Says the girl who had a mental breakdown 45 minutes ago." The tomboy glared daggers at her.

"You know what….whatever…I thought I had mood swings." Bianca left her behind as she continued to walk down the high wooden wall. Why even bother?

Katie didn't mean to hurt the other girl's feelings. But then again, she was surprised the girl had any. With everything the rebel had been through, she wasn't as hardened as she should be…but she was very rough. And she somehow showed emotion in her dark eyes.

When did she become a counselor?

Adam watched as the three girls came down, and he had to suck the fear up. If he could come out to his family. If he could endure burnings, he could endure stiffness in his legs and aching hands. If he could endure needles, he could endure this…..

_**Grabbing the little liquid glass bottle from his medicine cabinet, he grabbed the sterile needle and syringe. His daily ritual, he stuck the needle inside himself feeling the testosterone ooze into his system. Finally he was getting his way. Finally his father was getting used to the idea that he wasn't a girl. That he wasn't Gracie. Maybe it would make him come back. He knew he was lying to himself.**_

_** "George…keep your voice down." Audra tried to whisper as Adam overheard as usual. His father walked into their home.**_

_** "All you are getting from me is alimony and child support." The man stated as he threw the bill on the floor. Sitting down on the bar stool, he began to breath slowly. His head was beginning to hurt. He loved his daughter but this was too much.**_

_** "I'm not asking you for money…." The woman made herself a drink knowing her son was hearing this conversation. He always heard.**_

_** "Good because I don't support what you are doing anyway. Helping him like this….Are you serious Audra….I am supposed to believe that my daughter is really a boy…I am supposed to believe that God made a mistake. Gracie is….." Adam heard their voices raise as he threw his needle in the trashcan. This wasn't fair that his mother had to deal with the man who was so close-minded.**_

_** "Adam…" The woman corrected as she drank the red wine. "and you are going to have to deal with it." She saw her son walk into the room.**_

_** "This is all out of spite….isn't it." The man folded his arms…not seeing his son's presence.**_

_** "No its not dad. This has nothing to do with mom. It's me. Leave her out of it." The teen demanded.**_

_** "Gracie….." The man began as the boy backed away. Shaking his head harshly. He wasn't trying at all.**_

_** "Don't call me that….ever again." He firmly said as he saw his mother rest against the wall. His father was beyond help. "I know you think it is a phase but it's not. And you won't accept this. It would make things better in the long run."**_

_** "And I never will support this." George looked him in the eyes. The fact that they could not agree to this put a strain to their relationship. "Me and your mom raised you to be conservative….to be…."**_

_** "O my god dad…not this again….not this speech." The boy began to leave. "You two raised me to love myself. I couldn't when I was Gracie…." The boy stated.**_

_** "fine….Audra you will get the check next week. Gracie…see you later." The teen knew his father hated when he called him that.**_

Climbing up the ladder, of course Luke waited for him to go first. Was there nothing obnoxious about the boy? But just like all the others, he had to prove this to himself. He had to make it through. Looking down the tower, he smiled hearing Katie cheer his name. He could do this after all.

….

The girls walked quietly to their cabin. Mare in the center as the other two pretended each other didn't exist. And the model realized she didn't want any chaos in her home. She already had a hard time sleeping at night. And she couldn't add on to this negativity. Especially when she had ate another decent meal today. Though she had to force herself, she triumphed. And she was getting back into the routine of eating again.

Mare grabbed the mail sticking out of their cabin mailbox as they returned from their repelling. Giving one envelope to Katie, the two girls were both anxious yet hesitant to open them. They wanted to hear from their families, yet they knew they would also hear the disappointment when reading their letters. How they wished they were strong enough to be with them now. But this was the best choice.

"How about we read our letters together?" The model laid on her bed as the tomboy laid beside. Both girls pushing their hair behind their ears. Their fingers were itching.

Bianca rolled her eyes at the two uppity girls as she laid cynically on her bed. Maybe she was jealous. There was no maybe. She was jealous. But no one cared to write to her.

"This isn't from my mom though. It's from Winnie…my maid." The red head noticed the handwriting. Once again, her real mother loved her more than her biological mother.

"What doesn't that surprise me princess?" Bianca turned her back to them. Of course Katie had a silver spoon in her mouth. It was obvious. Even though she was far from spoiled. And she was definitely far from close-minded. And even in their unsettling lives, the tomboy was still perfect to her.

The two girls read silently…taking in the heartache of the handwriting...hearing there loved one's voices in their heads as they read…they had a lot on their shoulders…and then…they became envious of Bianca. At least the girl didn't have anyone to answer to. At least the girl could make her own rules.

Sitting up from the bed, Katie put hers back in the envelope as she tucked it under her pillow….seeing Mare do the same thing. Both didn't want to talk about it. And their faces couldn't convey all the emotions they felt at the moment.

"Life sucks…doesn't it…." Mare asked as Katie nodded joining her again in the bed. Just as things got better for them, their lives proved them wrong.


	4. Ritual part 2

Ritual

Part 2

Chapter 4

….

Winnie wiped the plates clean in the sink…placing them in the plate rack. So many years here. Looking out for this family. Hoping her words of wisdom could help. But they did not. She took off her gloves as she saw the blonde woman sit at the kitchen table. The worry lines on her face. Her thin lips folded…her hands laced together as her mind drifted off to another place. And then….silence became the loudest noise. And every mistake made flashed before her eyes.

Sitting down beside her, the grey woman waited for her employer to say something. Anything. She hoped the woman would take a hint about Katie….her dear Katie. No the woman didn't need to take a hint. This was not a game…or a guess. This was about a beautiful, smart girl who was so underappreciated till it hurt her. The sacrificial lamb of all the mother's constant distractions. No she wasn't her child, but blood couldn't make her closer to her. It couldn't make her heart grip any less. The day she found her. Laying in her own blood. So cold. Not dead…yet not alive. Her eyes glazed….Flashbacks from that day plagued her mind…..

_**The woman shook her head as she heard the loud noise blare from Katie's room. The usual. How could anyone study with such racket? And be on honor roll for that matter. Even the vacuum couldn't drown it out. Finishing her work, she checked the mailbox. **_

_**She found it odd how she loved being outside as compared to being inside the Matlin home. It was cold. Lonely. Dead. No hugs. Or kisses. The only chatter that could be heard was Gwen on the phone talking to an "client." She knew the girl could sense it too. Which was why she drowned herself in sports. No one wanted to be reminded of loneliness.**_

_**Smiling at the manila envelope, she ran back to the house. The day she had been waiting for. It was the day she hoped the teen would allow her to be happy for herself.**_

"_**Katie!" The woman screamed. Rushing through the halls. **_

"_**Katie!" The woman screamed again. That was odd. The girl always came immediately. And the volume from her music never stopped her from before. Maybe she was in the restroom.**_

"_**Katie…its here." The woman paused again as she knocked on the door. No response. Walking to her room, her excitement couldn't be contained.**_

"_**Katie your scholar….." her words stopped as she saw the girl laying lifelessly on the bed. **_

_**Blood on the bed sheets. **_

_**Her flesh pale. **_

_**The horizontal slits on her wrist.**_

_**Only her heart could be heard and the package falling on the floor as she rushed to the girl's bed. Hoping it wasn't too late. Why didn't she see this coming? Why couldn't she have reached out to her better? Why couldn't her mother be here instead of her.**_

"_**Katie…wake up!" The woman put her ear on her heart. Hearing a light heartbeat. Not caring about the blood on her hands. Feeling her cold skin as she prayed.**_

_**And God must have heard her as the girl opened her eyes with little strength.**_

"…_**win….nie…" The desperate girl whispered. "I….i…."**_

"_**Don't talk." The grey woman grabbed the house phone by the teen's bed without pause.**_

"_**Hang on baby…." The woman pleaded with the dispatcher. Hoping she could be understood through her panic.**_

Gwen looked at the woman. Afraid to speak. Knowing the woman was accusing her with her eyes. She had too much on her schedule. But nothing should be more important than her daughter. And yet it always seemed opposite. Work. Work. Work…..

"Go on say it." The blonde said blandly. Waiting for disapproval.

"You already know the truth. What's the point?" The maid handed her some coffee. Even though she wanted to throw it on. She would even throw it on herself if it meant the girl could be at peace.

"I just didn't think it was to that much extent….I just….." the mother exclaimed seeing the woman stand up….determination in eyes…..

"And yet you haven't apologized to her. You should be grateful the girl didn't make vertical slits…..she's a smart girl. She didn't mean to kill herself. She wants you to notice her…not….." The older woman said softly. "Parent day is coming up soon…and I am sure it would mean the world to her if you showed up. All that matters is that you start again…" The woman tried to comfort the blonde. The woman did love her child even if she didn't know how to show it.

"Katie has always been strong. Independent. She seemed as if she never needed me….and I didn't prove her wrong." The woman heard her phone ring as she looked at the text message.

Winnie rolled her eyes at the woman who never learned. She knew who it was calling. It wasn't an office. At least not this time.

"When are you gong to tell her?" The maid inquired.

"About what?" Gwen knew the woman saw through her lie.

"About the new man in your life? How long will this one last?" The woman began to clean to keep herself from strangling the woman.

"Winnie don't start." The mother chastised.

"I have been working for you and your family for 20 years. I know you in and out. Business trips…romantic trips….none of them involve Katie…and I did my best to protect her from all of them…."

"I don't bring men around my daughter…." The blonde stood by her at the sink. "Stop cleaning dishes damn…..talk to me.!"

"well congrats for doing one thing right with you daughter….and you should tell Katie to talk to you…I'm done with this conversation." The maid dried her hands as she continued to clean the house.

…..

Mike looked at the paper in front of him. The chicken scratch urked his nerves. Crumpling the paper in hands, he threw it away. He didn't have to read it to know what it said. He still heard his father's voice in his head. It wouldn't go away. The man who thought he was a fighter. Who that he was a menace. And he was, but trouble always came to him. How could he blame him for not running away from it? Real men handled their business…..

_**Mike looked at his friend in the alley. His best friend Jordan. The boy who taught him how to play video games. How to shoot a basket. Every moment he had, the boy was there. Which was why he couldn't leave his friend who was laying on the ground. His nose bloody. His white wife beater stained. His knuckled bruised and busted. **_

_**Placing his hands through his hair, Dallas didn't think his friend was involved to this severity. He would stick with him no matter what…but... But this was just supposed to be fun. Sitting his friend up, he was glad to hear his groans of pain. At least the boy was alive. But a bottle of pills that fell out of his friend's pocket…**_

"_**Dude….are you serious? What are you doing with these?" Dallas panicked as he threw them against the ground. This had gotten them in enough trouble. Its not as if he could just run home and hide underneath the covers.**_

"_**I was thinking about adding to my revenue" The dark skinned boy laughed cynically as he coughed. "They look convincing don't they?" he found strength to smirk.**_

"_**Jordan…where did you learn to make these?" The light skinned boy inquired.**_

"_**From around…." Jordan's hoarse voice still had strength. Looking him in the eye.**_

"_**Who did this to you? How?" The best friend looked around the area with his eyes.**_

"_**A crack head with a habit." He simply said. "I wasn't quick enough." His friend coughed.**_

"_**Why not? You taught me how to fight…." Dallas read through his lie. "High again?" he knew his friend.**_

"…_**and what are you my father now. What would yours do if he found you here…with me….again…."**_

"_**I have always stuck by your side." Dallas adamantly stated.**_

"_**Then do it now….help me up….." Dallas placed his arm around the boy's waist.**_

"_**Let's get you to the hospital…" Dallas grabbed his phone. Damn. His father was right. But he couldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing that. He was in over his head. They both were.**_

Luke laughed seeing the boy read their letters. He was the smart one. He wouldn't open his. Placing it on his nightstand, he walked to the trashcan throwing away his banana peel.

"Someone has issues." His comment made Mike ignore him more.

Laying on his bed, Mike wasn't good with writing. Expressing his feelings. He was better with numbers. And he hated how Jordan thought he left him. But deep down he was just conflicted. He didn't want to change, but he knew he had to if he wanted to live. But he believed in loyalty. His family didn't understand. And it seemed as if his logic was becoming more twisted. There was something about this place that made he want to run away from…

"Adam where have you been?" Luke asked the boy as he casually walked in.

"Had….a…phone call." Adam laid on his bed.

"Aww….mommy how I miss you." The obnoxious boy teased.

"Lay off." Mike wished he hadn't burned his last bridge with his parents.

…

Katie couldn't believe that counseling started tomorrow. To tell the story of how she began cutting. She didn't even remember anymore. It was like an addiction. It was her addiction. An addiction that she used to hide because she didn't want to admit the truth to herself. She wasn't worth having. Sitting on the floor, she didn't know why she couldn't go to sleep. She did a great thing today. She conquered her fear and was able to repel. But she was still restless.

Laying on the floor, she was glad to know Marisol was breathing evenly now. But Bianca stayed mumbling.

"No…stop." Bianca ran from the car that was following her in the alley.

"Bianca…." The tomboy shook her.

"No..no…I don't want to go….don't make me." The rebel saw the man get out the dark SUV. Windows tinted….she held herself as she made it to a dead end.

"Bianca…" The prissy girl shook harder. Hoping to wake her from her prison.

"no….." The girl sat up. Wiping her sweat from her forehead. Seeing the beautiful girl once again save her from herself. The two looking in each other's eyes. Both blushing at their faces so near.

"Ummmm…you were having a nightmare." The gorgeous tomboy stated.

"Umm yeah that's what happens when someone suffers something traumatic." Her defense mechanism charged again.

"I thought we were over this." Katie began as she sat down on the girl's bed. "I thought we were all in this together….friends…."

"Katie…your mood swings are so amusing to me... you pushed me back today…when someone does that, that means they don't want to talk….." Bianca knew she sounded weak.

"I know…I know….and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that to you. It's just that…."the girl began as she saw Bianca look at her.

"Let me guess it finally dawned on you that you are surrounded by psychotic freaks…..and you yourself are one of them."

"Why do you have to be so blunt all the time?" Katie attempted to get off the bed as the other pulled her by the wrist.

"O come on Katie…you still have the life…" the two girls laid by each other.

"Because I have a maid…and a nice house….."

"no because you have someone who cares. Someone who thought enough about you to write you a letter from home. If you haven't noticed I don't have that. No one cares about me. My mom…I might as well say I am an orphan." Bianca admitted.

"I know the feeling. I honestly wouldn't know my mom if I didn't have pictures of her around the home. Its crazy when you have to find out things about her from her office clerks….Winnie tries to protect me…but I'm older now…" The two looked at each other.

"Where have you been Matlin?" Bianca looked at the red head. "I mean….you seem to be the only one who puts up with my shit. And who isn't scared of touching me. When I go in the bathroom. The other girls just look as if I give off STDs by just looking at them?"

"Umm….have you ever…." The red head began…..

"No…my pimp Ben made sure of that. "

"Your pimp…."Katie asked. "How did you escape him." She became fascinated at the girl.

"By default….he was killed….two bullets in the head….he owed money….he had been well overdue…..I have to thank whoever did that." She realized the morbidness of her comment. "You can go back to bed now."

"You're doing it again…pushing me away….is it so bad to have a friend?" the two girls looked at one another.

"Friends don't do this. Talk about traumatic experiences….scars, anorexia, rapes…." The two stared at Mare as she slept. Her occasional mumbles. They were used to it now.

"Those who trust each other do." The sporty girl rubbed her arms. "Maybe its for the best…I mean…" she looked into the girl's dark eyes.

"Katie…go to bed…I don't want to hear your Mr. Rogers philosophies." Bianca smiled as the girl with blue eyes bit her lip. The two laughed as Katie hit her with a pillow.

….. 

Mike grabbed the paper from the basket. Placing it underneath his pillow, he made sure the others were sleeping. He didn't want them to see him like this. He felt weak. So many emotions in his mind. And the tears in his eyes. The façade he wore. He didn't want people to see how scared he was. Of life. He was scared for his life. The things he put his family through. And how it broke his heart every time. But it was something about his life that he couldn't let go.

The power. The confidence. The girls.

People wanted to be him. To be around him. But if they knew his secret, they wouldn't.

…

Mare woke in a cold sweat. Shaking back and forth on her bed, she was grateful the girls were sleep. And she was so lost, she didn't even notice they were in the same bed together. Breathing harder, she stood up as she put her shoes on. Biting her lip, she walked out the door. She was asking for a death wish….especially from her mother who she knew would kill her if she was caught. But she had to shake this feeling. She would never touch pills again….or drugs for that matter. This was a living hell. And the fact that she still had her robe on as she walked through the grass made her realize how wigged out she was.

Apparently, they didn't have too many watchers out tonight. And she was thankful. Sitting behind her cabin, it surprised her to see Mike outside too. Both noticing, they didn't know what to say. But both didn't want to be alone right now.

Holding her robe tighter around her, she looked to see Mike sit beside her.

"Sneaking out Miss Priss." He observed her tremors. She was definitely taking this like a trooper.

"More like…not wanting to embarrass myself with my withdrawals." Her hands shook.

"Yeah…it gets like that." He remembered Jordan's symptoms. Yet that couldn't be taken into account considering that the boy always went back to it.

"don't…." She felt his eyes on her.

"don't what?" He observed her.

"Don't give me any special treatment. I am the first one to know that people don't care about your problems or your ambitions. At least your snarky remarks remind me of that." She looked at the grass. The ant beds that were around the trees.

"So in other words you like being talked down too." He analyzed. "It's not like you don't talk down to me either." He observed the night sky.

"I know….I'm just…so tired of people overlooking my true potential. And I did it the right way…and I did it the wrong way…..and I am still not where I want to be…." She was frustrated with herself.

"And why do you want to be famous? Dealing with eating disorders? Sleeping with agents to land a gig?" He wanted to find out more about her.

"For a thug…..How are you so intuitive?" She teased. She knew there was more to him than he let on.

"I'm not dumb. I just…..never mind…" Mike kept his eyes on the stars.

"I'm just so cold right now….and I want to throw up so badly." Mare held herself tighter. "I wish I could be like you. Turn off my emotions…." She observed.

"How did you know that?"

"I was just making an observation. But I think about my mom…how I lied to them so badly. How I disappointed them. How I am not worthy of being their daughter. How I am not worthy of being a model…how I mess up everything I touch…and I hate myself for it." She hugged her legs to herself as she stood up slowly.

"You have too much compassion." He looked up at her soft face. "I use to be like that….but after a while people's opinions don't phase you anymore." He pulled some grass from it's roots. "I guess I use to regret my decisions but now it's too late. People at home only see me one way….why not prove them right."

"that's the dumbest thing I have ever heard." She looked at the boy with anger as his stoic face didn't show his shock. Even with her symptoms, she had the strength to express herself.

He only responded with a huff as she found herself growing angrier.

"You are the most ungrateful person I know..." She watched him stand.

"You forgot about Luke." His humor made her frustrated to his liking.

"Even Bianca wants to change…and yet you push every one away with your sarcasm and smart comments. How can you be so happy and content not wanting more for yourself. Not wanting to better yourself….taking from others who worked so hard for what they have…"

"well aren't we Ms. Congeniality?"

"spell it…" She folded her arms as she began to feel a little dizzy.

"Whatever…you are still pretentious. After how I helped you out….."

"O so that means I am supposed to tolerate your cocky attitude. Hell no. I have taken criticism from almost everyone in life…the token black girl….the oreo….the stuck-up snob…and I will not be looked down by a …criminal…"

"Well, well, well…the real Marisol comes out. I knew that helpless little girl was an act. See what I mean….."

"but I don't want to see you like that Mike….." Mare stated firmly. "You are the one who wants others to see you like that…why?"

"None of your business." He stood up noticing the letter fall out his pocket.

….

Bianca looked at the clock on her nightstand. 12:45 in the morning. And this was her second time waking up in the middle of the "night." But this time was different. This time she was surprised she could not remember her dreams. Or that she felt comfortable sharing a bed with someone else. Her back to the girl, she felt herself blush seeing Katie's arm was around her waist.

And for once in her life….she was speechless.

…

Luke turned on his lamp, as he grabbed the envelop .It was on his mind, and he wanted to read it so badly. But he wouldn't get his hopes up over his father. And he didn't want to hear his sister's voice in his head. Looking at her handwriting, he was glad the girl wasn't tortured by their father's wrath. She was the perfect child and she was the only one he spared from his own obnoxiousness. The many times she healed his cuts from their fights. Or sing him to sleep. Opening the letter, he heard the quiet boy mumbled.

"O God…it's one in the morning." Adam sat up as he looked at the other. "Could you turn the light off?"

"No…I cant…I'm a little busy." The teen looked at the envelope as he gathered enough will.

"No you're an asshole." The brunette teen attempted to get comfortable again.

Placing the letter on his nightstand, the dirty blond got out the bed. Did he just hear the other right? He wouldn't let anyone talk to him like his father.

"What did you say?" He approached the boy's bed.

"You heard me…" Adam sat up looking at the boy attempt to threaten him. He dealt with bullies all his life. And never backed down. He wouldn't start now. Even without his mother.

"Say it a little bit louder." Luke challenged as the other laid back down on the bed. He wasn't worth it.

"You heard me the first time. Maybe if you put your energy in conquering your anger problems you wouldn't be so hostile."

"Don't think just because Mike isn't in here to intervene that doesn't mean….."

"I don't need Mike to take up for me. I can do it myself. You think just because I am not in your face I'm scared….but I'm not." Adam grabbed his pillow as he put it over his face…trying to block out the boy's voice.

"You just aren't worth it….I pick and choose mine…and right now I could give two less shits about you. Go away….." Luke shook his head as he got back in his bed. He didn't want to be here anyway. He didn't know where he wanted to be, because no where was good enough.

…

Mare saw the boy quickly grab the letter as he stuffed it in his pocket. And though his face was still, his eyes weren't….and they seemed panicked for some reason. Nothing new. Problems at home. Just like hers….

"Let me guess. You haven't been able to open up your first letter yet. You were so angry you bald it up." The boy began to think the girl was psychic. But then again, they were all the same here. They acted out the same way. And there was no way to avoid it.

"My parents had to move out their house…into an apartment….I guess expenses for me are just too much." She pressed her head against the cabin. "I forgot the other main reason I went into modeling was to help my parents with the expenses."

"I'm….." The boy began as he heard someone come from around the corner. The light from the lantern could be seen as the watcher came from around the corner.

"Look what we have here." The gorgeous ginger saw the boy and girl look red handed. Their faces with shock as the counselor folded her arms as the two let out a sigh.

Mike didn't know how women could speak without talking. They had the ability to convey their emotions through their eyes. And the counselor was more than furious. But Marisol looked scared more than anything. Feeling the girl grab his shoulder to support her self, he decided to be the bigger person.

"Look I tried to run off…Mare stopped me. She heard me from outside her window. She tried to talk some sense into me."

Ellie knew this boy was lying to her face. They definitely didn't realize that she had eyes too. She could see the panic on the gir'ls face. The sweat on her brow. Her tremors as she refused to look in her eyes.

"Bullshit….." The woman stated.

"It's the truth." Mike hated how the woman could see through him.

"I'm sorry ok…it was me." Mare admitted to the woman as she noticed Mike look down at her. "I just had to get outside…I was so hot….and I felt trapped…my mind was making me dizzy….I just thought the air would make me feel better…my symptoms…I'm so sorry…Just don't tell my mom and dad. They are going through so much….I just can't…." She pleaded to the woman. It wasn't a lie.

"And where do you factor in all of this….." The woman asked the boy as Marisol bit her lip.

"He heard me outside his cabin…and he came to help…he tried to tell me to go see you….I didn't want to. I need to do this myself….just don't tell my mom…please…"The girl pleaded as the boy became grateful.

Ellie looked at the two together. It didn't seem as if she had been taken advantage of…but something still wasn't right with Mike's body language.

"How about this. No seclusion….but you will wash dishes for a whole shift…until I say so."

"That's like for 50 people." Dallas exclaimed.

"That's not my problem. Help bring Mare to her cabin with me." Ellie looked as the girl held her head down. Feeling them both place her arms around their necks. This wasn't needed. She could walk for herself. This was so embarrassing. One day she would show them, that she was stronger than this.


	5. Skyscraper

Skyscraper

Demi Lovato

Chapter 5

….

Bianca felt the sun shine through her window. Why did the day always contradict her mood? But as she sat up and ran her hands through her thick curls, she had noticed Katie still laid beside her. And a light smile graced her face. Yawning, she still felt redness on her cheeks. Since when had anyone made her feel uncomfortable in a good way? The clock on her nightstand told her they had 30 minutes until the bell rang. A long day this was going to be. The day they all dreaded.

The first counseling session.

Laying on the bed again, she noticed Mare stood up as the model began to stretch.

"How can you be a morning person?" Bianca asked as the girl shook her head. At least they were all getting along together. For now.

"Well Bianca you are a nightwalker. You couldn't possibly understand." Mare grabbed some clothes and her toiletries.

"I prefer body sales consultant." The two laughed at their morbid sense of humor. It had been a while since the two had laughed nonchalantly.

"Come on. Before the others wake up." Mare watched the rebel shake the red head.

"No…not now…." She tightened her hold on Bianca's waist. Mare definitely noticed the blush on the badass' cheek when the tomboy began to pull her closer.

The model looked awkwardly at the sight of the two girls. One girl awake. And one girl asleep. Yet the other was pulling her close as if Bianca were a teddy bear. Folding her lips, she watched the brunette wake up the other girl.

"What?" Katie asked seeing the two girls stare at her as she sat up….getting out of the bed. That was the best sleep she had gotten in a while.

"Nothing." Mare ignored the elephant in the room. "We need to go to the bathroom." She rushed them as Katie shook her head in her annoyance.

The girls undressed as Katie bit her lip. She couldn't hide anything. And the fact that three were naked made her blush even harder. Of course the model and former prostitute had perfect bodies. Bianca with her scars couldn't be anymore beautiful.

"Take a picture why don't you Matlin." Bianca made the girl blush as they stepped into the three showers. Not that she minded the beautiful girl's eyes. At least she stared at her like she was perfection rather than a piece of meat or a sex toy.

Katie hated showers. They were never a happy moment for her….

_**Katie pulled her soap and deodorant out of her bag as she turned the locker room shower on. Taking off her shirt, she held her breath as her other team mates came inside. Their snickers. Their gasps at her body. The numerous cuts on her arms. How could she forget to put her concealer on? And why did she take her bandages off so soon. Biting her lip, she stepped inside as one of her teammates pushed her bag on the floor.**_

"_**So it's true…you do cut?" The tall black-haired girl asked as Katie adjusted the towel over her body. Proceeding to take her shower as a hand clutched her shoulder.**_

"_**you can't ignore the statement." The older girl watched the tomboy pick up her things as she helped. The other girls could be so vindictive to each other. Though they all wanted to professional they forgot they needed each other to get there. And the captain had to admit that she needed Katie on her team.**_

"_**Why do you care anyways Bethany? Someone is definitely jealous that I have a chance for the national team." Katie saw her teammate hush the other girls from making fun at her. She was a spectacle…no matter how good she was on the field, they didn't want to be her. She didn't want to be her too.**_

"_**No…but as captain….." Bethany began to undress as Katie noticed the girl's small figure.**_

_**Why couldn't she look like this? Why couldn't her hips curve? Why couldn't her stomach be flat? Why did she have too much muscle?**_

"_**As Captain….I…" Bethany felt Katie's eyes on her. "Are you checking me out?" The girl grew uncomfortable as she put the towel back over her body.**_

"_**No…." Katie kept her stature as she didn't back down. "But as least you know what it is like to be observed under your eyes. I'm not on display for you all to laugh at. And you can't prove anything. See you at the tryouts." The red head took her shower.**_

Katie made sure she kept her eyes on herself this time. Her lingering eyes always got her in trouble and placed her in a moral dilemma. And she hated how Bianca took advantage of that. It was like the girl was in her head or something and she knew it. Biting her lip, she still couldn't believe the two shared a bed last night. And it's odd how she wasn't as ashamed of her arms.

…...

Ellie felt as if she were in an out of body experience. Once she was one of them. Wondering and waiting for death to take her. A lifeless soul. Looking at her revealed arms, she smiled bittersweetly at the healed cuts. Though many thought they were hideous, it oddly gave her pride. Like a war veteran. She was a survivor of her life. And here she was. Helping them. Her job was the most tiresome task. You had to have a passion for it. You had to love children even when their parents didn't love them. Even when they didn't love themselves. The many times she wanted to run into traffic…but she was glad she didn't. Seeing the teens leave for their counseling session, she pulled Adam aside.

The kid who had problems that she didn't know exist. Seeing his content face, she smiled warmly…..

"Do you like your arrangements?" She asked indirectly seeing others walk passed them.

"I love it…." He felt Luke and Mike's eyes on him. "I just….what about….my…."

"Don't worry about that….just come to me…we always have some in stock." She didn't let him finish as she walked ahead to find a vacant room.

Adam was more than grateful that his mother worked out bathroom arrangements for him. Though he had to wake up extra early for a shower, at least it was by himself. He didn't know if he could say it today in counseling….and luckily Ellie told him he didn't have to. Bathrooms were a torture chamber for him…and with a guy like Luke…who knows what he would do if he found out. He persisted him mother let him sleep with guys rather than by himself to her dismay. But she had to learn to let go. Some people could be trusted.

"What was up with you and Ellie…I wouldn't mind having a one on one with her." Luke naturally said as the boy rolled his eyes.

"What…it's not like you didn't think of it." The boys couldn't disagree as they huddled around the girl. Waiting for her to open the door. Bianca noticed how Katie's red hair flowed. It was so beautiful. And she found it unnerving how she could find anyone beautiful anymore. Boy or girl. Being used and abused by both, she figured she forced herself to be asexual.

Laughing at her pessimism, all of them sat in the cold chairs of the small room. Ellie sat at the head of the circle, making sure she had all of their eyes.

Adam. Katie. Bianca. Marisol. Mike. Luke.….

"Welcome to your first day of counseling…..this isn't rushed…or forced….when you are ready…please talk…any volunteers?" The ginger asked as the teens looked at each other.

"I want to talk." The prissy girl held herself. "But I don't know what to say." Mare felt eyes on her. She couldn't hide. And as much as she didn't want to, she needed to. She needed to feel protected.

"Say….what you feel….." Ellie heard Luke's snickering as Mike nudged him.

"Have any suggestions Luke?" The ginger saw through the teen's defense mechanism.

"Nope…this is so hilarious…..I just can't believe that you guys think there is a magic button to make this go away." He saw them stare at him.

"I never said that…you did…so maybe you do have something to say…but why is it that you have nothing to say when you are asked directly."

"Whatever sick of this shit." He folded his arms as he noticed Katie and Bianca stare blankly at him. So he was becoming a show in front of them again.

"I'm pretty sure they are sick of you too….." Every head nodded as Luke sighed.

"I'm used to it…..I have a personality that is hard to get along with." He mentally pushed them away.

"If that is code for you are an asshole, then yeah…." Mare said proudly…not noticing Dallas' eyes on her.

"O and the pill popping, anorexic wanna-be model's opinion matters because…" He said condescendingly.

"Everyone's opinion matters here." The woman affirmed.

"Then why did you open it up for everyone to gang up on me….." the boy began to crack as Adam shook his head.

"We are all victims here Luke." Adam stated. "But the way you come at us. We get shitted on by our parents…by everyone at school. At least here I thought I could fit in." He shrugged.

"Well at least you can run back home to your mommy and daddy." The obnoxious boy stated. "Be grateful…not every parent wants their child…wants their family….my mom left us for the next door neighbor. She didn't even blink. She used to call and check on us…now she just stopped…and back then when my dad was remotely nice, he tried to hide the fact from us…but me and my sister already knew." The teen looked at the floor. Avoiding their eyes.

"and how does that make you…."

"O hell no…I will not be evaluated or be experimented on…" he folded his arms as the others looked at him still. Katie especially. To not be wanted by anyone, but it didn't give him an excuse to take things without regard. Seeing Bianca in her peripheral vision, she bit her lip….she wondered if the girl was glad to know he suffered.

"….you have no idea what being watched feels like." Bianca began their mouths opened. "To be always watched….to be expected or forced to "put out" because I had to. Luke you aren't the only one who was left behind." She exclaimed, her face becoming red at his stubbornness. "Do you know what it was like to be abused for 3 years of your life? And no matter how many times you tried to tell…your mother didn't believe you….my mom doesn't even hate me….because she doesn't even care. I was a roadblock in her life. She didn't even know who my father was….when I ran away, she didn't try to find me….she didn't try….she didn't try at all." The girl cried as she covered her face with her hands. Feeling Kate rub her back, she flinched away from her.

Mare looked at the hardened girl. Her mouth dry.

"It just sucks. I am so jealous of you all. You know where you come from even if you don't want to. No one wanted me. I thought there was someone…but he turned out to be my pimp. He found me hiding in an alley from drug addicts…he told me he would take care of me…..and it was good." Bianca saw Mare look at her strength. "He fed me….then he said that if I loved him, I would sleep with his friends…"

Ellie watched the complex girl break down. Bianca always jumped back and forth. One moment, she could be delicate and sensitive…and the next, she could break you without thinking. Seeing her unleash her faculties gave the ginger hope. This was only the beginning of for them all. And everyone was exhausted….and as usual Mike kept his stature.

What he thought was his greatest strength was his worst. He just couldn't allow himself to feel anything. And seeing Bianca breakdown like this made him think of his own trials. This girl was the only one in the group beside himself who had a taste of the gutter part of the world. The people in this world whose memory died along with them. Fidgeting with his hands, he sat back as he wiped his mouth.

"Why is it that everyone is trying to compete? It doesn't matter who had the hardest life." he asked without hesitation.

"That's not true Mike." Mare stated as the cocky boy huffed.

"It's not like how it feels to me…it's hard to explain…."

"Would you like a sheet of paper to write with? You could write a letter to the group about how you….." Ellie stated as the others forgot she was there. One thing about these sessions was that the teens controlled it. It became more effective when they listened and talked to one another.

"No…." He cut her off. "It's just…I'm not trying to offend anyone but no one is better than the other. And everyone's situation means something to them…." Mare listened as she held Bianca's hand.

"I don't get you." Mare looked him in his eyes. "how can you just hide your emotions like this. Its like you are afraid to feel how you feel. This isn't some street corner. No one is going to hurt you for it. Even Luke has said something but you haven't….you pride yourself on being in control….and it is something that you don't have here. None of us do…this isn't survival of the fittest…this isn't like a fight that you and your friends….."

"You shut up. You have no idea what I do." He said firmly.

"Well someone is angry now." Mare folded her arms. "At least that is something…you guys make fun of me for my dependency but at least I choose to go through this the right way. It's not something I can just run away from. You love to talk about society but everyone in here knows about that. And what's crazy is that you don't want to prove society wrong. You want to a stereotype….a thug who wants cars, clothes, and women…."

"You don't know what I want." Dallas stated.

"Probably because you don't either…you don't want to be here remember." Ellie noticed the effect Mare's words were having on Mike. So did everyone else.

"It's not that…I just don't want to forget where I come from…and the minute I step back in the real world I am going to have to let that part go….."

"Why don't you want to Dallas?" Eli inquired.

"Because…I can't leave him….I can't leave…" Mike repeated himself softly as the model bit her lip. She didn't mean to throw mental punches at him.

"Tell us….." Ellie waited for the boy to collect himself.

"Jordan is my best friend. Where he goes, I go. He has no one. No family…and my parents just want me to drop him. I can't do that to him. He was the one who stood up for me when I was picked on for…..I just couldn't abandon him like that….its my responsibility…I am his keeper. If I were to leave him behind, I would be disappointed in myself." The born leader admitted as Mare held his hand with one and Bianca's with the other.

Katie listened to everyone's story as it became harder and harder to breathe. The way they were letting their emotions run free. She hated that feeling. She was so use to letting them run free on her flesh. Rather than with words. But she did need to talk. Everyone opened up. And it gave her a little courage to do so.

"I get it Mike. I know what it's like to disappoint someone. And I know what it is like have someone who doesn't want you Bianca." The red head looked at the girl whose lip was fully healed. "I mean…it's the reason why I cut…the reason why I do my best to achieve in sports….I want to be noticed…to be loved by her…but my mom doesn't care. At all. I hear what people say about her in town….about me…the athletic voo-doo doll. I should be used to pain but I am not.…just like she wants me to be taken away from her. I know she does. The only letter I got was from Winnie my maid. The woman who took time out of her life to teach me…love me….and I see the disappointment she has in her eyes. How my mom took her life away...to look after me." Her tears poured down as Adam wiped them away gently.

"My scars don't make it better. The cutting doesn't….and yet when I did it, I thought it would every time." The red head saw her damaged flesh.

"It's true…scars don't make problems go away. Burning doesn't make your parents love again. It doesn't make your dad grateful to have a kid who hardly ever lies. All I ever wanted was to be me…but he can't see that. He can't….and I hate how my mom tries to make me forget….." Adam's pulse intensified. "I can't forget…I can't make my father love me anyone…."

"I just wish my parents hated me more." The room looked at Marisol as she removed her hands from Bianca's and Mike's. Wiping away the sweat. Becoming conscious of everyone's eyes on her. Ironic, she dreamed of people's eyes on her when she walked down the runway.

"The fact that they forgave me for sneaking out…going to parties….lying to them…they knew I was lying….and I wasn't who I used to be….my personality…I was changing with the drugs…they put my needs before theirs and this was how I repaid them….and I hate myself for it…..my parents had to sell their home….to pay my expenses….and you are right Mike….there may be a competition…because I feel as if I deserve this. This is my punishment for being so selfish…..and no matter how many times I throw up, it wouldn't go away….it wouldn't…so many times I wanted to grab the trashcan relieve myself…..I did and I still do…I can't help it….I'm not strong like you all…." She began to feel a more dizzy as the room became silent.

To Ellie's liking. The teens were taking this seriously. And no scowls could be seen. Only exhausted faces. But in their eyes, she swore she saw a little hope. She knew they weren't miraculously changed, but this did prove growth. Seeing the girls hold hands, she noticed their bond was becoming strong. And yet, the boys were still divided.

Luke knew he was the problem as he noticed the girls rest their head on each other's shoulders. He knew he had more problems then he wanted to say at the moment. He knew he was a freak, but everyone here was in their own way. Taking a deep breath, he wondered how Becky was without. him He hoped she wasn't waiting for him to answer her back. He wasn't ready yet…..and seeing Ellie's eyes on him….he knew she got what she wanted. To prove he needed help. And he did….

And as they left the room, he didn't know what it would be like when they made it back. To eat lunch.

Adam watched Katie eat slowly. Seeing the marks on her arms like him. He wondered what clique she would belong to at his high school. Probably the popular crowd because she was so beautiful…all three girls were gorgeous without words…Mike would definitely be an athlete…especially Luke….and Bianca would be the girl that Katie and Marisol terrorized. Laughing at the mental picture of the three girls fighting, they all looked at him crazy…

"Sorry…." He almost choked on his juice.

"What's so funny?" Mike tried to involve the boy.

"I was just thinking that if we went to the same school, we would never cross paths…especially you three girls….."the flawless girls blushed as the boys laughed aloud. Uncontrollably…louder and louder.

"Excuse me….We just left like a 3 hour session, and you guys are laughing like we are at a party." Katie informed them all.

"Maybe it's a sign." Bianca shrugged. "I mean…for once I feel like I can breathe. And to be honest…it is pretty funny…..I could definitely whoop you and Mare's ass…for sure." She flipped her hair as Mare playfully hit her.

"I would disagree." Luke drank as he still felt Katie's grip on him. "as we know Katie is a UFC fighter."

"She's alright." Bianca stuck her tongue out at the red head as everyone noticed her dark blush.

The tomboy didn't know why this girl loved getting under her skin. And it was getting on her nerves….at least that was what she told herself. It seemed as if part of her loved the attention….damn…..no…why? She had to find some way to break away.

"Umm…I'm done with this." She stood up as Mare shook her head.

"I can't believe I have to wash these dishes…." She watched the red head leave her.

"Just be grateful Ellie didn't do worse." Bianca followed Katie as the boys left.

"Looks like it is just you and me Next Top Model." The two grabbed the plates from the different tables.

Mare was actually kind of glad for this. She needed to stay busy. Keep her mind off of the fact that she had to get in touch with her parents. Placing the dishes in the kitchen sick, she hoped the 50 plates, 50 forks, and 50 glasses would keep her mind….

"sorry to hear that about your parents…." Mike tried to speak as he observed the black beauty turn on the water.

"I…." The boy began.

"Can we just wash dishes please…..thanks…but right now….things couldn't be worse. I am hundreds of miles away from them and I need them the most."

"They need you stronger. Focus on yourself." He looked at her as she took a breath.

"All of our parents need that…please can we change the subject…" the boy nodded as they continued their chores together.

Though he wouldn't admit it aloud, but something fascinated him about the girl. The fact that she chose to keep fighting…even without strength. The way she battled him mentally and cut him down. He noticed her eyes on him as he continued to add soap to the water.

"What?" He asked as she bit her lip.

"nothing." She shrugged as she washed away. "I guess one plus of this place is meeting different people from different backgrounds…its nice to not be surrounded by none superficial people."

"So Top Model doesn't like the limelight anymore." Her eyes dropped at the offense.

"Don't be so sensitive….being a model has it perks…everyone wants to be adored and privileged." The delinquent saw her dimples again.

"That's like saying every thug wants to end up like Al Pacino in Scarface….." She shot back at him as he smirked. "Sorry…I can't keep using my dependency as an excuse for me being bitchy."

"I got tough skin…."

"It's just that…I know what it's like to be told everyday you aren't smart enough. You aren't pretty enough. You aren't the right complexion. I wish the modeling business could see me like my mom does. Sure there are black models…but it would be so good to see more like me….."

"I don't get it Mare…why do you want to be a model. You can do better…why do you want to be valued for just your body….I mean you are a smart girl…." He inquired as he saw her expression change.

"Never mind….let's change the conversation again." The two continued their task.

…..

Bianca noticed how Adam was sitting next to Katie in the camp's open area. The two at the wood table as others talked on their steps. And as much as she wanted to join them, she shook her head at the silly boy. She should be used to being discarded anyways….

"Go away Luke." The girl sat on her steps as the obnoxious boy made his way towards her.

"I actually come in peace this time." He put his hands in pockets. He was still getting use to this grass. He was a city boy at heart. "I just….I just do things and I never think about how I make others feel."

"I should be use to it by now…people have been shitting on me for years now." She shrugged him off as he noticed where she was staring. "I'm sorry." He stated.

"Good to know….but I honestly don't need your apology." She said simply as she smiled seeing Mike and Marisol join them.

"Looks like Adam is trying to get himself a girl….." The black boy smirked.

"I doubt anyone in this group needs a relationship now." The black girl sat beside Bianca on the top step.

"I don't know Mare…" Luke looked as Adam shyly blushed. "One thing I know is when a boy wants a girl….."

"That's because you are like a rabbit." The model pushed the sandy blonde who laughed as Mike noticed their interaction.

"Are we actually getting along now?" Bianca tried not to focus on the table afar of the two.

"For now….until Luke tries for one of us again." Mare bit as the boy shook his head at their teasing. There was nothing like being teased by two hot girls.

…..

Katie blushed feeling his eyes on her as they sat together. She also felt Bianca's eyes on her. She just couldn't understand why Bianca was the way she was. She lied to herself because she did know why the girl acted out in many ways. But there was something about the rebel. Katie found herself…

"I'm glad my scars don't freak you out." Adam showed her his. The impressions on his flesh as Katie wanted to cry to boy. So this is how others felt when they looked at hers.

"Why should they?" she showed him hers as they compared. "They are a part of who we are now….this is our life….whether we stop or keep going."

"you sound as if you want to keep going…." Adam observed.

"More of….I'm in purgatory. I don't want to inflict more damage…but I still want to feel that same adrenaline rush." The girl admitted as the boy nodded.

"It feels so good that I am not the only one who thinks that's odd." Katie saw Bianca's observant eyes again as Adam spoke. He noticed how the two girls acted around eachother.

"No…it's actually kind of normal." She stated as she noticed the boy calling the girl over. "What are you doing?"

"Bianca keeps looking over here. It wouldn't be right to exclude her…"

"It also isn't right for her to make me feel uncomfortable the way she does me." The red head bit her lip.

"She's just crude…." Adam stated.

"Well you hang out with her." Katie didn't want to be near the girl as she held herself. Rolling her eyes, she walked passed the girl.

What did she do now?


	6. Skyscraper part 2

Skyscraper

Part 2

Chapter 6

…..

Adam looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. One more surgery to go. He smiled as touched his chest. Flat. He was seeing himself more and more. And it was relieving. Now he had to work on his six pack. Releasing a sigh, one question was in his mind. Would he tell his group? Would he make them uncomfortable? Not too many people can handle a revelation such as this. The only one who he thought could probably handle it was Katie. Katie the beautiful soccer player whose blue eyes told him it was ok to feel pain. That he wasn't the only one. Yet others….were like his father. The many lunch tables he sat by himself. No one wanted to be associated with him. Just school in general was hell.

_**Walking to his locker, he held his tears as he saw the big red letters. "Trans Kid." Turning around he saw the hallway full of teens laughing. Whispering. Proving that he would forever be out of place. Pointing at him. But he would not cry. He would hold his tears. He would prove to them that he was no "lesbian"….he was truly a man. And they were the ignorant ones.**_

_**Looking at all of them, he gave a look of seriousness. He would not break. Nor falter. Their looks of disgust, fear, belittlement. He turned back towards his combination, opening his locker as he grabbed his books. Placing them in his bag.**_

"_**Thanks for the decoration who ever did this. But next time use blue. It matches the color of my eyes. "he closed his locker as he took a picture on his phone. Sending it to his mother. A big smile on his face as he walked through the crowd. Bumping into a couple of people. He wasn't a badass. He was just a survivor. He had no other choice.**_

_**And they did not get a rise out of him.**_

_**And soon, his mother would be here. This was a win win situation after all.**_

Putting on his clothes, he wished he could trust people enough. Men enough to shower with him. He knew about the safety precautions with his body, but he felt as if he was unofficially quarantined. Shaking his head, he was grateful he had survived two more days of obstacle courses. His body was sore, but at least he would gain a little more muscle.

Walking out he saw the three gorgeous girls head toward their bathroom. This camp was very organized. The way each group was put on timeframe. Sitting on the outside picnic table, he didn't feel like going back into his room. Not that they were on shaky ground, but sometimes a person wanted to be by themselves. This was what he was used to. They would do it anyway when they found out.

…

Marisol locked the bathroom as they walked inside. As usual, Adam was sitting outside enjoying nature. But she had sensed he was still trying to distance himself from everyone again. Where was this sixth sense when she was modeling? Smelling her body wash, she smiled. No she hardly got any sleep last night, but she found herself wanting to be alive. And though she was still washing dishes, she was grateful Ellie let her go to grocery store with her team. She needed to get out these woods for a while.

"What's that?" Bianca looked at the bottle.

"Dove….want some?" The two girls noticed Katie was still a little resistant towards them. More like Bianca. The usual. For some reason the girls were super sensitive towards each other. It was almost as if they…..

"No thanks.. I don't want anything that will attract Luke even more to me." The two girls laughed as Katie slowly took her clothes off.

"Your personality can repel anyone so don't worry." The red head walked into the shower.

"Someone's cranky….." Bianca grew tired of the girl's wariness towards her. Nothing new, but it still didn't mean the rebel didn't want to be around her.

"Could you two please not ruin this day, we actually did well to get a privilege."

"O….a small fridge in our room. The possibilities are endless." Bianca bit as Mare hit her.

"it's better than drinking hot Capri Suns. At least we can have some foods like yogurt and…." Mare stated with happiness.

"Guess this means we have to celebrate then…." The hardened girl stated.

"What?"

"You actually wanting to eat." The two girls bonded as they stepped into their individual showers.

….

Mike noticed the quiet boy sit on the picnic table. What was the boy still hiding? But he couldn't point the finger at anyone hiding something. Everyone was entitled to a secret. Shaking his head as Luke put his money in his wallet.

"Hey don't worry." Luke assured the boy. "I have enough money for all three of us if need be."

Mike couldn't blame his parents for not sending him anything. Choices had consequences. And he made some fucked up ones. Adam and Luke were lucky to have parents that pulled strings for them. Well Adam's were. Luke just took advantage, but then again it wasn't as if he didn't have a reason to. One thing he was grateful for was that his parents never hit him.

Seeing the girls walk out their bathroom, they sat with Adam. And somehow, Marisol shined more than all of them. Washing dishes with her…..he found her to be different than she appeared. She was prissy, but not airheaded….

"O Marisol could you please sit by me on the bus today?" Luke teased as the other hit him…leaving their cabin to join the others waiting.

"What? I see what you see. Mare is super hot." The unbearable boy saw what his words did to his roommate. "Sorry….she's not on my radar." He assured. He actually respected Mike and Adam.

"She's not on mine either." Mike stated. "She's making me reevaluate this whole thing. And I don't know whether to hate her or thank her." The two put the conversation on hold as they made it to the group.

The model grinned softly as she moved over for him to sit down. The two tried hard not to steal glances.

All six of them waited for Ellie to join them. Her notebook in her hand and a paper bag in her other. Staring at them, the kids didn't know what she had in stored for them. Smiling sneakily, they waited for her to talk. Looking in the bag, she gave them each a metal wristband. Their eyes showed confusion as they adjusted them to their wrists.

"What is this?" Luke asked as he saw a red light on band.

"A tracking device…..just in case one of you may try to sneak off." She informed as the sarcastic boy huffed.

"Cool…it's like we are a part of the CIA or something." Adam said goofily as the others let out a sigh.

"You can put it on…but there is a code to take it off….just in case…but I know you guys would never try to run away from here." Ellie giggled as the teens folded their arms.

"And can't forgive to give you your seat partner." The woman laughed at their lack of eagerness. They honestly couldn't have thought this didn't have limitations.

"I didn't know we were in pre-school…" Bianca and Luke stood united.

"Well you are…..and here are your assignments." She ignored their resistance as she opened the bag….pulling out names at random…"Luke and Mare….Bianca and Katie….and Adam and Mike…let's go."

Ellie sat at the back of bus hearing the teens chatter. It was odd for her. She was on the other side of her pain. She was now coping but she realized that even through their pain, these kids were still kids. They needed love as much as they needed interaction. And going back to the city was what they needed to boost their spirits.

Bianca couldn't believe she had the unfortunate luck of seating by Katie. The girl who was just as "bipolar" as she was. One moment, she was extremely happy and then the next….it was as if the ground was taken from under her. As the sun peered through the window of the bus, she kept her eyes at the woods that passed. Placing her hand on the seat, she blushed feeling Katie's underneath hers.

"Sorry." Bianca said without looking at her. Finding herself wanting to feel more of her hand. And the tomboy wanted to feel the girl's hand on hers again. But she would never admit it aloud.

"Why do you do that Bianca?" the red head broke her silence.

"do what?" Bianca asked. "You are the one who wants everyone to get along but when it comes to me….you stay stomping on me….I'm not as strong as I appear. With everything that has happened to me, I am forced to be tough…..its not a choice. Just admit it. I am nothing more than a prostitute in your eyes."

"No….no,…..I promise its not Bianca…you just…you do your best to make me feel uncomfortable….and I back away because I don't know how to react to you…I don't…I just….I just shut people out…..I don't mean to do it….I just…."

"I get it Matlin." The badass looked at the girl. "but why do you have to analyze everything that a person does? Especially me…."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do. Its like there is something about me that you are trying to find out. I intrigue you….and I wonder why….are you a wannabe bad girl or something…."

"No…..no….Bianca you are so…..frustrating…..I don't know what I want."

"everyone knows what they want." Bianca simply said as the red head blushed again.

Mike couldn't help but ignore Adam's chatter about Power Rangers when he noticed Marisol's head on Luke's shoulder. Whatever.

"You would be the red ranger definitely." Adam stated. "Mare of course….pink…..Katie is blue…..Bianca is yellow without a doubt…..Luke is the black one….and me….I'm the extra one…." He laughed.

"Adam…I have never met anyone like you…..I don't know if its good or bad."

"Me either…." The two laughed.

Luke couldn't push the girl off of him as she slept. And honestly, she looked like she hadn't rested. Her prissy ways reminded him of his sister. And his missed his twin dearly…..

_**Luke tried to walk away from the drunken man as he quickly turned him around. He was done arguing with the stern man. Seeing their expressions matching. They were truly father and son. Their eyes squinted in anger. Heavy breathing as their fists formed. And then out of nowhere…..**_

"_**Stop!" The strawberry blonde ran in between them. Her love for them both made them drop their defenses. "Please just stop fighting." The girl placed her hands on both their chests. Trying to distance them.**_

"_**Becky this has nothing to do with you." Mr. Baker looked her in the eyes.**_

"_**Yes it does. I know Luke does bad things…and I know you are still miss mom….but…."**_

"_**Becky….stay out of this…." Luke gently pushed her out their way.**_

"_**No….I can't….We need someone to help us….this family is falling apart….you've turned into a kleptomaniac basically, and dad you are an alcoholic….I want to help…I do…..but….I just stop taking it out on each other…" she pleaded as the two shook their heads.**_

"_**whatever." Luke walked to the room as his twin followed….as they locked his door.**_

"_**You have to stay on dad's blindside….lashing out….only leads to more beatings….and I oddly think that that is what you want." The girl found the first aid kit under his bed.**_

"_**maybe it is….maybe I want him to hurt me so bad that I die…" He whispered.**_

"_**That is the most selfish thing you have ever said…..and you have said a lot of selfish things…." She hit his shoulder. "Ever think about how I feel about you leaving me…"**_

"_**I'm just talking….I will protect you always…."**_

"_**But Luke it's not your job to do that…."**_

"_**I know you think about it…."**_

"_**What?"**_

"_**You wonder if Dad will start beating on you too….and the answer is no. I won't let him." The boy held her hand.**_

"_**I love you Luke…but I just feel as if this is a lose lose situation." She squeezed his hand.**_

Marisol's eyes widened at the sight of the Wal-Mart. Feeling the bus stop, she ran down the aisle…at least attempted to. Feeling someone take hold of her wrist, she looked at the culprit.

"Hold it Speedy Gonzalez." Mike stopped her as she sat back down. Everyone giggled at her.

"Remember, I am tracking you guys…..you have 2 hours. When you are done, come outside and wait for us. Don't make me regret this. And bring your receipts back. Don't want you guys to get anything you shouldn't….condoms, razors, makeup…..etcetera…..clothes and food and toiletries are only allowed…. " The teens nodded as they entered the Walmart.

Mare was fighting the urge to run to the cosmetics department and grabb some nail polish. She needed a manicure dearly. Looking at her hands, she was grateful she wasn't shaking as much. She didn't know where to go first. She had been away from this place for so long. And she noticed once again the five teens were staring at her like she was losing her mind.

"Come on…."Bianca grabbed her hand as she got a basket. "Can't have you run away….or test the make-up." She saw Katie looking at the two. Was she jealous?

"I saw that?" Mare noticed how the curly haired girl rushed them away from the rest of the group.

"Saw what?"

"How you are running away Katie….." Mare snickered as they looked at the fruit.

"I thought I was doing you a favor by keeping you away from Mike." Bianca smirked as she watched the black girl's expression change as the model grabbed the bananas…. noticing the boy near them.

All the words. They didn't make sense to him….everything was scrambled. And right now he was getting so frustrated his head started to hurt. He was so stupid. And everyone knew it. Which was why he was stuck doing what he was doing. Placing his hand over his head, he heard her soft voice.

"What's wrong?" Mare walked to him as she saw him shake his head.

"Nothing…." He grabbed the loaf of bread.

"I didn't know you liked sour dough." She made the observation as she noticed his blush.

"O I grabbed the wrong one….I want white bread." He hoped his next choice was the right one.

"O here you go." The model grabbed the bread beside it. "I do that all the time." She placed it in his basket.

"Don't you want to go back to Bianca." He noticed her embarrassment. "I mean…not saying that I want you to leave but I didn't want you to abandon the girl." He said.

"She's fine….she has a lot on her mind." She stated.

"Don't we all." He agreed.

Katie grabbed the Oreos as she tried to ignore the fact that Bianca excluded her. Why did she care anyways? She should be looking down on her. Girls like her and girls like the fighter never belonged in the same room, but Bianca was different. And the fact that felt her cheeks reddened made her sigh harder.

"So when are you and Bianca going to hook-up?" Adam's question took her off guard as she dropped the cookies on the floor.

"Sorry." He put the chips and dip in the basket as he grabbed the cookies. She didn't know where the question came from. And she kept lying to herself. Bianca was just some tragic girl. They were all tragic. And they were all using each other to make it through this nightmare.

"What makes you ask that question?" Katie thought of many times she wanted to run her fingers in the girl's curls. Or sleep with her to have a peaceful night like she did before.

"Just….when we are together….she always notices…never mind." Adam saw the rebel walk passed their aisle. Not acknowledging their presence. "It's like she….."

"Adam….drop it." They headed to the hygiene area. She never thought she would be so glad shopping for herself. Being independent once again. Looking at the millions of tampons. She noticed Adam was definitely out of place.

"Sorry…." She chose her brand as Adam shook his head.

"no…I have cousins." He blew it off.

He wondered what she would do if he told her he had experience with this. If he told her he knew how to use one. And he could tell her the best one out of each. Shaking his head, he watched the girl grab soap, body wash, and…..

Then she stopped. And her eyes were on the real prize. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. The gorgeous razors in the sealed package. Biting her lip, she reached out for it….longingly. How she missed it. How she wanted to feed her temptation…

"Let's leave….now…." Adam took control of the situation as he forced her off the aisle.

She wasn't going to buy it. She couldn't anyway. She just wanted to hold it. It gave her comfort.

Damn.

"Adam….I don't need you to protect me. I wasn't going to….."

"That's not the point…" He saw a woman look at the two. Who was she?

"I wasn't going to give in….I promise." She bit her lip as her mind traveled back to feeling the blade in her skin. "I was just…" Her voice stopped in mid sentence as she turned around to see a woman head towards them. No…no…no…..

Why did she have to run into her mother's coworker? Putting on her smile, Adam stayed in the background as the woman hugged her.

"Katie is that you?" The girl felt obligated to hug her back. "You look so good." The woman said genuinely.

"Thanks…..Nicole." She let out a breath. "Umm….this is Adam….he goes to my camp." She tried to not be embarrassed for herself. Everyone at her mother's job knew about how the star lawyer's star athlete daughter went crazy.

"Hello Adam….your mom was telling me how she is so proud of you and misses you." The woman tried to console the girl as the girl smiled. If that was true, why didn't she write the letter and not Winnie.

"I miss her too." The red head tried to keep her together. But she didn't lie. You could miss something you never had.

"And I bet you can't wait for her wedding in a couple of months." The woman noticed the girl's shocked expression. She didn't know. And she put her foot in her mouth. Damn.

"I'm sorry. I thought you knew…."'

"O I did…I did…I just didn't realize that it was this close away." She bit her lip at the oxymoron.

"Well I got to finish shopping. Hang in there." She hugged the girl as she walked off.

Feeling Adam's hand on her shoulder, the girl paused. How could she dump something on her like that and walk off so easily.

"Katie…I'm sure your mom was waiting to tell you at Parent Day….that's not something you can just say to someone in a letter." Seeing the girl's panic.

"Yeah….maybe you are right." She swallowed the lump in her throat as she held back tears. Once again, her mother didn't care enough about her.

…

"I use to love these things." Mare grabbed the gummy lifesavers from wall. "Me and dad would put them on our fingers and eat them off." She laughed as the boy nodded.

"Be careful Mare….. the more you get…the more trash we have to empty out as well." Mike teased as he grabbed some Riesens.

"You are so old….do you know that? Who eats those….."

"My grandfather did…" The boy defended as he knew he proved her point. "he was actually the only guy who was really listening to me. He was neutral as he could give the best advice."

"Like you." Mare smiled as Luke joined them adding protein shakes to the basket.

"I don't know all about that." Mike tried not to look at her beauty as Luke snickered evilly. "I can give the best advice but I can't take my own…what does that make me."

"A hypocrite." Luke added his personality. "…every one is…no big deal." He saw Bianca look in the clothes section.

"O yeah…thanks for today by the way. I really needed the sleep." The teen nodded his head as he noticed Dallas try not to be affected.

"It reminded me of something my twin does…and I would hate myself if she endured the life you, Bianca or Katie went through…I know I act an ass towards you guys but I protect her with everything I am. My dad won't get to her if my life depended on it." The boy and girl noticed his passion.

Finally he was revealing himself.

"its so crazy. You have a reason to defy your dad…but I didn't have any reason to disobey mine. They loved me…taught me…and I just." She took a deep breath…"I just need to forgive myself…."

_**Walking on her tiptoes….without her shoes, Marisol was grateful everyone was sleep. Turning on the light in her room, she began to undress. Still oblivious to the fact that her mother was standing in the corner.**_

"_**I thought you said you were at a study session." Paula stepped towards the girl whose mouth could not close.**_

"_**Mom….I…." Mare began knowing she was in for her mother's words.**_

"_**Don't mom me…I told you that you had to keep your grades up. This isn't you Marisol…" The beautiful woman began. "sneaking out….wearing short dresses…do you want this so much that you lose your self-respect."**_

"_**I haven't done…" Mare stopped the lie in its tracks as her mother showed her condoms.**_

"_**I found these under your mattress." The woman threw them at her as the girl picked them up. "Do you know how your father reacted?"**_

"_**Mom…."**_

"_**Shut up….because me and your father are sacrificing so much for you….do you know your father cried…for the first time since our marriage…..to know that you are laying with different men…..and don't you dare lie….we read your twitter, and Facebook.**_

"_**Mom…..at least I…"**_

"_**Mare there are things condoms can't protect you from. How could you be so stupid? So ungrateful….unappreciative….and then you are getting smaller and smaller….this isn't meant for you and you are done with modeling.**_

"_**No I am not. You can not make me…." Mare stood her ground.**_

"_**What did you say…" The woman approached her as the girl felt the hair on her neck stand up. But it didn't matter because she would not change her mind.**_

"_**I said….I am not…." The girl began.**_

"_**Let me tell you something. When you live under this roof, you will do as are told to do. You have never back talked to me and you will not begin. I don't even know you anymore Mare…..and what I say goes….modeling is over." The woman shut the door in the girl's face.**_

_**Rubbing her cheek, she got in bed. No way in hell. This was her life. And she would run it.**_

…..

Katie was more than happy when she got back to the camp. Everyone was happy but her. Riding the bus, she felt the rebel's eyes on her…but as always she ignored her. She didn't want to make this worse for her. And she didn't want her mouth to get her in trouble. All she wanted to do was drown herself in her pillows and bed sheets.

Bianca saw Katie lay on her bed. Tears down her face. Adam wouldn't tell her what was wrong as they got off the bus. Today was supposed to be a good day. And whatever it was, she had to do her best to fix it. Biting her lip, she sat on the athlete's bed. Hearing her soft cries as the rebel playing in her red tresses.

"Tell me….." The badass demanded.

"It's stupid….." the tomboy tried to brush it off.

"if it is….then why are you crying….." the two girls looked in each other's eyes as Katie refused to talk. Why was this girl so persistent with her? Why didn't she want her to stop?

"How about this…if I give you a present…will you tell me?" Katie shrugged at the girl's proclamation.

"Bianca Flaming Hot Cheetos won't make this go away…."

"It's something better." She pulled out the fuchsia scarf. "It made me think of you today." She blushed as Katie noticed.

"thank you." She sat up as the girl placed it around her neck loosely. "after my pimp was killed…..I made the mistake of stealing from this simple boutique. And my P.O. made me work there…it was actually one of the best things I could have ever done." The two laughed.

"I couldn't imagine you enjoying pink…or anything girly." The red head blushed as she looked at the cute scarf. "That's what I like about this place….we find out we have more things in common than we think. Her mind became saddened again.

"My mom is getting married and she didn't even think to call…or send an invitation…"

"Ouch." Bianca said softly as she saw the girl rest her head on her shoulder. And she liked the closeness of her now.

"Our mothers should definitely write a book about how to screw up their daughter's life." She looked at the rebel's beauty.

"That's one thing about parents. They never see how they fuck us up. They believe what they want to believe and see what they want to see. To this day I know my mom knows what that man did to me…." She said as Katie held her hand.

"But you are fighting Bianca…you are learning how to love yourself….it's beautiful…you're beautiful." Katie felt the girl squeeze her hand back.

No one ever said she was beautiful before.

Katie gripped the girl's hand tighter. Never before had she needed more comfort than at this moment. She was grateful Bianca could give it to her.


	7. Who Says

Who Says

Selena Gomez

Chapter 7

…

No one ever told her she was beautiful. Unless they wanted something from her. But the look in Katie's eyes, she had never seen that emotion before. And it scared the living hell out her. What possessed her to buy that scarf for her? What possessed her to place it around her neck and touch her hair. She remembered how the soft strands felt in fingers. The athlete's pale skin illuminating the fuchsia tint. Sitting outside on the steps again, she left Katie in her room to rest. It was one thing to not have parents like her, but to have parents and they exclude you was worse.

Smelling the pine scent of the air, she never thought that she would appreciate this place like she did now. She figured during this stay, she would be a badass and find loopholes to break the rules. To gain attention. But now, she didn't want it. Being in her group really helped her. And they learned from each other. Placing her hands in her hair, she looked surprised to see Ellie walk toward her.

"Sup El." The rebel addressed the woman.

"You have company Bianca….." The woman stated.

"Who…I don't have family." The teen shrugged as she followed the red head to the cabin office. Who would want to see her? She was an unofficial orphan. And as her legs moved, she wondered should she tell Ellie about Katie. Sure the red head was stronger, but what if she found something to cut again. A part of her wanted to keep a close eye on her, but it wasn't her sole responsibility to do so.

Walking in the office, she saw her probation officer stand from her seat.

"Bianca….." The older woman smiled as she hugged the teen. At least someone cared for her after all. Even if the woman was here on business, she made sure the girl was well taken care of.

"Barbara." Bianca cried as the woman looked down at the girl. She had thought she forgot how to cry…but this place reminded her. The girl who wanted to turn her life around. And who was successfully doing so.

"It's ok dear…..you are fine." The three of them sat down as the girl noticed the women's worried expression.

"What's wrong." The rebel waited. The anticipation was honestly getting to her. The woman was never this quiet.

"What If I told you…." Barbara tucked her black hair behind her ear. Grabbing the teen's hand, she looked in her eyes. "…..I found your mother…" The officer let the sentence out in the air.

"Then I would tell you to keep her hidden. I have put the fact in my head that I will never see her again….and I will not have her come here…..and then have my hopes dashed." She couldn't believe what she was hearing now. She knew this wasn't a sick joke, but why now?

"I understand you Binx, but I know you want some retribution. You have to show her that you have won if nothing else." The woman proclaimed.

"Barbara is right." Ellie remembered the conversations with her own mother. "This has nothing to do with her…..but everything to do with you."

"Why is everyone here acting as if I don't have the right to do so. This is my choice. I have had everything taken away from me by force…..my body…my self respect…..I don't want this to be either…Barb…for once I don't feel like dying. I actually feel that if I close my eyes, I will be missed." The girl exclaimed as Ellie smiled at the girl.

"Please…just think about it…I will be coming back to Parent Day…..right now just take care of yourself." She hugged the girl as she walked her to her car.

"Are they treating you good here?"

"Yeah…for once. I have a friend….actually more than 1….2 girls."

"Then that is everything I ever wanted. This job is so hard. And I try to keep you girls out of jail. Some listen and some don't….I'm glad you listened." The two hugged as she got in the car.

Watching her drive away, she realized that this may be a good sign for her.

…

Mike sat at the picnic tables. It was almost time for dinner. Another round of washing dishes. But at least it was with Marisol. Though the two could be bitter towards each other, they never took offense to each other. It was like their ritual. And it seemed as if she was the only person beside Jordan who liked him for him. They no longer assumed things about one another. They asked.

"Ready for another shift of dish duty?" Her dimples showed as he refused to look at her. The paper in his hand. The damned words again.

"Still afraid to read it…." Mare saw the boy shake his head steadily. This wasn't the strong boy she had known. He never allowed anyone to see him vulnerable. He could risk his neck in fights…petty thefts….but what had happened at home.

"Mike…"She rested her hand on his shoulder as he shook. He didn't want to feel this flustered. And Jordan was always there to help him with this frustration. But now he was by himself. With no one to really trust…

"_**Mike the dummy." The boy bald his fist as he heard his sixth grade class tease him with the teacher out the room. His day was living hell at this place. Seeing their faces patronize him. Ridicule him. He wouldn't take it anymore.**_

"_**Shut-up." He said as they continued to laugh at him. His breathing sped up. And his nails dug into his skin.**_

"_**Bet you can't spell it." One child said. "You're so dumb that you are going to fluck anyway." The class laughed as Mike grabbed a textbook throwing it at the boy. Wiping the smirk off his face. Seeing the shock in his eyes that he stood up to him.**_

"_**Now say something." The young black boy said as he sat back down at his seat. His complexion turning red as he felt himself being hit on his head by the other. Looking up he saw the boy smirk as he got out of his seat. Pushing him on the floor…..hard.**_

_**and their was finally silence in the room. And everyone was scared. But that didn't stop the other from charging the young black boy as they fell to the ground.**_

"_**fight….fight….fight…." The class said in unison as the two boys rolled on the floor.**_

"_**Mike…Daniel….."The teacher walked in as the class became silent. "Office…now…." She said with authority.**_

"Mare…if I ask you to do something…would you please do it…no questions asked." He pleaded as she saw his need for help.

"Sure….." She nodded. Usually she would have said it depended on the reward, but the boy was serious.

"Could you please read this letter aloud?" He handed her the paper as she began.

"Mike despite what your father says, I am still proud of you. I still call you my son because you went there.. You are still the same son I love because I know that deep down you want to change. And unlike your father, I know you haven't turned into Jordan." She watched the boy sit still. "but I hear he has gotten more reckless…and if I could I would have sent him there with you…but you are my child and I want you to know your main focus is to learn more about yourself. I love you….mom." she held her tears back.

"Sounds like her." His deep voice rang in her ears as she handed him back the letter.

"Mike….what…why did you make me…do that?" It didn't dawn on her yet as Mike didn't want to say it himself.

"Come on Mare…..you're a smart girl. Figure it out for yourself." He refused to look at her.

"You can't read? How….did you….?"

"I can read…it's just that the letters are scrambled or something. My mind can't sort it out." He refused to look in her gorgeous eyes.

"Mike you just told something really important. The least you can do is look at me."

"I can't….because I know the prissy model is going to sneer and snicker…and turn up her nose down at me…."

"I'm not…." She touched his shoulder. "we are over this phase of accusing things …don't go back because of this."

"How can I not? I'm dumb…"

"you are not dumb….and I don't want to hear you say that….because it will prove how stupid you are." She said as he looked in her face.

"Told you." He began to stand as she grabbed his arm.

"No…listen….you are like our fearless leader or something. Adam refers to you as the red power ranger…because you are. You stand strong…and you motivate us…if you can't see that about yourself then you are stupid." She exclaimed as he shook his head.

"Please don't tell anyone."

"You know I won't…." And then Mike saw the brightest smile on her face…"I could teach you….." she looked in his eyes as he shook his head.

"No…" he wanted to minimize his time with her. He missed her when she was gone.

"Well doesn't matter. Because I am helping you anyway." She grabbed his hand as he looked in her eyes. Beautiful…stunning…gorgeous…those words couldn't describe the girl in front of him.

…..

Luke heard his stomach growl loudly as he put down his magazine. He couldn't believe he made it this far without technology. But he did. And his body was in the routine of doing so. Hearing his stomach once again, he couldn't wait to eat. Grabbing some bread from the miniature fridge, he grabbed a plastic knife.

"Now where is the peanut butter?" He looked around seeing Adam on the bed…asleep. Shaking his head at the boy, he began to search drawers. Of course Adam would probably have it. He loved to hog everything.

Opening the drawer, he found the object of his affection. The peanut butter. But beside it, he was stunned. The tampons in the drawer.

Tampons.

What the hell?

What were they for? Looking at the boy sleep, he wanted to wake him up and ask…but then again, it wasn't his place to have searched his things. Wait. When did Luke become considerate towards others? Sliding the drawer closed, he continued to make his sandwich. But he was still curious about his roommate.

And how would he react to the boy now?

…..

Bianca sat behind her cabin. Hopefully, no one would distrurb her. She didn't know how she felt about her mother anymore. She had to stop lying to herself. She hated the woman. She hated her so much till she tried her best to erase her memories of her. The woman who ignored all the signs of her daughter;s abuse. The woman who thought the man who was raping her was tucking her in at night. Wiping her eyes, she still felt him touch her. Play with her. Letting out a gasp, she settled her heart beat.

What would it be like to see her again? What would it be like to hit her. Slap her. Push her. Would it make her troubles disappear? She knew it wouldn't but now she couldn't stop her mind from wandering.

Picking up a piece of grass in her hand, she realized that she was always an orphan. Even when her mother was around. And that she herself was only existing…and not living.

She didn't know what it was like to live anymore. All she knew how to do was run. And run fast. And now. That was what she wanted to do. Run away from her mother finding her again. Run away from Katie…yet, she wanted to run towards Katie again.

….

Katie saw their eyes on her. She knew they knew. And she knew they were trying to make her feel better, but she didn't want to hear it. Biting her lip, she held the dull knife in her hand. Her thumb on the dull blade. And she could hear nothing. Nor see anything. It was like she was that little girl trapped within herself again.

Bianca noticed the girl's trance as she sat at the end of the table. And she couldn't fight the urge to want to move over to her.

"Just let her breathe for now." Mike told the rebel as she nodded. This was turning into the oddest slash most unnerving day ever for the three of them.

Adam looked at his plate filled with meatloaf. If you could call it that. No flavor at all. Adding salt. It made a little bit more edible. But he noticed Katie didn't eat anything…but other things were happening. Like Luke avoiding him at any costs. What happened? And apparently Mike knew too because he was more cautious as well. Did they find one of his Dragon Ball Z mangas?

Then it clicked in his mind.

Their expressions were like the boys at his school.

He knew that look of accusation.

O no….what if they found out about him.? It would just be like school again. Where he would have to burn to hide the pain. No, no….

"Can you pass the ketchup?" He watched the boy give him the condiment. But he had to face the music. He couldn't run from this? And this was a part of his life now. He had to face it head on. At least here, the boys would be penalized if they hurt him.

"What's going on?" the two boys stared at each other as the girls were watching their friend.

"Nothing." Luke jumped a little as he ate his bread. So much for being mature in the situation.

"Tell me….you two have been edgy around me since I woke up." He waited for an explanation. This was the moment he was waiting on.

"Why do you have tampons in your drawer?" Luke asked as the question made the three girls look at them. No one could ignore the question if they heard.

Adam's face began to redden as his fingers began to fidget. His judgment day was here. What would he say? There was nothing he could think of. And their eyes demanded an answer quickly.

"O my gosh Luke." Mare intervened. They didn't have the right to put him on a trial. And then something came into her mind. "That's it?" The black beauty looked at the curious boy as she rolled her eyes. Everyone wondered how she was so calm.

"Yeah Mare…because it is normal for guys to have tampons in their drawers." Luke said as Adam watched the two converse.

"Maybe he suffers from nosebleeds." The model stated.

"Yeah….that's it…I suffer from nosebleeds." The boy began to lie. He didn't want to. But their expression showed him they weren't ready for to handle this. Knowing Luke, he would probably treat him like a leper. "I should have told you guys. When I get super stressed, it just happens." He shrugged as the others nodded.

"You shouldn't apologize…I….should." Luke sounded unlike himself. He was wrong.

"Did hell just freeze over or something?" Bianca and the whole table laughed.

"Don't push it." Luke bit back. "But I could have talked to you one on one rather than stray away like that."

"Common mistake….just ask next time." He folded his lips as he ate. Sure everything was back to normal until…

Katie forced herself to eat as she saw Adam look at her. She wished he wasn't there when she found out about her mother. At least she could pretend around them that she was fine. But what was the true definition of fine. Her mother was marrying a man who she never met. She wasn't important enough to meet him. And if he wasn't mentioned to her, so she probably wasn't mentioned to him. Eating her salad, she felt Bianca touch her leg.

"Everything will be alright." She looked up seeing Bianca sit by her. She didn't need to move. A faint smile grazed her lips at the girl.

"No it won't Bianca…no it won't." Katie felt the knife being gripped from her hand.

"You don't need this." The rebel protected the girl.

"I also don't need a babysitter either. I'm not going to cut alright…..just because I'm upset doesn't mean I am going to self destruct." The whole table noticed her statement. Her eyes beginning to water.

"We aren't saying that you are….we just want to look out for you." Mare backed the other up. Listening to her breakdown.

"Well frankly….you both have enough problems to handle….the pill popping anorexic…..and the thrown away slut." Her voice began to raise as she left the table. Ignoring the other teens' faces as she left. Biting her lip again, she was once more a display. Why couldn't she control her emotions. Why did they always explode on the ones they cared about the most?

Wait….did she care about the rebel?

"She didn't mean that." Adam stated as he grabbed Bianca's hand. As many therapy sessions as they had been too, they could be counselor's themselves. And every revelation explained each other's behaviors.

"it's still the truth though." Mare finished eating as Bianca held herself again. So this was the price to pay when you had a friend.

….

Mike looked as the girl diligently washed plates. Her nerves were obviously frazzled. He hoped it wouldn't send her over the brink. Waiting for her to speak, he continued his task. He wondered if this was how Jordan felt without him. He felt as if the other piece of his heart was missing. He wouldn't admit it to his other roommates. He didn't want to seem soft. But Jordan was truly his brother.

Marisol checked the plate to make sure it was spotless. This was the time where she would run to the bathroom. When she didn't get a callback or if she and her parents got into another argument, this was what she did. But she couldn't this time. She knew Katie was hurting. And it made her appreciate her parents more. They wanted her happy and healthy. Biting her lip, she knew Mike was waiting on her to talk. And she didn't know what to say.

"Isn't this the time where you are supposed to say something smart ass and I put you in check.? She washed the utensils. Just to think what Katie would have done to herself if Bianca hadn't taken it away. Not saying she would have cut again. But at least the opportunity was taken away from the athlete.

"nah…." The black boy shrugged as he looked at the dishwashing liquid. Not being able to decipher…

"We can start your lesson now." Mare tried to get her mind off her friend and her friend. Looking at him, his expression showed his curiosity.

On the streets, nothing came for free. Every thing had its price. This wasn't different. People don't give handouts. This girl just probably wanted to feel good about herself. But he wouldn't be taken advantage of like that. He wouldn't let some gorgeous girl get through his defenses. He didn't want to hear her condescend to him.

"Why do you want to help me anyway?" He asked as she looked at the boy.

"Because you helped me." She bit her lip. Touching his arm as he flinched.

"Sorry." She blushed as she forgot to wash her hands. No. he couldn't fall for her touch.

"People aren't usually this nice. What's in it for you?" He inquired harshly as her mouth dropped.

"Mike what's wrong… ….I thought you trusted me." She puts the plates in the rack.

"I trust no one. Just forget about it…..I don't need help." He finished as he left her behind.

What the hell was that?

….

Katie paced around the room. She didn't mean those words. She was an overachieving athletic cutter who wanted to be loved and cared for. Why wasn't she sneakier? Why did Bianca have to take the knife from her? A paper cut wasn't deep enough. And right now, she needed to release herself. Laying on the bed, she heard the door open.

Bianca.

The hardened girl who had so much patience with herself and with others. She didn't have the right to feel this pain with a girl who was pimped and forgotten.

"I….."The red head began as the rebel nodded.

"I know….." The brunette sat on the bed beside her.

"I just feel so powerless. I cant control my emotions, my words…right now…I keep saying that my mom will send me an invitation. But I know that isn't true. And no one can say anything to change my mind. Every time, I feel good about myself I'm pushed off a cliff."

"Did you really mean what you said? About me being beautiful?" Bianca asked randomly.

"Yeah…." She blushed as Bianca moved the girl's chin with her finger. Bianca had to see her beautiful eyes.

"Katie…you are beautiful too. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Don't let you mom take away your light. You have honestly been my rock since I came. Even when we go back and forth…We are so different….I'm the bad girl…and you are the good girl. And I honestly wake up just so I can see you. Hear your words of wisdom. I know it may not seem like it was coming the person you want it too….but I do care for you." Bianca noticed their hands touching. Lacing together. Her soft touch that she had to get away from.

"….me and Mare both care for you." Bianca got out of the bed quickly as Katie bit her lip. The words she just said couldn't be taken back and the blush on her cheek could not be overlooked. Ignoring the awkwardness of the situation, she returned to her bed. "So get some sleep because Ellie is going to put us through hell tomorrow." Bianca tried to stop her beating heart.

What just happened?

Why didn't she want the badass to leave her side? Why did this girl make her feel at home. They barely knew each other. Yet…..when she was near, she didn't want to be away from her.

"Umm…no wait." Katie saw the girl change clothes. Bianca's gorgeous body glowing….everything about her was glowing.

"What?" Bianca tried to not look at her as she put her pajamas on. The blush on her face was permanent. And her mistake would be known if it already wasn't.

"Please….sleep with me." Katie bit her lip as she moved the covers back. she didn't want to be alone. No matter if her actions showed otherwise.

"I don't know…I may have another nightmare." The rebel tried to remove herself from the situation. But the need in Katie's eyes only made her sigh.

"…..Ok." Bianca finally gave in as she joined the girl. How was she going to survive this night? She thought she had her emotions under control. But she didn't. Right now. It was as clear as day. She had feelings for the cutter who wanted nothing more than love.


	8. Who Says part 2

Who Says

Part 2

Chapter 8

...

Katie sat up in the middle of the night. Her skin felt as if it were on fire. Yet she felt the coolness in the air. What was the meaning of this? The tingling sensation she felt through her body. It wouldn't go away no matter how hard she held herself. Biting her lip, she still felt the arm around her stomach. Bianca's arm. The girl was making her pulse quicken with just one look and her body couldn't hide it anymore. Her body always portrayed her. No matter what…

_**She laid in hospital bead. Hearing the occasional beep from the heart monitor. It was like she was reborn. Her body was getting used to her senses again. Her eyes squinting at the bright light from her room. The smell in the air. The film of saliva she felt in her throat. Closing her eyes, she wanted to be unconscious a little bit longer. Looking at the stitches on her arm, she knew she would end up here. But deep down, she wished Winnie hadn't made it time. There was peace in heaven then on this earth. To many obstacles weighed her down.**_

_**She didn't know if she was happy to be alive or not. More like indifferent. And once again. Her mother wasn't here. She was never there for her. She was never there for her. Why was she the only one in pain? Why was it so simple for the woman to move on. Feeling the tears down her face, her breathing slowed as she clutched her heart. This pain was too much to handle. And no one could save her from it.**_

_**Grabbing the tissue on the stand, she tried to lower her moans as she reached. But the more she felt tears, the more her body couldn't take the pain back. It had to be released.**_

"_**Why doesn't she want me?" She kept saying.**_

"_**Why doesn't she want me?" the cracking of her own voice, she didn't seem to notice.**_

_**Winnie walked back inside, seeing the girl rock back and forth. That damn Gwen. She thought she became use to the fact that the woman would never show up, but it never got old. And the louder Katie's squeals got, the more helpless the grey woman became.**_

"_**It's ak baby." The woman held the girl tighter in her arms.**_

"_**What's wrong with me?" The girl clenched to her lifeline.**_

"_**Nothing is wrong with you….it's your mother."**_

"_**You should have let me die…"**_

"_**I couldn't let you do that. Then you would have left me alone too.." The woman felt the girl hug her closer.**_

"_**You're my real mother Winnie…" The red head breathed slowly.**_

"_**And I love you as one." The woman kissed her forehead.**_

Bianca woke up slowly seeing the girl stare off into space. She was in her trance again. Sitting up beside her, her arm never moved from her stomach.

"You want to go talk to Ellie?" Bianca ignored her feelings for now. This was about Katie.

"No…." Katie laid back down feeling herself shutter again. Her back turned towards this hardened girl who had so much honesty in her heart. A girl who was so protective of her friends. With a mouth to match.

"Why do you do that with me?" Bianca bluntly asked.

"Do what?"

"Open up to me…and then shut back down. You are the main person telling me to be a friend and then when I do, you make it so hard for me to be."

"What makes you say that?" Katie knew the answer to her own question.

"The fact you have your back turned to me." The rebel saw in the darkness.

"Fine." Katie turned to face the girl. "I am facing you. Now what?" The jock did her bed to hold onto the bed sheets.

"You know what…whatever….keep your fucking apology that you will tell me tomorrow…. By the way you asked me to sleep in the same bed as you. Which means you needed comfort. Not the other way around." She returned to her bed.

How did this girl have the power to turn her world upside down? How did this girl's red hair become the only thing she enjoyed imagining. Getting into her own bed, she closed her eyes hoping she wouldn't dream about her.

Good. She didn't want to be near her anyways. Everyone always left her…or eventually distanced themselves from her.

…

Mike looked at the tattoo on his shoulder. Something he wore with pride. Something he wore that made a statement. A statement that he didn't know what it meant anymore. This place was turning him indefinitely. That girl. That damn girl Marisol. She was showing him a different way to be strong. How did she make him weak like that? How did she get him to tell her his secret?

But he pushed her back…..

"Now the girls can see what I'm working with." Luke smirked with arrogance as Adam shook his head. The boy in the swim trucks flexed his muscles as the others laughed. They were becoming more tolerable of each other's different personalities.

"Which would be nothing." Adam teased as he kept his shirt on. Though the boys did not ask why, he didn't tell them. He just let them assume that he had burn marks on his chest. He hated lying, but he had to become more comfortable with his body. Now that he had no chest, he had to work on his abs. and then he grinned. For once he sounded like a real boy. Before it was mentally. Now it was physical…in a good way.

"I can't wait to swim even if it is an obstacle course." Luke stated. "when my family was together, my parents would take us to the beach. My twin Becky…was so scared. I told her that sharks were in the water. We were 10….she cried the whole way there." He laughed.

"I bet now she is crying tears of joy that you are gone." Luke rolled his eyes at the quiet boy's statement.

"Actually I am too. My dad spares her. And of course she is coming and not him…." He said bitterly.

"Don't sweat it. My parents aren't coming. I'm pretty sure that my mom wants too, but my dad will convince her not to come. I deserve it though." Mike saw the girls walk out the cabin. Mare's body in the all over bathing suit. Her legs so long, her skin so smooth…..no…stop….

"Everyone deserves a second chance Mike." The nerdy boy said.

"Not as many as me…I have already made up mind about that." The boys went outside.

Marisol refused to look at the boy as they stood in front of the lake. This just proved that she could never be nice to people. They would never respect her. They would always think she was doormat. And she was. And then the feeling came over her again. Holding herself, she began to shake as the others looked at her with concern.

"I'm fine." She assured firmly as she waited for Ellie to arrive.

Looking at the lake she saw the water sectioned into three rows. With weightless balls floating in each row. Great. Another obstacle course….and another….damn it. She still felt Mike's eyes on hers. But she would not look at him. Today she would have a good day. She would refuse to look at his muscles….

"Imagine being held by those arms." Bianca whispered in her ear. As she blushed.

"Bianca just leave me alone." She blew her off as the rebel laughed cynically.

Apparently the girls woke up on the right side of bitch today. Looking at the red head with her peripheral vision, she wondered what she was thinking. The red head who constantly wanted to be near her, and then wanted to push her away. She saw the look in her eyes. Maybe it was wishful thinking. It was just wishful thinking.

Katie knew she was being mean to the girl. And she said that she would never do it again, but she did. She wasn't being fair to the girl. And last night she felt more at peace than ever. But what she felt…..

"Alright." Ellie interrupted her train of thought. "Partner time: Adam and Mare, Katie and Luke, Bianca and Mike." They all sighed in relief. They needed a break from each other.

Ellie definitely noticed the tension between the group. the way they refused to look at each other. The way they tried to distance themselves from one another. But it wasn't her business. Teens were always friends one minute and not the next.

"Pick a swimmer and a catcher….because we are playing Swim Catch today."

"Who thought of that brilliant name?" Mike commented as Bianca snickered. He had to get Mare to notice him someway. And he found himself looking at her shake slightly. This was all his fault.

"The object of the game is for the swimmer to gather as many balls as they can on their aisle….but they have to throw it to catcher while they are still in the water. The catcher has to catch the balls to earn points for their team. Pretty common sense." Ellie stated.

"Not for some of us." Adam looked at Luke laughing as the boy flipped him off when Ellie's back was turned.

"I will do it….I'll swim." Adam told the model as she shook her head.

"No…I don't want you to because you feel….." She began as he headed to the lake.

"Mare he is doing it for your safety." Mike interrupted as she looked at him with attitude.

"We weren't even talking to you. Don't you have a partner?" Adam said nothing at the comment. He definitely knew Mare was the HBIC at her high school. Seeing Mike walk away, he knew the guy had to feel a tinge of pain.

"I never thought I would see the day that you showed your emotions." Bianca stood by him.

"I'm not." He lied as he knew the model was right.

"It's ok to like her." Bianca told him.

"Bianca keep your own house in order. Let's just get this over with." He saw her redden as he saw her observe Katie with Luke.

"So Gina Carano…ready?" Luke saw Bianca watching them.

"Yeah." The girl wanted to be near something she was afraid of.

"Can you please make nice with Bianca…she keeps glaring daggers over here. I can honestly say it wasn't me this time….unless she has fallen for my….."

"She hasn't fallen for anything you have Luke." She cut it off. "Just don't throw to hard." She rushed them to the lake. Bianca was hers. Wait….did she actually see her as that? Hers?

Standing there. Too mad to even take in the breeze, they waited for the sound of Ellie's whistle. Instead of throwing the balls at the catcher, they wanted to throw the balls at each other.

_Ring_

Jumping into the cold lake, their bodies adjusted to the temperature as they swam. Adam gathered the balls as he saw Marisol wave her arms to him. Throwing the first one, he rolled his eyes seeing the girl not catch it. He knew the prissy girl would be the worst catcher. Even without her withdrawals. And not because of her personality. But she was pretending to not be affected by her symptoms.

Mare concentrated harder. She couldn't let her body win. She had to conquer. Seeing the ball on the ground, she wouldn't make the same mistake. Seeing Mike's eyes on her. She would prove them and herself wrong. He didn't have the right to try to protect her and hurt her at the same time. His muscles in the sun. That tattoo that grazed his shoulder. She wanted to…never mind.

Seeing the ball in mid air, she jumped catching it.

Mike didn't care about winning. And hated how Bianca forced him to be the catcher. It was as if she knew the boy wanted to be by Marisol. Which he did. And right now, he was so focused on her, he dropped the second ball. He heard the model snicker at him, but at least he heard her laugh. But he had to live down the fact that Bianca was right. And right now, she was laughing hard at him. Mare was turning him soft. He had to stay away from her.

Bianca hated how Mike didn't take advantage of his situation. For some reason he tried to distance himself from the gorgeous girl. Why was life so complicated? why did she want to…..kiss her? There. She finally admitted it. Seeing Katie in the blue one piece, she did her best to throw the balls. But it was becoming harder and harder for her. This girl was in her senses.

Katie caught the balls. She had to do something to keep from noticing Bianca's body and beautiful smile. She didn't want to be here anymore. She didn't want to be around her. Her life was so less complicated when she had to just deal with her mother's neglect. Now she had to deal with Bianca, the badass who had the softest skin she had ever felt.

Luke noticed how Katie stared at the curly haired girl as she tried to catch the ball. Was that who Bianca was staring at? Was she the one who got under the badass' skin? At times Katie would become a robot. She would shut her feelings down. But even he remembered the times the red head would blush seeing the rebel make an ordinary comment. Maybe he was just imaging it…

As they got out the water, it didn't matter who won. Some things were more important.

"The winner is….." Ellie tried to lift their spirits. "Katie and Luke."

"Yippee." Bianca sarcastically said as she attempted to walk off. She didn't care if she was rude. She just had to get away from Katie. She had to stop staring at Katie. Her hair clinging to her body. It was too much. It was too much for all of them as they headed back to camp.

"So are you going to tell her?" Adam walked by the badass.

"No way." Bianca stated as Adam smirked. "I mean….what are you talking about?" Bianca saw the red head walk back into the cabin.

"Look…Katie really needs you. Even if she doesn't know it…or she knows it but she wants to run away." The boy read her mind.

"Adam….I got to go." She said with defeat.

….

Mike didn't think Ellie would make them clean up the obstacle course as well. Taking the trash bag from her hand, she laughed as she left to do their chores. Biting her lip, the model grabbed as many balls as she could. The faster she would get this over with, the faster she could get away from him.

He wanted to apologize. Tell her she did nothing wrong. He was the one who was insecure. He was the one who was afraid to change his ways. He was…their hands touched the same ball….as they looked in each other's eyes.

"Sorry." He moved his hands from hers.

"As if you don't have anything else to be sorry about." Her sarcasm bit him as she put the ball in the trashcan.

"Mare…..you don't get it." He watched her eyes squint in anger as he admired her beauty.

"and you won't help me to understand Mike….what is your problem? You try to act so philosophical. You lie and say you don't want to be here. But I know you do. I know it. And every time you begin to drop your defenses, you raise them higher. But then you….you are just a hypocrite….just….don t talk to me."

"Mare….wait…." he tried to pull her to him as she quickly moved her wrist back.

"No….I was actually trying to be your friend. Before this, I was so sneaky and I did what ever it took to get a job. I rejoiced at other's pain."

"Look….do you know how scary it is for me to be like this?" Mike began.

"Like what?"

"Like I don't know where my actions are taking me. I want to be loyal to my best friend." He exclaimed.

"mike the best loyalty is to yourself. You have to trust yourself. You have to know that you have to save yourself. I know you love your friend. No one can blame you, but you have to leave what you did in the past. You have to better yourself. You have to let others help you." She bit her lip.

"What would that mean if I did let you help?" His defenses dropped as he watched her dimples show.

"It would mean that you won't feel lost in the dark. I mean…it can only get better not worse….but on one condition." She offered.

"Like…." He knew this would come at a price.

"You have to let me tell Ellie. She can help….I mean…" She tried to grab his hand as he shook his head.

"I knew there was a catch…." He felt the girl take hold of his wrist.

"No…no…she can help us….." Mare placed her hand on his cheek. Trying to calm his down. Seeing his panic. She wouldn't leave him alone. Not now.

"If my parents gave up, that means she won't even bother." He said with defeat.

"I won't let her do that…." She assured him. "Please trust me to be your friend…how about this….I won't tell her now…but eventually I have too."

…..

Luke looked at her delicate handwriting as he read her letter. Only she could make him feel the emotions he tried to hide. He didn't mean to make her feel like that. He didn't mean to leave her behind. He didn't think his actions would cause an emotional rift between them.

_Miss you big brother. I know you don't want to hear that but it's true. Right now Dad can't even look me in the eyes. He knows it's his fault. And he still drinks. And he locks himself in his bedroom. He refuses to eat and I do my best to make him. This sucks. I never loved and hated someone at the same time before. I hate how he hurts himself and us. I hate how I can't be there for him and you. I hate how you aren't here to at least give me assurance. I just really miss you Luke. But don't worry. I will be there at Family Day for sure. Love always, Becks._

And he cried. Seeing the tears fall on the letter, he couldn't hold back anymore. Instead of fighting against his father, he should have fought for him. They were both in the wrong. Like father, like son. They forced Becky to be the mother to them both. But that wasn't her responsibility. It was their mother. The mother who forgot about them. The mother who took his heart the day she left them. The woman who somehow took their existence with them.

"Dude….." Adam broke his reverie. He had never seen the tough boy like this. Handing him a Kleenex the sandy teen refused it. He wanted to keep his dignity. No matter how little it was.

"Ummm….the humidity in the air. It's getting to my eyes….and my sinuses." He sniffled as he put the letter on his nightstand.

"It's alright…you don't have to talk this." Adam knew the boy would break eventually.

"It's just my sister carries the world on her shoulders. She worries about me ending up in jail…and dad dying because of his drinking….and this is how we thank her. By doing what we want to do. By disregarding ourselves to the extent that ….I just hate I can't be with her now."

"I know the feeling." Adam watched the boy contain his emotions.

"Really…..i'm honestly surprised that a guy like you is here. I mean not saying that you don't have a reason to be here….it's just that you have at least one parent who truly loves you….I know your dad doesn't for his own reasons….but at least one treats you right."

"Still isn't the same as having two at the same time…I'm really sorry about your mom though." The quiet teen stated.

"I just remember blaming myself for her leaving. It was as if I wasn't good enough for her….."

"Everyone feels like that when it comes to parents. That's why friends are so much easier at times."

"Why is that?" The obnoxious boy wondered.

"because you can actually choose them." Adam said simply.

"You are one cool kid Adam."

"I know." Adam nudged the boy.

….

Bianca came back in her cabin. She needed the shower. To wash the lake water off her body. Too bad it couldn't wash her feelings off. Seeing the girl lay on her bed with her back turned, she rolled her eyes as she grabbed a Capri Sun from the little fridge….slamming the door hard. No way in hell was she going to let the athlete sleep. She knew she was acting childish at the moment, but if Katie could…so could she.

Smirking, she began to slurp loudly as she saw the girl move slowly. She knew which buttons to press. Jumping in her bed, she laughed as she heard the mattress squeak. Finishing her juice, she crumpled up the packet as she threw it at the girl.

"Are you fucking serious?" Katie looked at the curly haired girl who looked innocent. The prissy tomboy knew what the girl was trying to do. How dare she try to bring attention to herself. How dare she read her mind. How dare she make her look in her….deep brown eyes.

"What ever did I do?" Bianca mentally laughed as the other grew angrier. Her smugness showing as she grabbed a pillow throwing it at the prissy tomboy who avoided it. She was surprised she didn't throw it back at her.

"Stop throwing your shit at me." The red head threw the pillow back at her. There was the fire again. The fire that always fascinated her. And gripped onto her. She looked so beautiful when she was furious. Her eyes squinted. Her mouth scrunched as she tried to lay back down.

"Oooooo…such vulgar language for the soccer princess." Bianca made fun of her as the girl turned her back to her again. "What other words do you know?" Bianca laughed as Katie sat back up.

"Just go to hell Bianca…..ever since I came here you have made it so unbearable for me." Her voice raised.

"How? By being there for you? Poor baby….you are so selfish…" Bianca bit back.

"I am not selfish. You are the one who acts like you are so tough….it's sickening…just leave it alone." Kate stated as Bianca walked over to her bed. Looking down at the girl. Katie hated how close she was at the moment. She just wanted to touch her. Tell her it was all her fault. That she was really crazy. That no one should depend on her.

"Katie do you even know the real you?" Bianca sat down beside her as the other tried to put distance between them.

"no….I don't…and for some reason you want to find out. Why? Can't you see I'm not stable enough. No matter how much I pretend to be. I go back and forth. I am hurt I am scared. And then when I am around you…why do I intrigue you so?"

"Katie you know why….." Bianca scooted beside her as the red head did her best not to look at her.

"We know the real reason for you pushing me back….the real reason you try to avoid my eyes.….." the rebel touched her cheek….as she played with her hair.

"You don't know anything." Katie got out of her bed as she tried to walk away from the cabin. But she felt Bianca grab her wrist. Her soft hand in hers. Finding relief as she laced their fingers together.

"No….I do" Bianca gripped her wrist. "You are not going to run away from this. You can't…because I know you….and you know me even if you don't want to admit it." Bianca began. "The way we are protective of each other. The way we can easily read each other's mind….."

"You don't know anything." Katie let her fear speak for her. "all you know is that I am cutter whose mother doesn't love her. If she can't, then how can anyone else?"

"Katie…." The rebel pleaded.

"No….right now…I can't trust myself…or whatever this is I feel. We have both been traumatic experiences and we could just be holding on to each other for comfort."

"Bullshit. I'm not using my life as a way to explain my feelings for you. Katie…I really care for you….like you….I." The girl began as the red head walked off. Bianca had to find some way for the girl to admit it aloud.

"Just leave me alone….I swear if you don't…" Katie turned around to find the girl still following.

"If you don't….what will you do? What will do?" Bianca threatened as she pulled the red head close to her. Blue met brown. Looking in her eyes…..their lips met. And the world stood still. Resting her arms around Bianca's neck, Katie felt the girl move them to her bed. Their lips never parted…no matter how heavy the fear got. The red head indulged herself for once. Simple pleasures truly were free.

….

Mare sat in the cabin office. Waiting for Ellie's approval. She just needed to talk to them. Tell them she loved them. Tell them she was sorry for everything. Hearing the dial tone from her phone, she smiled at the woman who was giving her her life back. who was not only fair, but just too.

Holding her breath as she heard her mother's sweet voice, she almost cried tears of joy. She never knew how much she missed her until she heard the rich tone of love.

"Hey Mom." Marisol put her hand over her mouth to keep from crying.

"Hey baby." The woman put her phone on the speaker as she sipped her coffee. She immediately noticed the strength in her daughter's voice. Nothing was worth more than this.

"Hey Mare." Her father's deep voice made her cry as he heard her breathe through the phone.

"I only have ten minutes…I just really needed to hear your voices. I really hope you guys don't hate me." She pleaded about her past. Biting her lip, she waited for the truth to be told.

"We don't need to talk about that….I just need to know how you doing….." Mr. Lewis wished his daughter was at his side.

"fine…my body is weaning itself. Slowly but surely. …but mom I want…." The girl began as her mom cut her off.

"No dear….we are fine…it's you who we are worried about. You don't need to worry about us….we should have never told you that. You have enough worries, but we didn't want you to think you weren't a part of this family."

"I'm glad you did…it makes me feel as if you trust me again. You trust that I am strong enough to handle this. Which I am."

"Are you making friends?"

"Yeah….I am…" She saw Ellie show her the watch. Damn.

"Umm…I got to go….ummm….I….I love you…."

"we love you too sweetie. See you next week." Mare hung up as she grabbed the tissue from the woman's hand.

"I really needed that."

"you did….and you have been working so hard. You deserved this privilege." She smiled at the young girl.

Seeing Mike sit at the picnic table, she blushed as he felt her eyes on him. Maybe they could be friends after all. If he wasn't so stubborn. Biting her lip, she sat beside him.

"So I was thinking….that we could start as soon as you wanted." He dropped his defenses.

"Yeah….come on." She grabbed his hand as he sat on her cabin steps. "Wait here." She walked inside…placing her hands over her mouth to keep herself from screaming. It finally happened. The two gave into their feelings. Seeing them kiss so passionately, she quickly grabbed some paper and pencils.

"What's wrong?" Mike saw her face flushed.

"Nothing…just something that should have happened a long time ago." She began to write simple words on the paper as Mike watched her. Moving a piece of hair behind her ear, he smiled as became shy. This was a good place to be afterall.


	9. Let You Go

Let You Go

B.O.B. ft. Ryan Tedder

Chapter 9

….

Adam kept his hand in his pocket as he made it to the bathroom. Little things like this made his life harder. He couldn't say he had cramps right now. Or that he felt bloated. Luckily he would play it off as food poisoning, but what about next month. All he could hear was his father's voice in his head. Reminding him this was God's way of saying he should be a girl…

"_**I love you Gracie, but I just don't understand what you get from this." His father watched the boy ignore him again.**_

"_**Its not for you to understand dad." The boy put his tampon in a little tin can.**_

"_**Boys don't have periods Gracie." Mr. Torres stood his ground.**_

"_**And parents are supposed to support their children. Guess we are both wrong." The boy spat back as the man huffed.**_

"_**Dad….i don't know why you keep talking about this with me. As if my opinion will change. I am sick of this. I'm not going back to Gracie…that's it….i'm not going to burn again just to satisfy you." He looked him in the eye.**_

"_**Adam I know I can be a little forceful…" The man began.**_

"_**A little. Are you serious dad? I burned my self because of you." He showed him his scars as the man tried to avoid them.**_

"_**They can't be overlooked…..and you know it…and you never even said you were sorry for pressuring me. I have done everything you have asked but you can't overlook this one part of me."**_

"_**I'm sorry you hurt yourself. I really am. But my opinion doesn't change about this…."**_

"_**Don't you dare call me that name again." The boy turned his back to the man as he looked in his drawer again. Seeing the lighter as he snuck it in his bag.**_

"_**Look…i…." The man tried to be softer towards his child.**_

"_**Just stop. Because I am so sick of this. I am so sick about all my problems being about me being trans. Mom treats me like a boy. Because I am one. And nothing is ever about my physical state with her…..it's you who is the roadblock in my life." He grabbed his bag as he left the man behind.**_

"Adam." Marisol playfully bumped into him as he dropped the tampon. "Sorry." The girl handed it back to him. "You alright? Do you feel another nosebleed coming on?" She asked with concern as the boy rushed off. Something wasn't right about this.

"Next Top Model what's on your mind now?" He read her uncertainty as she sat beside him.

"Nothing….." She shrugged seeing the tattoo under his sleeve. She had the urge to touch it. Biting her lip, she shook her head. This was about helping not…..touching him…..wanting to kiss him.

"So now you are lying." He looked at the word in from of him. Seeing her lips with his peripheral vision. He knew they were soft to the touch. He wished she was closer to him. Since when did a girl have such a great effect on him.

"No…Adam just dropped a tampon that's it." She tried to help the boy sound it out.

"I wonder why he didn't put it on inside the cabin?" Mike wondered.

"Maybe because people are squeamish of blood….and do you really want to see a boy with a tampon up his nose." She inquired as the boy shook his head.

"I guess not….but still…is he just going to hide in there until it stops…" He asked.

"Maybe he will wait for less people to be outside then he will comeback…..now….no more stalling…..let's start off with letters first….." It was good to know the boy was letting her be there.

…

Serena sat on the dingy couch as she drank her coffee. Looking at Barbara take a seat beside her. A look of regret on both their faces. The mother. The woman who couldn't protect her daughter from the monsters that haunted her. She couldn't look at herself in the mirror. And the pack of cigarettes she needed everyday could not make her live this failure down.

"Thank you for coming to see me….how is she?" The mother asked as the woman was obligated to tell her.

"She's good….." The police officer tried not to judge the woman beside her, but it was natural to only do so. Bianca was just like many girls who feel into a tragic cycle. And she was strong enough to break it.

"that's good…I wish….I could just…." Memories flashed of the torture she put her daughter through to keep a man. The screams she heard at night…

"Let me stop you there. You can't get any money off of her Serena. So let's not do this. What is the real reason you want to see your daughter? Do you want to trade her for fixes….." Barbara knew this con from many mothers before. It never got old. Nor did the cycle that they created for their children. Some escaped…but most did not.

"No…..the woman cried. The tears didn't make this go away. It couldn't make her erase time.

"Well then stop the crying and tell me now….for years you abandoned her. Did the man you chose over her drop you? Are you trying to get him back by using her again…I won't allow that to happen." The officer stood up as her eyes blared into the other woman. She was not a mother…not ever a person at the moment.

"No…no….I need to make this right….I have…." Serena began to panic as her heart quickened.

"How dare you….there needs to be more done than making this right. Bianca is a girl who has been raped, pimped….and anything imaginable…and you can't just come back in her life when things are looking up for her."

"I know it is not that simple…but maybe now she can actually listen to me. She can let me be there for her. I need her like she needs me….we have so much unresolved. Please let me go with you….I need my daughter."

"You need her for your conscience….nothing more or less. " The good woman gathered her files.

"No I don't…I need to love her…like I wasn't able to do…I let him hurt her. I looked her in the eyes and told her that it was all in her imagination. Everything I did to her….I don't want this weight on her."

"more like yourself. Is this what you think will prove yourself to me or her. I don't think so. I checked up on her….and I told you she was fine. That is all you are getting from this. You let her go a long time ago….leave her be…" The concerned woman couldn't believe she was still talking to this delusional woman.

"I cant do that…..you don't have children you wouldn't understand." Serena yelled back to her.

"How dare you say that? I have been more of a mother to her than you. Even when she was reluctant to my guidance. I didn't give up on her. That's what love really is. You have no idea." The woman left the apartment. She broke the first rule of this job. Never get close to the parolees but she knew Bianca was special the minute she saw her…..

_**Bianca ran from the loud siren as she continued to eat the sandwich. She hadn't eaten in days. And the lack of nutrition caused her to not think straight. Or breathe….It caused her to not even try sneak the sandwich from the store. Feeling her heel break, it didn't stop her legs. **_

_**Why did Ben have to be killed at this time with her money low? Tripping over a rock, she picked herself off as she attempted to run.**_

"_**Drop it. Now" The woman held her gun up as the culprit stopped in her tracks. Walking slowly to the figure, she grabbed the food out of her hand as she turned the girl around. Her eye bruised. Her neck with bruises. And crumbs on her mouth. Her torn clothes.**_

"_**Good job. You caught me." Her smugness and hard eyes made the cop take notice. Didn't this cop have anything else better to do than to arrest people who actually had legit reasons for stealing?**_

"_**Let's see what we have here. A girl who likes to steal from convenience stores." Barbara pushed the girl against the wall. "You have the right to….."**_

"_**Skip the Miranda rights…and get this over with." The prostitute felt the handcuffs tighten as her hands were behind her back. "Don't you have real criminals to catch? Like wife beaters….child molesters….this is bullshit." She recognized the woman's badge.**_

"_**What's your name?" the woman ignored her words.**_

"_**Bianca….Desousa…" She tried to turn her head to look at the woman. "I know who you are Officer Barbra Stone." She smirked as the officer turned her around.**_

"_**You have caught me before….stealing food before…you don't even remember." The badass huffed. "Just take me down to the station. I know the drill…one month in juvie…" the woman placed her in the car as she heard her stomach growl.**_

"_**you could have at least let me finish my sandwich. I haven't eaten in three days."**_

"_**That's not my problem. If you were in school and not misbehaving you wouldn't here."**_

"_**You mean…if I my mother hadn't thrown me away….I wouldn't be here. So judgmental." Why did cops think everyone had the same advantage. As if with hard work and little bit of endurance, you could make it out of the gutter. She just wanted to survive.**_

"_**Shut up back there." The woman said as she knew she sounded cold hearted. But this was the normal routine on her job. Girls being found who were abused. Products of their environment who were forgotten. But she had a job to do. She couldn't just stop the car to pick her up a decent meal even if she wanted to.**_

"_**Why because it's the truth….law enforcers are never pragmatic." Barbara noticed her word choice.**_

"_**You guys only fish out the prostitutes in this area anyways. What about the pimps who beat us? No you guys let them run free. They are the best informants and some of you use us too. Bet you didn't know that did you officer. What's the purpose of having the badge if you cant use it properly." The teen faced forward as she looked at throw the barrier between them.**_

Even then, the girl was intending to go down for something she believed in. She only wished her mother would have done the same thing.

…

Katie let her mind drift away as she felt the lips of her affection on hers. In her bed they lay. The rebel on top of her as she felt her hands in her hair. Her mind was becoming fuzzy by the minute. Feeling the girl's lips on her neck, Katie felt her own hands reach for Bianca's shirt. Their tongues battling for dominance, moans could be heard in the room. The girls could only hope Mare wouldn't try to stop this. Lifting Bianca's shirt over her head, Katie lay on top of her. This was everything to her. She was everything to her as she felt the rebel touch her lower back as she too lifted her shirt over her head.

Bianca wanted this girl in more ways than one. She didn't think their feelings would explode like this. She didn't think their lips would fit together so perfectly. Or that their hands would do the best they could to become familiar with each other's bodies. But wait…..she didn't want to ruin this moment…and it had to come to a stop….

"What?" Katie felt the girl gently push her off.

"Katie…you are running on adrenaline and instinct right now?" Bianca informed as Katie was still in a trance. Both girls in their bras.

"No…it's ok…I want to." The athlete met her lips again as the two laid on the bed.

"No…no….Katie stop." Bianca said out of the breath as she felt the red head's lips on her neck. No she couldn't….give in to her wants right now.

"Wait…wait…." Bianca pushed her back as they both sat up.

"Did I do it wrong? I mean…I have never been with anybody before…I…"

"It's not you…I promise." Bianca reassured as she grabbed her hand….as she saw Katie come back to her senses.

O God what had she done to this girl. This wasn't too much for her…it was too much for Bianca. With everything, Katie didn't mean for the girl to feel pressured.

"I'm sorry….I…I just lost control…I know you have through a lot. The one thing I don't want to do is to cause you to have flashbacks…or to make you think I am like Luke…I'm not….."

"One thing I don't want to be is confused either." Bianca began. "I don't want you to think that I am taking advantage of you. I'm not…..I really care for you."

"I know you do Bianca….trust me….I do too. I think I knew it the minute I saw you. I honestly feel more of myself with you than by myself. I hope that makes sense…." The red head stated.

"It does…" the rebel blushed as Katie hissed her forehead. "Were you really ready to give you my virginity or were you caught up in the moment."

"A little bit of both." She reddened.

"It's alright. I would never take that away from you." Bianca folded her lips.

"Bianca I know I can't erase what that man did…..but I can at least be here for you."

The rebel smiled at the thought of actually having someone there for her, but then she realized…..this would not be forever. And her smile turned quickly into a frown.

"You say that…but what will happen when we leave here." The girl shrugged as they looked at each other for the answer.

"Why don't we just cross the bridge when we get there. We take this slow…because that is all we both can afford." Katie stated as the other nodded. Why couldn't this place be there end? Why couldn't it be the only world they knew of? Amazing how they made this place home. It was amazing how they wished this was truly a prison because no one wished to leave.

"So what do we tell the others? Especially Luke?"

"Why don't we just tell Mare for now….and ease it in on the boys." The girls rested their heads against each other.

…..

Gwen looked at the scenery on the exquisite balcony. Feeling the arms of her lover around her. The beautiful sun in the sky as he handed her the champagne. kindly taking she sipped as she thought of her daughter who she deprived of. She was a coward. Running away from what truly mattered.

"What's wrong? Is Katie alright?" the man asked with concern. He never understood why the woman of his dreams always avoided talking about her child. He knew she wasn't ashamed of her…

"Yes…she's fine dear….." the woman reassured her love.

"I told you we can postpone the wedding." Winnie heard the proclamation as she continued to dust.

"That would be a good idea Ken." The grey woman intercepted. The man felt the tension between the two women as he looked at both their faces. He was always scared of bringing up Katie's ordeal to Gwen. He didn't her to think he was judging her. He was just waiting for her to tell him.

"No….." Gwen said suddenly. "When two people are in love they should be together…I want us established when I introduce you to Katie. She will just love you." The blonde glowed as the man eventually nodded.

"I don't see how. She barely knows him." The maid whispered as her employer shot her a look.

"Look I should go." The man kissed her as he left. The two woman looked at the other.

"Ken did nothing wrong." The blonde woman folded her arms.

"No…but you are setting him and your life up for failure. You can't have your cake and eat it to. If you love him how can you get him involved right now."

"Look…how I choose to live my life is none of your business."

"When I am taking care of your daughter…it is…think about this Gwenie….you expect Katie to have to share you with another man. She barely knows you now….."

"It can work." The business woman pleaded.

"No it can't….you think Katie-kins is going to run in your arms….forgive you for everything that has happened….and then embrace this stranger as her father."

"I can bring him with me to Family day…."

"Don't you dare do that to her. It's bad enough you didn't tell her about the wedding. Now you just show up out the blue…..do you want her to try to kill herself again. Robyn and Cliff really twisted your…."

"Don't you dare talk about my parents. You have no right. Without them you wouldn't have a job." Gwen spat out as the old woman's face did not change. She was still firm

"You can fire me now…but who would you get to take care of Katie. As a matter of fact why don't you just give me custody of the girl? We can move out. You can pay for her schooling….it is nothing less than what you do now."

"Why are you making me into this horrible person. I just want to be…."

"You are a mother who needs to stop playing childish games. I hate how they took your childhood away from you. You were always studying. Always in these organizations. You never had the chance to figure out who you truly are. Now you are in this midlife crisis. I hate it for your daughter….." Winnie left the woman. Why did they constant get into these arguments. Nothing would ever change.

….

Bianca let the girl rest her head in her lap as she read her letter again. She didn't know why she did it. It wasn't going to change. It never would. But at least this girl's presence would help her cope. Feeling the girl play in her hair, she took another deep breath…..

_Katie. I know I am not the real thing. And I never will be. But I want you to know that I truly do love you. You have always had to grow up faster than you should because you felt you had too. You felt as if you had to fend for yourself because you mother wasn't there. And that is her fault. It has nothing to do with you. I wish I could take you away from this world. I wish I was there to stop you every time. But I still want you to know that I know you are strong and that you can beat this. And when you do. I will be there. See you soon._

"Bianca…." Katie held onto the girl as the rebel held her back.

"That was beautiful." She smiled bitterly at the girl.

"No…its not. It is never beautiful when a woman doesn't want her child. It is never beautiful when a woman wishes she could give you the world but she can't. No matter how hard she tried." The red head sat up.

"Katie…I know you miss your mom….believe me….I still miss mine too….but be grateful with what you have. You are so busy looking at what you are lacking. You need to focus on what you have….I mean….look at you. Your gorgeous…you are going to make it with soccer or not….."

"Stop that Bianca…"

"Stop what?'

"Degrading yourself. You can't even see what I see."

"and what's that."

"A strong girl who helps others no matter how much they hurt her. You have been put through so much pain."

"…that explains why I look so rough compared to you." Bianca looked at the ground as her dark humor hurt the girl beside.

"No…you and Mike think alike in so many ways. I see you for who you are. Not what you are. You have to believe that. And you are smart. And I am pretty sure that there are GED programs if you apply. You have so much promise. And I would hate for you to make your life an excuse."

"Katie….everyone is not like you…..i mean after this…"

"I thought we said wouldn't think about that. We would…" Katie hated how she kept retracing her steps.

"I know….time passes so quickly…and even now I know this is the best thing that has happened to me." Bianca rested her head on the athlete's shoulder.

"I know…me too…."

"How would Winnie feel about this…even if this were a fling….do you just want me to avoid you on Family Day?"

"No….no….This isn't a fling….I can assure you that. You are so use to people walking out on you. I am not like that. And I could never avoid you. Know that. And Winnie just wants me happy. I mean…I'm sure she knew something was up. I never really showed interests in boys before." The athlete shrugged.

…..

Adam took a deep breath as he heard someone walk in. How could he forget to lock the door. Damn it. Wait. All he had to do was stay in the stall. Hidden. Biting his lip, he hoped to the teen would leave soon.

"Adam." Mike found the boy's shoes under the stall. He had almost been in here for thirty minutes.

"You alright?" The black boy asked in concern.

"Umm…yeah….." The boy hated how he had to keep up his lie. The minute he got in the stall he realized he had to walk back in the room with a tampon in nose. He knew Mare would tell Mike. Nosebleeds don't just stop in a minute. Damn. Damn. Damn.

Mike noticed he didn't smell any blood in the air. When did he become a bloodhound?

Adam stepped out when he heard Mike at the urinal. All he had to do was to walk passed him. And then nothing would have to be said. Guy Code.

Walking to the door, he left. Hoping Mike was too preoccupied to notice.

Mike caught up with boy. That was really odd. And he knew the boy was avoiding him with all his might? Why? He was a criminal. Well ex criminal. He wasn't scared of blood. And it must have stopped as he didn't see a tampon in his nose.

"Dude calm down….not everyone freaks out at blood." The cocky boy noticed no trails of it no his face. Maybe he was just paranoid. Adam could have just washed it off.

"Mike….." The nerd opened his mouth. Hoping he could find the courage.

"What…..Luke is just an asshole...but lately has become…more not like himself." The handsome leader observed.

"nothing….." Adam walked off at the boy caught back up with him.

"What's up? Why are you so on edge." The leader demanded an answer, but he couldn't give him one. He couldn't trust himself or them for that matter. He hated lying….so badly.

"I'm not….i just…."

"Adam….its just a nose bleed." Mike stated as he hoped Adam would just come clean and trust his friend.

"Yeah…that's all…a nose bleed." The boy left him behind as the leader followed him with his eyes..

….

Mr. Dallas watched his wife take the cornbread from the oven. Folding his arms, he watched her ignore him. The tension in the air. He waited for her to say something.

Seeing her husband redden, the woman continued to cut the cornbread out of the pan. She would not give up on her son. She loved him. And as long as time moved on, she had faith that he could change. Hearing the man tap his feet, she looked at him. Her eyes showing her digust of him.

"Don't look at me like that." He ignored her eyes as he watched her grab containers. He knew he was the bad guy. And he wanted to believe his son could change…but he knew it was a wish wasted. Now all he wished for was not to get that one phone call that would ruin him to pieces.

"They are my eyes. I can look at them anywhere I please." She placed the food in the containers. Keeping her mouth closed, she was scared she would say something to hurt her love's feelings. Yes, she did love her husband, but he had to understand that a mom could never leave their child. Never.

"You know all of this will not make…." He hated how their son always dashed his wife's hopes. It wasn't fair to good hearted woman who did nothing wrong. It was him who gave up on his son.

"No it will not make it better, but you being there with me can." She pleaded with her eyes seeing the father and son resemblance.

"I told you my opinion of the situation." The man stood strong.

"So then…leave it be….and let me do as I please." She made up her mind as well.

"I just don't want to see you get hurt again. Over and over and over again."

"I just don't understand how you could just…turn your back on your son like this." Camille began as the husband rolled his eyes at her.

"I didn't. I want more than anything for him to come to us….but I want him changed….I want him to make that choice….you were the one who had to write him." He accused.

"Last time I checked this relationship was a partnership." He folded his arms as she looked at him for his comment.

"It is…me and you were supposed to be a team." He pleaded.

"We are a team. You are just too stubborn. And you hold grudges Michael."

"Camille…..how can you blame me for wanting to give my child tough love. This is more than a grudge. What about the many nights he snuck out of here. The many fights he got into…you make this sound like a slap on the wrist…who knows what else he has done."

"I agree whole heartedly, but we can't just abandon him. Throw him away….like Jordan's parents did." She emphasized.

"Let's not even bring that up to him…..when we go see him." He finally gave into her.

"Jordan is not a 'that', he is a person…..and I won't tell him. At least…not now…." She was grateful he was coming with her.


	10. Let You Go part 2

Let You Go

Chapter 10

Part 2

…

Mike looked at the scribblings he had down. How Mare was helping him. How she was the only person beside his mother who never gave up on him. Why was this. He knew he could never be fixed. He knew she would move on when things became better. He knew she would end up with a local actor or perhaps a entrepreneur…a man who could give her everything that she needed.

Hearing the two boys come in, he hid the paper under his mattress. Family day was here. And he honestly, he just wanted to fast forward this day. He just wanted to lock himself in this room. No one was coming to see him. They all looked at him to be strong. But he wasn't. Right now he wanted to cry as he heard Luke and Adam chatter about their families. He just needed one person to be there. And he knew who he wanted it to be. But he couldn't depend on Marisol to save his day. He couldn't deprive her of her family today.

She needed them.

No. Today, he would just be the odd one out. He could deal. He had to.

Not seeing his roommates look at him as he left the room, he sat on his steps. Seeing the millions of decorations. The teens hugging their parents. Showing them their cabins and friends. It was already 9 in the morning…and people were already here. Feeling tears drop on his face, he felt someone wipe them away.

"Hey you." Mare tried to brighten his mood. Sitting beside him. Resting her head on his shoulder. He needed this. So much time was spent between the two. So much time that now she could truly seen behind his defenses. Amazing how you could change your face, but you could never change the emotion in your eyes.

And she sorrow when she saw it. But it touched her heart that he was no longer pushing her away. And he allowed her to touch him. Biting her lip, she looked up at him.

"Don't say it…." He stared in her eyes as she nodded.

Resting her head on his shoulder, they watched families arrive today. And her heart went out to him so much. She wished she could take it away. She wished he knew he wasn't this bad guy or this stupid guy that he thought. Looking at his hand, she nervously touched it as she felt him lace their fingers together.

He said nothing as she found herself smiling sadly.

"It's going to be ok Mike….i wont leave you." He said nothing at her response.

He wished he could believe her.

…..

George continued to drive with Audra in the passenger seat. Why they decided to drive in the same car…..Adam was the only reason for this. He was their son. And no matter how he tried to make things make sense to him, he couldn't turn his back on his child. And he didn't want him to burn himself again. He did have a heart.

Audra sipped her coffee as she read her magazine. Seeing the look on his face, he was in deep thought. And looking at the gas gauge, they needed to pull over soon.

"we need to get gas." She alerted him as he ignored her words.

"No we don't. we are at a fourth." He bit back. His eyes on the road.

Audra shook her head. Even now, the two could not be civil with each other.

"I know you are upset about me condoning Adam…but this is not the time to try to prove me wrong. Let's just get through this peacefully." She attempted to reconcile with him. All she wanted to do was to show Adam how much he meant to them. Their son had to know that he was perfect the way he was.

"Audra…." He grew irritated with her. "Why does everything have to be your way? Why do you always have to call the shots?" He slowed down on the road. Memories flashed of the many ways she tried to showed her dominance.

"Because it seems as if I am the only one in touch with reality when it comes to this family….all you do is work late hours. Neglect your family….give religious criticisms….and then when we try to involve you…you found some reason to leave…and then you finally did." She bit back.

"O so it is my fault." He was grateful no one else was behind them as he looked at her.

"Since we are on the subject….yes it is your fault. It is your fault your son feels guilty for who he is. It is your fault that you push him away. It is your fault that he burns." She guessed they weren't going to try to make this work after all. "I shouldn't have let you come anyways."

"typical you. The perfect wife. The woman who can manage it all. Business and children but let's be honest, we know why you so accepting of Adam." His face became firm as the woman waited for his answer."

"Please tell me then." Her sarcasm rung in the car.

"You were trying to spite me. You knew I wanted to give Gracie counseling. It was the only way she could….you should have sent him to the camp sooner…..not after he burned." His accusation made her mouth drop.

"I can not believe I am hearing this now. So that explains it. This was why you agreed with me to send him to camp. You thought they would change him. Get it in your mind Adam is not changing. He never will, you have to accept him for him. And I sent him there because he was burning himself George…not because of him being transgender."

"No you should have stood by me in this decision. It wasn't me who drove a wedge in this family. You did." He directly said.

"Are you kidding me. I am so sick of having the same conversation over and over again. What Adam needs to see is for us get along. Not to hear you scorn me or him. And you know that. Even now you are being so egotistical. This isn't about you. This is not about you. And I am glad we not together, because me and him didn't fit in your plan anyway. After today, you don't even have to remember us. Because we are an obligation to you…now pull over for some gas."

….

Bianca observed Katie placed the scarf around her neck with her white Tshirt and blue jeans, but now she didn't try to hide her scars. Watching her hair glow in the sun, she smiled at her.

Katie heard the chatter outside, and she was more than happy to see Bianca brighten. She had someone who was coming to see her. Staring at her body in the shorts and spaghetti shirt. Her beautiful legs made her blush as she wrapped her arms around the girl's waist.

"Well this is a nice surprise." Bianca felt warm as the girl caressed her stomach. Feeling her kiss her cheek as she turned around giving them both what they wanted. Moving Katie to the wall, her lips found her neck again. Hearing the red head moan in pleasure, she instinctively unzipped her pants…

"Ugh…ugh…." They parted as they heard a loud cough.

Marisol stood there with folded arms.

"Guys could you please cool it just for today?" She pleaded as she saw the two break apart. "Just be grateful it wasn't Ellie who caught you guys." She saw Katie zip her pants back. she wished she could share this with Mike. Smiling as she still felt his hand in hers.

"Sorry about that…." Binaca saw the red head blush harder.

As the black beauty sat on her bed, he mind began to travel to her parents. What would they think of her when they saw her? Would they see her like how she saw herself. A desperate, dependent model who did anything to get what she wanted. She wasn't that person anymore. At least she thought. Being her in the seclusion made it easier for her to abstain, but when this was over. She wanted to be strong like her mother and father. She wanted to stand for morals and fall for the cheap and easy way out. Looking at the picture of the apartment complex they had moved into, she smiled. As long as they were happy, she was too. Placing the picture back in the envelope, she memorized their letter front to back…..

_ Hey baby girl. I know you are doing well there because you have me in your blood. And no matter how bad things are, we always make it. I know you feel as if you hit rock bottom, but the great thing about that is you can only go up. Me and your father have so much faith and hope in you. We only wished you had it in yourself. Because you didn't need modeling to make you feel beautiful. You are already that and more. And we are doing everything we can to support you….which is why we sold the house. Don't blame yourself. Me and your father thought of this together. This is help pay for your finances for the camp as well as your agent. We are still proud of you because you acknowledged you needed help. And we love you._

_Take care baby._

Bianca saw the girl wipe her face, as she handed her the tissue. Sitting beside her, it was odd how now the two were like sisters. The black beauty sniffled as she rested her head on Bianca's shoulders. Never would she have put money on the three of them becoming close. Sharing hardships with each other as the red head looked at them together. Mare definitely had to stop beating herself up. This place taught her that everyone made mistakes. And nothing was wrong with that. The athlete sat beside her as she held her hand.

….

Becky closed the door to her car. So many people were here. And she was overwhelmed by the sight of the cabins. So many teens who needed help. But then again everyone needed help. Even her. She hated how she her father didn't want to come. He was too unconscious to come. But this was her time to be with her brother. Walking to the registration booth, she waited in line.

The long line filled with loved ones. She wondered if they were like her. If they loved and hated at the same time. It was oxymoron that didn't make sence. But she loved and hated Luke at the same time. For everything. She hated how couldn't that she wanted to have a life. She wanted to have friends. But she always worried about them in the back of her mind. She was expected to take care of them both, but who could take care of her. And as the line grew lesser and lesser, she wiped her tears away. But it was no use because more came….

_**Becky opened the door to the dark room. Her father's room. Correction. Her parents' bedroom. Taking a deep breath, she held herself. A part of her was waiting for her mother to come back to them. To realize that man didn't and couldn't love her like they could. Why didn't she want them anymore? Wiping her tears aways, she grabbed the empty vodka bottles on the floor. Placing them in the trash can, she looked at her father's sleeping face. The scowl didn't go away. He never had a peaceful night anymore. He couldn't escape in his dreams because he only relieved that day when she walked out on them. Correction…..she was gone when they arrived with only a letter. She never thought that this could happen in reality. That life could never get this dramatic…but it was.**_

_**Kissing her father's forehead, she looked at the picture he had in the bed on his side. Grabbing it, she bit her lip to keep from crying. It was a picture of them together. And her heart broke….crashed….to the bottom of her stomach. Dropping to her knees, she placed her hands on her face. The tears, the moans, the aches….her voice grew louder and louder…not caring if her father could hear her pain. But she knew the man would never wake up….he was too drunk too.**_

Thankful it was her turn, she gave her name….and in return she was given a name tag and a map.

"This will definitely help." Her sarcasm didn't make this easier. This camp needed more employees. Looking at the map, she hoped she could find her way. She hoped she didn't keep Luke waiting longer than he needed to be. The millions of people she bumped into. One thing is for sure though, this place does seem to have some healing powers. The crisp clean air made feel more alive. Biting her lip, she glowed when she realized she was going the right….

"Oww….sorry." Her voice made the boy turn around.

"No problem….." Adam looked at the strawberry blonde. He golden highlights gleamed in the sunlight. Beautiful.

"Hi…." She tried not notice the handsome boy with the quiet demeanor. But it was kind of impossible to do. He had a gentle spirit about him. Something she wished she had herself. Biting her lip, she felt the blush upon her cheek.

"Hi…." He repeated his words. He was such a nerd. And his awkwardness only showed it. He could barely look this girl in the eye.

"Ummm…" She regained her composure. She was here for a specific reason. "Ummm….ummm….do you know where cabin 122 is?" She waited as she saw him nod.

"That's my cabin. What a coincidence…you must be Becky?" He saw her nod.

"and I am Adam." He shook her hand as she blushed.

"Nice to meet you. I…..hope he hasn't been to much of a pain." She bit her lip.

"He has his good days and his bad days." He teased as he noticed her fear of the large crowd.

"Sorry about the bad. He really is a good person." She tried to become more comfortable as the millions of people walked past and around them.

"yeah. He talks about you a lot. He really does miss you." He grabbed her hand so she wouldn't be stranded in the crowd. Squeezing his hand back, she smiled at him as they walked inside their cabin.

And the world stopped when the two twins saw each other. Tears in their eyes, they ran to each other. Holding each other for dear life.

"Lukie…" She brightened as she ran in his arms.

"Becks." He held her as she cried.

"I missed you so much…." She sniffled as Adam watched the siblings.

For once, Luke didn't have to be the asshole; he could finally be himself.

…..

Mare couldn't explain the elation she was feeling as her parents embraced her together. One arm around her mother's waist. The other around her father's….they took in each other's touch. They were once whole again. And her tears of loneliness became tears of joy. She couldn't forgive herself for hurting them and herself….but she would do her best to not make the same mistake again.

"I missed…" She began as she looked into their eyes..

"We did too." Her father cut her off as he held her hand. Having his daughter back was….words could not describe it. She was actually smiling. She was not lying….and she was gaining more weight. She was definitely becoming healthy again.

Mike watched the girl with her family. And he smiled as he sat at the picnic tables. She deserved some happiness. He hoped she could keep it close to her. If he couldn't be happy, he would enjoy hers. He didn't deserve her friendship. He wondered if she knew that? He always wondered what she thought about him.

Jordan turned his head as he felt eyes on them. Seeing a light skinned boy at the picnic tables…the same teen that turned his head quickly. Seeing his daughter blush, he didn't know how to react to this. He honestly didn't want to think of his daughter with another teen.

She had already been through so much with men….and drugs…..looking at his beautiful wife, she didn't know how to react either.

Paula knew her daughter better then she knew her own self. And her eyes showed how she was growing. Holding her hands tighter, she noticed her child try not to look at the boy who was staring at them. Poor boy.

He was alone. No family by his side.

Mare noticed his eyes on her, and she didn't want to leave him alone…but right now…she wanted to enjoy her family by herself. Wait. That was selfish of her to think of this. And she did promise that she would not leave his side today. And right now her emotions were all tangled…and she noticed her parents stare at her as they walked together.

"Dear…you alright?" Paula asked as they observed the beautiful scenery.

"Yeah…I'm good." The teen uttered. "I just can't believe the day has come when we are together again." But her heart wouldn't let her forget about Mike. Damnit.

"And the other reason?" Jordan looked down as Mare looked at the muscular man with a deep voice.

"…..My friend….I…he…his parents didn't come…." She paused. "you know what…I will just see him later…this is our time…and I want to talk to you guys now." She took them on a tour of the campus.

"Just invite him dear." She looked at her husband who was wary about her announcement. They knew nothing about the boy Mare was talking about. Hell, she didn't either. They had only spent a month here. And even though Paula knew this, she didn't want any child to feel without. And that was what made him fell in love with her. Her big heart.

Mike tried to go in his cabin as he felt someone tug his arm.

"Go away." He knew it was his affection as he turned towards her. He didn't need to be taken care of by her. But the way she laced his fingers with his…he had a hard time breathing. As many fights and bloody knuckles he had, a simple touch made him blush.

"come on." She pleaded as his stoic demeanor reappeared. A smile reappearing.

"No…this is out of pity." He looked at her. He had to see she meant this.

"No it's out of friendship. I know you don't want to be alone. And I know I you need a friend. I just hope you don't think I am trying to replace Jordan….I am not." He nodded as he dropped her hand. Instantly wanting to grab it again….as they walked up to her parents.

Seeing the eyes of her father. Already threatening him. Already judging him….but if he had a daughter like Marisol, he would too. He needed to protect her from him. Because even now, he found himself wanting to touch her.

This was going to be harder than it looked.

….

The red head saw her creator. Not her mother…more like her surrogate. Seeing the resemblance between them, she folded her lips. The small blue eyes to their personalities, they were the same. Only difference was the hair color. And she could not find the right words…or the right actions. Gripping her scarf, she pretended Bianca was with her. What would she say to her? She would tell her to keep her emotions in check. To not hit the woman before her.

Seeing her daughter before her, she wanted to tell her everything. But this wasn't the right timing. How do you explain to your child, that you are the problem and not her. Feeling her phone vibrate, she looked at the screen. Only Cliff checking up on her. Releasing a breath, Winnie hugged the teen.

"I missed you so much." The grey woman cried as the red head found herself crying. Her real mother was finally here. At least she knew Winnie she didn't tell her about the wedding because she didn't want her to be hurt. But that was too late. She didn't know wheter or not…..

"I missed you too." Gwen interrupted her thought as she embraced her.

She didn't think it would be awkward to hug your own mother. But it was. It was if the girl didn't know how to react around her. And she didn't. knowing nothing about the blonde woman who favored men and work more than her. But she still grinned. At least she was here. At least she mattered somewhat…that was the child in her. The little girl who wanted to forgive her truly…but the woman in her wouldn't let her forget.

Biting her lip, Winnie grabbed her hand giving her assurance. Assurance that she would make it…and she would find joy again. Remembering the girl who grew up before her eyes, she knew she wouldn't give up on her either.

"I told you she would come dear…." The two looked at the woman who was on the phone behind them. Nothing was different after all. Sitting at the picnic tables, the two watched the blonde.

"In other words, you made her." The athlete read between the lines.

"Katie your mom does love you in her own way." The maid tried to relieve the strain.

"Just not the right kind of way." Katie knew the woman could not say anything. "I just wished she could have told me about the wedding." She finally admitted as the woman's face frowned.

"It's alright….I'm not mad at you." The athlete stated.

"But you are resentful towards her." The maid saw the girl nod.

"I just…she hasn't even brought up the wedding yet to me….she's not a shy person at all. I don't even know why she had a child if she couldn't give it the love and support it needed." Winnie nodded at the comment.

"Just wait dear….let her do it on her own pace." The maid wondered how the girl found out. She knew her mom didn't tell her. But that didn't matter now. Right now, Katie felt as if she didn't matter even more.

"In other words, she wont invite me and I will have to watch it from a camera…" the teen bit her lip.

"Lets not talk about that now….." The woman held her hand. "Tell me about your adventures here." Katie smiled at the woman. Winnie always did her best to make things better.

….

Bianca hoped Katie was alright with her mother being there. She was just grateful Serena didn't show up. But she still wondered. Did the woman look the same. Did she still have the same disapproval in her eyes for her. Or the denial in her body language for the truth. Being her made her realize that you may lie to others, but you cant lie to yourself. She had was grateful Barbara was here….holding her hand. She wished she was her real mom.

"Good to know you haven't damaged any property." The woman teased Bianca as she gently nudged her. She couldn't stay for long, but she would do her best to make Bianca know that she was loved. Clutching her purse with her other hand, Bianca noticed.

"I'm not going to steal anything from you Barb." She said bitterly as they sat down at a vacant picnic table.

"O….no Bianca…..I didn't mean to give you that notion." She touched her hand as she opened her purse…pulling out the little white box. "you know…I'm not good with emotions…I don't have any children…but I want you know that I see you as that." The officer gave the gift to her.

"Barbara…I cant accept this." The rebel saw the silver locket with her name engraved on it. Smiling gently, she wiped a tear. Never had she thought she mattered to anyone….until Katie…and now…it was to Barbara.

"This coming from the girl who had a bad case of the sticky fingers." The officer commented on the girl's growth.

"No….o my gosh…I really was that bad." The teen bit her lip. "But I am glad you sent me here. You are truly that one person who cares for me." She thought about her mother.

"And you haven't been cursing as much…good job…." She tried to raise the girl's spirit.

"I'm getting better. I like it here. It's odd how now I seem to fit in. I kind of don't want to go back…Serena may try to…." She began.

"She won't….I won't let her….But I'm not going to let you get caught up in the negative." She smiled as she handed the girl the pamphlet. "It's something that you need…"

"GED programs….it's like you have been talking to Katie….." She saw the woman's confused expression. "Katie is my roommate." She felt herself blush. "She's basically been the only thing here that keeps me thinking straight." She shrugged as she put the locket on. "Looks like I will have little time to get into any criminal activities." She looked at the necklace again.

"You wont." The officer assured.

"So now we can actually talk about the elephant in the room. Barbara I am not scared of dying…or being abused…..but the thought of her just….i cant go back to her….not now…."

"I know that. Remember. I always keep my promises." The woman noticed the girl staring at the red head at the other picnic table. The way her eyes softened. The way the blush on her cheeks spoke to her.

So this was Katie.

"She's stunning." The "mother" smiled at her "daughter's" surprised nervousness.

"Yeah…she is…..i mean…"

"It's alright Bianca…so do you think that if you two keep in touch after this…that maybe I might get to meet her?"

"What?" Binx wasn't expecting to hear that question. Not that she wasn't happy to hear it, but she didn't want to make any plans just yet.

"Never mind. Lets change the subject….." Barbara held her daughter's hand.

…

Adam smiled seeing his parents together. Seeing his father call him Adam for once. He had to be dreaming right now….because this couldn't be real. But his heart wanted to believe it. Could he. His father was actually looking him in the eyes. No disgust or disdain. Watching the man look in his cabin, he only gave a body language of approval.

As they sat in his cabin, Audra held her breath. Hopefully this would keep her son together. Hopefully, he couldn't see that this was only an act. But at least George kept up the act. He was giving his son what he really needed. Real love….unconditional love. Listening to his adventures with his roommates. The "couple" smiled at each other. Adam was finally happy.

"Luke has his moments where he can be decent….and Mike definitely is the coolest guy you have ever met." The boy kept talking as Audra touched his hair. Kissing his cheek. He didn't realize he missed them so much.

"so do they know?" George asked as his mother shot him a look. "What I mean is, have you come out during counseling sessions." He did care for his child's safety. This question wasn't an act.

And Audra hated seeing the look of fear on her son's face.

"…No….."Adam knew this was too good to be true. But then again. Maybe he was overreacting. He was doing his job as a parent. He just hated how evil and close minded people could be.

"Don't worry son…..you don't have to say anything you don't want to." The man reassured as Audra nodded as he sat beside the two of them. He had to look at the big picture here. Adam was actually coping without burning. This would have to suffice for now.

"Thanks dad. I'm just glad to see you two are getting along." Audra kissed his cheek as they embraced him.

….

Becky put her feelings aside for her brother. It was just like home. Being courteous of others. Like she was a mother…..but she wasn't a mother….and Luke needed this more than she did. Taking a deep breath, she followed her brother on the trail. She was grateful she listened to him when he told her to ware flats and bug spray. But this place seemed…magical.

Luke knew his sister, like the back of his hand. And that only made him more concerned for her. She would never tell that she was breaking. And he wanted to know…needed to know. But his heart knew what she didn't have the nerve to say.

"Go on…ask." Becky held Luke's hand as they walked. The beautiful birds.

"Ask what?" She looked at him all knowingly. At his comment. "Ok…you haven't had any bruises have you?" He showed his softer side to her.

"No….Dad only unleashes his wrath on himself." She remembered how she had to take his keys with her until she came back.

"Well that will change in a couple of months." He assured as Becky only nodded. Knowing nothing would change.

"I'm going to help him…and us….." He waited for his sister to say something as she shrugged.

"I don't want to talk about that." She said bitterly. "Just you." She placed a fake smile on her face. "but cant you just put your feelings aside to help me give him what he needs. You are getting help." She took a deep breath.

"Becky I….I don't ever know if I can forgive him for what he has done to me. I'm just now able to talk about him without getting angry. Mom should have walked out on him." He finally admitted aloud as Becky stopped in her tracks.

"I can't believe you just said that aloud. Are you serious? Maybe I shouldn't have come if it would make you say such hateful things." She attempted to walk off as he grabbed her wrist.

"Becky you are just too optimistic as usual. And that is what I love about you…but let's be realistic. Mom left because Dad only put efforts in his work and alcohol."

"That doesn't excuse her for leaving us Luke." She stammered.

"But be honest….if you cold leave you would too…it's ok to admit that Becky…..you don't have to be the rock. Its alright to hate mom and dad…..even me….all three of us are putting you through hell. I know it…I see it in your face now….how you are trying to hide the pain…..its ok to feel it….."

"But I can't do that Luke. I can't…because I don't have the energy to. I have to be there to keep you guys from falling apart…..not once has anyone taken into consideration how I feel. At least Dad gives you attention. He basically ignores me because he knows I am the good one….I'm not the good one…I'm the scared one. I'm scared that dad will leave us….in a casket or through the door."

"I know…I haven't been there to protect you mentally. I'm sorry for that. You have done so much for me….and I have done nothing." He admitted aloud. It was the first time he said those words.

"No you haven't….and mom changed her number….so she doesn't want to be found. I just hate this Luke….and I times I hate you….I'm sorry but its true." Her brother held her in his arms. She had been holding this in for time.

"I'm sorry but it's true….I hated how you made dad drink more….I just needed something too."

"shh….I know." He held her close to him. Her cries got louder.

…

Mare held her father's hand as they toured the campus. She never thought she would be happy talking about this place and the people that coincided with it…but she was. A bright smiled appeared as she told them of their many adventures and misadventures. In her peripheral vision, she noticed Mike walk near them…yet he still distanced himself. Damn her father's evil eyes. With a stature of Michael Clark Duncan, anyone would be scared. And the way he was holding her hand, he wouldn't let her out of his sight for one minute.

"So Mike….umm…I'm sorry your parents couldn't….." Paula began as he understood where Mare got her kind spirit from.

"It's alright….." He walked with them as he saw the longing the model's eyes for him….no…he was just kidding himself. "Umm….Mare is definitely someone special." He saw her blush. "She is helping me to….."

"what he means to say is that we are both helping each other….I realized here I had a great fear of heights." She bit her lip as they looked at the repelling tower. "But Mike rescued me from that…..he volunteered first." She noticed the boy blush.

"O did he." The woman looked at the handsome boy. It was good Marisol was understanding that a relationship didn't have to be fast paced. You had to become friends first.

"I wouldn't say that…..everything I have been through…nothing kind of scares me." He shrugged under the man's unnerving eyes. Why did he have to say that. It was just something more he had to tell about himself.

"So you must have been through a lot then?" The man asked as the mother and daughter looked at him.

O gosh….here it comes.

"Mike…you don't have to answer…" Paula began as the young man shook his head.

"No…it's cool…..I'm an ex-criminal." He shrugged as the man noticed his hard demeanor. "Never mind." He walked away from the man's hard stare, he had to get away from this. So much for giving people a chance. Just because Mare was one way didn't mean her father was the same.

"Dad…how could you? Without Mike I honestly wouldn't be better." She ran off to him as Paula rolled her eyes at the man.

"Mike….Mike…."She called his name as he ignored her.

"I knew this would happen." He felt her grab his hand. "But I can't blame him for protecting you from me. Just go back…..pretend that I don't….."

"no…stop…he had no right." She looked in his eyes.

"Marisol. He had every right. Do you really want to be associated with an ex gang member who can't read. A guy who just got passed along in school because teachers didn't care. Because my parents gave up on me…just give up on me too." He raised his voice.

She was tired of having this conversation with him….damn him….he was so scared he couldn't see straight.

"But I won't give up on you. You have to believe….."She gripped his arms to make him listen to her. Staring in his eyes, she had to get him to see. But he avoided them. And no matter how loud his voice got, she talked to him softly….nurturing….

"Wait till next week." He felt her soft hand on his face.

"You are the most stubborn person I know. Why can't you see….you know what your problem is…" Mare said calmly.

"What's my problem…." He waited.

"You're scared." She announced.

"I'm not scared of anything." He shut her down.

"Liar because for some reason you are scared of me…."

"Now who's narcissistic? Mare you get on my nerves…do you know that? Since the first day I met you…from you prissy ways…to the way you talk…..you just…..just go away." He attempted to walk away from her as she followed him. No way was he going anywhere.

"See that is what I mean….every time we talk about your emotions you run away….why can't you talk to me…."

"Shut up Marisol." He said loudly. Regretting the words as they left his mouth. He didn't mean it.

"Don't tell me to shut up." She made him face her again. "Why because it's the truth…."

"Just stop." He looked in her eyes. Her beauty taking his mind to a dream he wanted to live. He wanted to be near her so badly. Her lips…he had to…

"Make me." She said as she felt his lips on hers. He knew the feel of her lips wouldn't last once she realized what she was doing. But he couldn't help himself. Right now, the numbing sensation of their lips moving together made him feel safe. He didn't want to run away anymore.

Finally, this was happening to her. A guy who liked her for herself. Who wasn't self-seeking. Who wasn't forcing her to do this. Feeling his tongue beg for entrance she allowed them both pleasure. Moaning into his touch, she prayed her parents weren't looking for her now.

"Mike….what was that." She took in what just happened as she placed her hands on his chest. His eyes still closed. Did they both feel the same thing? Couldn't be. Girls like her…didn't like boys like him.

"I…I…just…I'm sorry…." He began to back away.

"No…..no…." she grabbed hold to him. "I wanted it….just as much as you did." She leaned into him once again. This time, he gave into her without the argument.

….

Katie knew Winnie's need to rest in her cabin was just a cop out. There was no other way of forcing them together that would make this anymore easier. Both were trying to avoid the awkwardness of being around each other. This shouldn't be the way a mother and daughter should be. She didn't know why she wished she came after all. This was just proving her point over and over again.

The way she was pretending as if she didn't know the real reason why her mother was here. It wasn't for her…..it was for her fiancé. And she bit her tongue to keep from crying. To keep from telling the truth.

"That is a beautiful scarf Katie." The woman attempted to touch it as the girl backed away.

"Yeah." She touched it. She would not let this woman taint this like she did her. She would not let her tarnish Bianca's memory. This was just another way to not look at her scars or ask about her state of mind.

Gwen knew she couldn't keep this any longer. And her daughter had the right to know about her life. And no it wasn't fair…but she had to speak up….she had to say something.

"…..Katie….I came because I have something to tell you….." The blonde started sweetly.

"What…." The girl was on the verge of running away. Should she just blurt it out herself? What would she do when she heard the secret she already knew?

"I'm getting married…." The woman watched her daughter's face become chillingly stoic. No emotion in her eyes. Only seeing the child grip the wood table, she bit her lip.

"Say something." She waited for a response.

Did she really think that she would react remotely happy for the surrogate?

"What do you want me to say…we barely talk…even have a connection." Beginning as Katie's emotions began to release. "As a matter of fact the only thing that makes you my mom is the fact that your name is on my birth certificate….." The red head stood up seeing the shock on her mother's face.

"I want you be apart of this…that's why I told you. Don't you want a perfect family?" Gwen tried to calm the girl as others looked at the display.

"I don't know what I want when it comes to you…I really don't…you just told me this and not expected for me to explode….you want me to share you with a guy I know nothing of….." the teen released the breath she didn't know she was holding.

"Katie just listen…please….." trying to grab her daughter's hand as the athlete pulled back.

"No….you listen…you neglect me….and because of that I cut….but I never complained because deep down all I ever wanted was for you to notice me…and you never have…you avoid the conversation because you know I am a reminder of your mistakes….you should have stayed home….." Gwen felt the tears in her eyes.

"No I wont. I have been waiting to tell you that for so long….i thought I was the problem…..you are doing this for yourself. Just admit it…you don't want that man to know how bad of a mother you are….." Katie ran towards the cabin as Gwen sat down slowly. She deserved this.

….

Adam could only smile as his father continued to talk to him. Not talk at him…but talk to him. Asking him about the camp….the workers….everything. he didn't sense hate in his voice or in his heart.

"In my group….we have all grown close. Like brother and sister…I like it…I really do….thanks Dad…" He genuinely hugged the man who hugged back.

Audra wiped the lone tear as she touched her son's back. She was always waiting for this moment.

Luke held his twin's hand as walked. The things he put her through. He mentally scared her. This was all his fault. He would make this up to her someway. Looking at her, he saw her eyes on the landscape before them. Parents still gathered around their children. She wished they were them.

"I'm sorry about that explosion earlier. I don't want to play the blame game in this. We are all the same." She bit her lip.

"We are." Luke assured her. "But I need to act like a brother to you." Looking as he saw Adam and his parents by their cabin. Finding her blush at the sight of the quiet boy. She was shocked to see the three of them welcome them into their conversation.

"Luke and Becky…..Adam tells me you are the inseparable twins." Audra smiled at their connection. She also noticed how her son was looking shyly at Becky. "Its nice to see that these days." She saw the way George nodded. Trying to ignore the stares the beautiful twin was giving Gracie.

"So let me guess….as the brother you are the protective one." George asked as Adam looked at the beautiful girl….Audra continued to talk to him with her eyes. Warning him to not intervene. To not be himself.

"from now on I am." Luke stated firmly. He was expecting to see someone different than what Adam described. This man seemed nothing like an over-judgmental, pretentious man. But then again, he wasn't Adam's son. And looks were always deceiving.

Audra noticed her ex-husband posture. He was uncomfortable of the two non-verbally flirting. She only hoped he could hold on for little bit longer. At least until they got by themselves.

"Good to hear. This place seems to be making an impact on everyone's lives….." George couldn't ignore the way Adam was looking at the girl. This wasn't right….this wasn't natural.

"Umm…..Adam." He ignored Audra's eyes. "Can you bring me my sunglasses from the car." The boy looked odd when he was given the keys.

"Umm…sure….." Adam said oddly. Since when did his dad wear glasses? Never…he never wore glasses…..and he made a sigh of defeat. And his heart began to break loudly. Nothing had changed at all. This was just an illusion his parents wanted him to see. His father wasn't different.

His father wasn't different.

And he didn't love him for who he was.

Why couldn't this place help the families of the people who were here? Why did his father put on a façade for him to see?

…..

The rebel waved as her real mother drove off. She was grateful to spend two hours with her. And she wiped the lone tear from her eye. She felt so broken at times. Like she had no lifeline. She knew she had one with Barbara. But could she trust her feelings for the red head enough to depend on her. The answer was no. How could she have what she wanted and needed and still not be assured of it. Biting her lip, she wiped her tears as she walked in the cabin….seeing the grey woman sitting on Katie's bed.

"Hello…" The woman looked at the beautiful young girl.

"You must be Winnie." The rebel shook her hand as she tried to avoid her eyes. She knew her eyes were red.

"Don't worry…." The woman read her expression. "You will see your family before you know it."

"No…I won't." Bianca bit her lip as she walked out the cabin. She didn't want to break so easily. But she couldn't help it. Why couldn't life be so simple?

Sitting behind her cabin, like the first night she met Katie. Looking up she saw the red head standing over her. God did have a sense of humor. The girl of her dreams was here too.

"is it bad that I didn't want Barbara to leave me….everyone leaves me…." She looked up as the girl sat beside her.

"No…..not me Bianca." She rested her head on the rebel's shoulder. "My mom invited me to the wedding after all…..but I don't think I am going. For once…I need to do something for me and not for her." She simply said. "I never thought the moment would come where I wouldn't want to cut….and it has….." She shrugged.

"I know what you mean."

"I hope the guy that she marries is ready to have her as a wife….maybe she could give him happiness that she never gave me." Katie shrugged.

"Do you really mean that? It sounds like you are done with her."

"I am….this feeling of helplessness needs to go away. I've hated her….and myself ….I just can't let her get me like this." The smell of Bianca's lotion soothed her nerves.

"Me either…I wont' let my mom take what I have built for myself…or anyone else for that matter." The rebel looked at the jock. "Katie…I'm not as strong as I thought I was. I used to take beatings everyday and be able to block out the pain….but now…I can't."

"Bianca you aren't weak. You are strong enough to be weak. There is a difference."

"You are so full of shit." The two laughed.

"No….listen…you aren't afraid of being vulnerable anymore….. you aren't afraid to feel anymore." Katie observed.

"I should because I am at rock bottom. I have nothing to bring me back up. Nothing."

"You have me…..you have me." Katie kissed her as their tongues danced together.

…

Looking at the road map, no one was going to keep her away from her daughter. She was determined now more than ever to do the right thing. She didn't care if she was too late in time's eyes….she needed to be there. Why did her GPS stop working all of a sudden? Placing her curly locks in a ponytail, Serena turned on the ignition to her car. She would get her daughter back. If it was the last thing she would ever do.


	11. Monster

Monster

Chapter 11

Paramore

...

Mike never thought he would be the man to enjoy this. To enjoy the soft touch of girl. To enjoy just the emotional connection to one….rather than just the physical. But this was true. And this was only because of Marisol. Testing their tongues together, he held onto her neck as he felt her take hold of his waist. Both not wanting to let go….and though he was happy…he still felt the void.

The void of his parents not there with him. Never did he ever expect that to be true. But it was. And as much as he wished Jordan were here. He would settle with what he could get. Though he did wonder what if Jordan came to visit him? What he have said? Probably that he was some sell out. But it wasn't like that. And he hated himself even more.

"What's wrong?" Mare pulled away from him as he saddened. "I'm sorry they didn't come." She bit her lip as she read his mind. She knew their feelings couldn't erase the fact but at least he knew he wasn't alone. Hugging him, she looked into his eyes.

"I guess…." He tried to shake it off. Just go back to your parents. I don't want to take you away from them." He said with concern as he kissed her.

Mare didn't want to leave him, but he was so sure of himself that she reluctantly nodded.

"I will have you all to myself tomorrow." He kissed her forehead.

Camille held the bag in her hand as she walked up the stairs. She knew they were a little late. But better late than never. And at least they came. At least Michael was trying to start anew. At least Mike was staying out of trouble. So she hoped. Knocking on the door, no one was there. This was the cabin on the map…but the lights were off. Looking at her husband, he did nothing but sat down and waited.

"He will be here dear…..he will." He grabbed her hand as they sat down together.

Mike let the tears fall down. He missed them. He really did. And today was a slap in the face for all the shit he had put them through. Looking at the scars on his knuckles…he thought of all the fights he had been in to help Jordan. He thought of all the medical bills they had to pay for him. Damn it!

Wiping his eyes with his jacket sleeve, he came closer to his cabin. Seeing two bodies on the steps. But they weren't for Luke or Adam. They must have been just lost….and his heart didn't want to get hurt again. Yes they were just two lost….

His face dropped as he saw his parents waiting for him. Smiles on their faces as him. Wiping his tears, they ran to him as he embraced them. They came.

They actually came for him. And he couldn't help but to hold them tighter. Smelling his mother's perfume, he cried harder as she kissed his forehead.

"We missed you son." His father's words touched him. The man that he grew to hate only made him grip him harder. He finally began to see the purpose of his father's ways. It was to teach him…make him stronger. But right now, he would be strong enough to be weak. He would be a child for once.

Camille and Michael looked at each other with relief as they felt their son hold onto them for dear life. He finally realized that this wasn't a game anymore. And they saw so much change in him so far that words could not describe. Taking deep breaths, the three embraced each other. And for now…..Mike couldn't have been any happier.

…..

Real men didn't cry. At all. But no matter how many times he repeated the mantra in in his head, he couldn't block out what his father just did to him. How he separated him from the others. His father was the one who claimed God never made mistakes. So why couldn't he believe that with him. God wanted him to be this way. He wasn't a stain…or an abomination.

He was just so sick of trying to answer for himself. Having to prove himself to others. Taking a deep breath, his legs got heavier as he bypassed his father's car. He didn't want his sunglasses either. He honestly didn't want him to be his son. He thought he was passed this phase. He thought he was passed wishing he could be normal. But there was never a definite definition for the term. Taking in the pine scent on the air, why couldn't he just never leave here? Why couldn't time just stop for him only? Shutting his eyes, he let the tears stain his face.

Right now….he was so tired. Tired to breathe. Tired to move on.

…..

Katie didn't care about anything but the girl whose lips she couldn't get enough of. Biting the rebel's bottom's lip, she had to show her. She had to let her know that she was there. And nothing else mattered as their lips moved together. Pushing her against the wall, she felt the brunette shove her tongue in her mouth. She didn't mind one bit. She didn't mind Bianca holding onto her…..with her back against the wall….running her fingers through her curls.

Bianca decided to show some dominance as she placed Katie against the wall. Never had a choice given her so much freedom and happiness. With every touch and moan, Bianca felt more alive. Never had this happen to her. Her moans were so addictive. And she couldn't help herself. She just had to touch her. And where they were at had no meaning in her mind as she tried to take her shirt off.

"No…no…Bianca." Katie took her breath as she saw her affection's eyes water.

She did it again. She was pushing too hard. And Katie was becoming scared. Scared like how she was when she was little. It was like she was the monster.

"Bianca calm down….it's alright….its ok." The red head saw the worry on her face as the rebel shook her head.

"It's not what you think…I am not pushing you back to reject you….I am pushing you off because I care for you so much."

"I don't get it?" Her mind wasn't used to this. She wasn't used to being denied or rejected.

"I just…you have been so abused….that sex is a second nature to you. I won't use you like that…..I cant…..I will care for you…..even if you don't see why yourself."

"Katie I don't know what to say." She bit her lip as she looked into the girl's eyes. Both of them resting their heads against each other. Taking in the moment.

Gwen hung her phone up as she saw Winnie resting on Katie's bed. Kissing the woman on the forehead, she covered her with the blanket as she searched for her daughter. So much she said that came out wrong. And she was wrong. In so many ways. To think she could force Cliff on her daughter like that. And no matter how much she knew was wrong, she remained doing it. Putting her daughter second…..

"Katie?" The blonde saw the two girls come from behind the cabin with their hands laced. She didn't know what to say to her daughter. And no matter what she said, she had no right. Folding her lips, she noticed her daughter's expression. The blush on both of their cheeks.

Bianca looked at the woman before her. The nervousness she gave off. She didn't even know how to address her daughter. No wonder why the athlete had so much resentment towards her. But Katie didn't change, she only gripped her hand tighter.

"O…ummmm…Gwen….ummm…..this is Bianca." Katie saw the woman's face. The blonde hated to hear her name being said like that. Like she didn't care. Even though she did. Even though her actions said otherwise.

"….I didn't know you were lesbian." Gwen said frankly. Not expecting the sight of the beautiful teens together.

"Of course you wouldn't…..Winnie does though…." The athlete pulled the other with her. Trying to escape. Trying to keep her to herself.

"Katie….please just talk to me." The mother followed them as Bianca tried to get Katie to listen to her.

"I have nothing else to say…and please don't be offended because you don't deserve to know anything besides my name….lets not choose this time to act like a perfect mother." Katie said loudly knowing the woman could hear her.

"Im not acting like any….." The blonde almost caught up.

"Save it…." Katie could only pull Bianca with her.

….

The quiet boy walked on the trail in the woods. It was crazy that he wanted a normal life when he couldn't have one. To be with a girl. To never have to explain himself below the belt. Laughing cynically, he admired the luscious green trees…and the birds flying in the sky. True freedom. Closing his eyes, he wondered what a girl like Becky would be like? And what would she be like if she knew the truth about him. Biting his lip, he remembered the cute blush on her face as they introduced themselves. And then, his father had to ruin everything. He had to make him think about his flaws.

One thing this place taught him was that he can never run away. But he didn't want to run away, he just wanted to change his father. He wanted to push the man off the cliff. And oddly now, he was seeing the man in his own features more and more. Seeing other teens travel with their parents, everyone was happy. Except him….but he couldn't have his parents worry about him. If they even noticed he was gone for 30 minutes. Probably not. His father was probably talking to Luke. He always wanted a son….a "real" son. Preparing himself for his father's comments he headed to the cabin.

….

Audra placed her hand on her head as she paced back and forth. Staring daggers at her ex husband, he avoided her glare. Standing outside their son's cabin, the woman held herself as she unleashed her anger. Adam wasn't naïve. He knew his father. But she was. To think that he could actually drop his defenses for one day. To actually put his child before anything else.

George couldn't help how he felt. He was entitled to have his principles and beliefs. And he couldn't change them for anyone. Seeing his daughter around the others…..how they accepted him. But they accepted him because they didn't know. He didn't just not want this lifestyle for his daughter because of his beliefs. He didn't want his child to end up dead. He worried for her everyday because of her choice to live this way, Why couldn't he make his ex-wife see this?

He didn't want any harm to come to her. Though he never said it, it was true. And he knew Audra would never believe his words.

"I can't believe you did that…." She shook her head in disapproval. Both not knowing Adam was walking from behind the cabin. Listening to his parents talk, he remained hidden. At least Becky and Luke weren't there. It is not as if Becky would have accepted him anyway. She would just be like the other girls at his old school. Treating him as if he had the bubonic plague. Cursing his existence. In a cruel way, his father was saving him. Breathing slowly, he listened…..

"I don't want to hear it….." He cut her off as he rubbed his hand in his hair. This was the right thing to do. Audra just always had to be right all the time.

"You said it would be a good day today. You couldn't at least pretend to get along with me…to at least accept his lifestyle." The woman pleaded as the quiet boy's eyes shattered. He knew it was an act….but to hear it from their mouths only cut his heart.

"….And give him false hope….I tried." George was grateful families were not around. But he could not control his voice as it got louder and louder.

"No you didn't. Not at all. What was so wrong with him and that girl? What was so wrong for letting your son know that someone could take interest in him? There is nothing wrong with him. Nothing." Adam heard his mother take his side.

"Yes there is….and the minute you know that things will get better….Becky didn't know that they are both girls." The man pleaded as their son slid down the cabin wall. Hitting the ground hard. Placing his hands on his head. Raising his sleeves….looking at his scars. They were not done in vein. And he needed to release his anger and disappointment in the world.

"You mean…better for you. It is always about you. When something does not go your way…..you try to fix it and when you can't…you drop it. I am so happy I divorced your judgmental ass. When did we turn into this…weren't we happy at first?"

"O don't go turning this into my fault again. You were upset when Adam came out too. You just hid it well. You didn't want this life for him either." George bellowed. Not knowing that Mike and his family could hear him in the cabin. And all three of their faces mirrored each other.

His roommate was really a girl. A girl. But…no….he just couldn't believe it. And the more he tried to give them privacy, the more they listened.

"It was for the right reason though." Audra pleaded. "I don't want anyone to make him doubt himself…hate himself…..he doesn't need that …especially not from you….go on…..admit it…..you were never really happy." Her voice became hoarse.

"There was a time…..Yeah….we were until…." He stopped talking. Looking her dead in the eyes. Not seeing Adam clutch himself.

"Until what?" The woman saw him take a deep breath. "Go on…say it…..I know what you are thinking."

"….Until Gracie decided to change." The man stated.

And then Adam's world shattered. He should have known. Everything was his fault…..and he could hear nothing. Only feel his body stand up. He was no good to anyone. And he had no real purpose for being on this earth. And he knew Mike and Luke….or anyone could accept him. And his mind became dizzy.

He could see nothing.

His mind became blank. A dark abyss of emotions. He would never be wanted.

Everything.

Everything was lie. This place. His friends. His family.

And the then the gripping of his heart ceased his breathing as he fell back down to his knees. He was a hindrance. A nuisance. Only a distraction. And he did not have the strength to get up.

"So it's your child's fault our marriage crumbled in your eyes. You bastard….he doesn't need to change…you do…you don't even love him." Audra couldn't believe he finally admitted it. And then she thought she heard a soft whimper. It was probably one of the teens playing.

"Of course I love Gracie…with all my heart….but it's hard to…." The two heard the soft whimper from around the cabin. There it was again. Turning around, it was her worst nightmare.

O my God….

Adam.

On the ground.

Trying to find the strength to get up.

"Adam…." His mother attempted to approach him as his legs gained a mind of their own.

Backing away from them. Panic in his eyes. Looking at his father's dark eyes. Trying to search for some kind of remorse for his words. But there was none. He loved his beliefs more than his son.

"Don't come any closer…" His voice said with anguish.

And he ran off. His feet becoming heavier and heavier. His heart becoming heavier and heavier.

George didn't mean for her to hear it. He didn't mean for this to happen. All he wanted was for her to come to her senses. And he saw the tears in his eyes form.

No….

"Hold your tears." Audra looked at the man as she ran behind her son. She was going to make this right for him.

…

Mike and his parents tried to ignore what they just heard. The conversation was not meant for them to hear. But they couldn't help it. And Mike couldn't help but show his confusion at the revelation. But nevertheless, he would save that for another occasion. Right now, he would focus on the good in his life right now.

"At least you guys know that I am not the only kid here with problems." He let out an uncomfortable laugh.

"It does a great deal knowing that you aren't alone in this world." Camille sat beside him as she rested his head on her shoulder. "My baby boy has finally grown up." She said sadly.

"No I haven't." he stated. "Because if I did, I still wouldn't be worried so much about Jordan." He noticed their changed expression.

They just couldn't tell him. Not here.

Not now.

"I know what you are thinking….but it is not like that." He misinterpreted their actions. "I don't want to be a part of that anymore. If anything. I want to help Jordan. I want him to see that I can help him. I hate myself that I let him down some way."

"You didn't son." His father assured.

"You sound like my friend Marisol. Mom she is just like you. She tells me what I need to hear when I don't want to hear it." He blushed at the confession.

"So why is she here?"

"Drug use and eating disorder…but unlike myself. She had drive the minute she came here to overcome it. She is so brave and she doesn't even know it." His voice bellowed as he felt the blush on his cheek.

"Well then, we have to invite her over here for some food." She smiled as she gave him a plate….handing the bag to her husband to place in their little refrigerator.

"I made enough for all of you to share." She stated as Michael sat beside his son as he smiled.

"I know you think I hate you son…." He began.

"I know you don't." Mike finished. "I have been the one making so many excuses for myself. My loyalty to Jordan. Grandpa dying. I know Grandpa wouldn't want this for me. I just wanted to forget about him. I just wanted to find an outlet for myself. And I hated you for wanting me to do the right thing. I was my own enemy." The boy shrugged.

"I didn't make it easier for you though." The man said as Camille looked at her two boys. Getting along. Strong in so many ways.

"No…you did the right thing. You kept fighting in a different way. And I can't take back what I did. All I can promise is that I wont do it again." Mike continued to eat his food as his father looked in his eyes. He hoped he saw the truth. He hoped Jordan would see the truth. He would be the first stop he would make when he came back to town.

And he hoped Adam and his parents would find their way too.

….

Gwen once again pushed her daughter away. She didn't mean to do it. She never did. She just wasn't an emotional person. But that wasn't an excuse. Because she could be towards men but not to her own daughter. Her own flesh and blood. Seeing Katie pull the girl away from her, she knew she should have left. But she couldn't. She wanted to attempt to give her daughter some assurance that she loved her. Being here was the first step. Yet, she stayed on the phone most of the time. She was terrible. Walking past all the people, she did her best to keep up to the two girls….but the mother and daughter never really shared a memory…..

_**The lawyer looked at the picture frame of her beautiful daughter. Red hair and small eyes. Just like her when she was her age. She was everything a mother could have ever wanted. Taking a deep breath, she knew she displayed her discomfort when others talked of her children. All the little things they shared. All the dinners they had together. Not her. All she could talk about was her daughter's awards. All her goals. Nothing else. Sitting down in her chair, she hoped this would compensate for everything she did to her daughter. But she knew it wouldn't. buying her the best…giving her the best trainers didn't make up for love. She knew this. She put her child through the same things her own mother did.**_

_**She promised herself that she would break the cycle. But she couldn't. Placing the frame on the desk face down, she shook her head as she heard the phone ring.**_

_**Winnie waited for the woman to pick up. How could anyone tell a mother this? And though she knew Gwen was hardly there, she knew the woman did care for her child. And she loved her with all her heart. Just like herself. Looking at the girl lay down in the bed….she kissed her forehead…waiting for a response.**_

_**Damn it Gwen.**_

"_**Hel…" She couldn't get the words out as her maid cut her off. Relief crashing over her.**_

" _**You have to come…you have to come right now…Katie….Katie…..." The maid didn't realize she was saying the same thing over and over again. **_

_**Gwen's world exploded at the sound of Winnie's panic. What happened to her daughter? She needed to be there. Now.**_

"_**Calm down Winnie….tell me….." She lowered her voice to ease the woman. Trying to keep her own spirits up.**_

"_**Katie….she….she…I can't even say it." The maid looked at the girl who rested.**_

"_**Just tell me please…." Worry showed in her own voice.**_

"…_**..Katie tried to commit suicide today….i found her just in time…"**_

_**Winnie didn't say anything. She hoped this got into the woman's head. Katie needed her. Badly.**_

"_**Why would she try to….." The mother felt her heart drop….shatter. "I thought she was….." Her voice suddenly stopped.**_

"_**Just please come to the hospital." The maid didn't feel like putting her failures in her face. This wasn't the right time now.**_

"_**Ok…ok…I am on my way." She gathered her belongings as she left.**_

That day always lingered in her mind. The smells of the room. Her daughter's incoherent eyes. The lack of color in her cheeks…..

"Katie…" She didn't let the girl's stubbornness stop her. She would follow her to the depths of the world to get her to talk to her once again.

….

Serena touched her daughter's bed sheets. Her hand over her mouth as she tried to control herself. But she was breaking. If that man. Her boyfriend. The man she let take her daughter away. The man she put over everything including her daughter. Everything was being pressed into her mind all at once. And she still had not seen her daughter yet.

What would the girl do when she saw her here? Would she run away? Would she hit her? Would she yell at her? It didn't matter. Just as long as she saw her face. She would burn in hell until the end of time for what she did. But she had to be here. Her daughter had to know she knew the severity of her actions. Her daughter had to know that she was did nothing wrong. Not that Bianca didn't know that already.

Looking at the bed beside her, she noticed a grey woman lay down. Taking a nap., She already knew their child was adored by the woman's face. Unlike her child. The child she envied. The child she blamed for life being the way that it was.

Winnie opened her eyes as she heard the woman cry. Grabbing a tissue, she offered it to the woman who kindly excepted. Bianca's mother she assumed. She had noticed the resemblance between the two. Katie had the habit of stealing glances at the teen earlier today. And Winnie agreed with her "child," Bianca was beautiful without a doubt. That only meant her life was pure hell. And seeing the hurt in this woman's eyes let her know that she was the real reason.

"I am sure everything will work itself out." The grey woman tried to make her smile.

"No….it won't…..I shouldn't have even come today…." The mother sniffled. "My child hates me for what I have done."

"Well as long as there is today and tomorrow, there is always a fighting chance." The maid realized she was being hypocritical as she spoke. She was giving the benefit of the doubt to a complete stranger…but charged Gwen with the highest crime.

"You wouldn't being so kind if you knew what I did to Bianca…no one would…and I will pay my debt one day. She can't forgive me….and neither can i." She shrugged as the grey woman let her alone.

At times she wished Barbara was her real mother. Because she was a strong woman who loved and cared. With all of her heart. Unlike her…

_**Pouring her daughter some cereal, she watched the girl stare at her breakfast. Her eyes cold. Her hands gripping the spoon tightly in her hand. The transformation from her loving carefree ways into a callous child could not go unnoticed by anyone. Sitting across from her daughter at the table, she saw her child give her murderous eyes. **_

"_**You need to eat Binx." She commanded as the child shook her head. Now she wanted to look after her. Protect her. Where was she last night? Where would she be tonight?**_

_**Gripping her spoon tightly in her hand, she bit her lip to keep from screaming. She was no longer Binx. That man took that from her. And her mother knew. His loud moans could be heard from her bedroom. The way she fought back every time. But he was stronger than her. And she had to give in.**_

"_**I am not hungry…..Serena." The child hesitantly. Seeing the spark of bitterness glow in her mother's eyes as her choice of words.**_

_**Serena noticed the disdainment laced in her daughter's voice. Showing her the same emotion, the woman only ignored the comment as she continued to eat.**_

_**Her mother's actions only upset her more. Feeling her pulse quicken…and eyes grow black, she stood up.**_

_**Throwing the bowl across the kitchen. Wishing it spilled over the woman. Hearing the bowl hit the ground. Seeing her mother disturbed look.**_

"_**Are you crazy?" Serena's voice rose as Bianca didn't care. She didn't care about anything anymore. She was alone. And outcast at school. And no one cared for her. "Pick it up."**_

"_**No….you pick it up….for once you be a mother…" The girl saw her mother approach her slowly. She knew what was next and she was preparing herself for it. It didn't matter if she hit her. She could feel nothing anymore.**_

"_**What did you say?" **_

"_**You heard me…..you know what that man did to me….what he is doing to me…." The child ran to her room as she shut her door. She had no lock. And as she slid down her door, she prepared herself for tonight.**_

_**Tonight her mother would not be here. She would be at work….but…..she would not be here either…**_

That was the last time she saw her daughter. The agony she felt when she opened the door to not see her there. She felt the knife drive through her heart again and again. But today. She would make this right for her at least. She would wait for her here.

….

Katie pulled her affection with her. Away from mother. Away from the woman who felt obligated to come. Obligated to invite her to her wedding. Obligated to love her. And it hurt like hell to know that God gave her a good kid and she didn't want her. Forgetting about her tears, she kept walking. But she didn't notice Bianca look at her crying.

The rebel understood what was going on in her mind. But she had to get the girl to listen to her. She had to get Katie to understand that she should at least listen to what the woman had to say.

"I know what you are going to say and I will not." Katie noticed the girl slow down her pace. "I thought you cared about me….I can't do this. I can't talk to her."

"Katie…you know I care about you. More than anything." The badass rested her hands on her shoulder. "But don't you want closure?" She pleaded as the athlete shrugged.

"I just want to get away from her. Erase her from my memory. But I know that can't happen." The girl saw her mother getting close to them.

"I am not saying that you should forgive her. I just want you to have closure. You should walk away….there is a difference between that and running away." Bianca knew she was hanging out with the girl more and more. She was getting more philosophical by the minute.

"Bianca….I…she….." Katei knew she was right as she eventually nodded.

"I will be back in the cabin….just yell…but you can do this." The two girls kissed as Bianca gave Gwen a nod of acknowledgement.

"Thanks for letting me caught up to you." The blonde looked at her unsettled child.

"Don't thank me…..it was all because of Bianca…." The teen folded her arms.

"Well then I owe her…"

"Don't count on it. I will not let you take advantage of her kindness like you did me."

"Katie….I want the wedding to be a new start for us…." The mother hoped her daughter was listening. She really wanted this.

"Bull…"

"I am not good with emotion. I never have been. And I am not going to let that be an excuse for how I treated you….but I do love you."

"You have a funny way of showing it."

"I deserve that but…."

"No….for once, I will get the last word in. you casted me off to Winnie. Who has shown me so much love than you ever could. You abandon me. Ignore me. And then you show up here out of no where. Something is wrong you…..do you think that the world revolves around you or something? All I wanted was for you to be there. And when I started cutting…you still weren't there. You showed up to the hospital for one day….I can't keep doing this mom. I can't keep allowing you to show up…wreck havoc and then leave. Make your choice now. Do you want to be my mother or do you want to leave and never come back…..you know what ….I will just make the decision for you." She left the woman behind.

…

Bianca hoped Katie would take advantage of the moment. She would stand by her despite her choice. She wished Katie know how strong she was. She wished she could tell her how much stronger she felt when she was with her. So many emotions she had for the athlete. The athlete who always knew what to say to make her day. Walking up the steps, she paused.

Her eyes were deceiving her.

They had too.

This had to be some nightmare.

The woman she ran away from. Was laying on her bed. Swallowing the lump in her throat, her heart paused. And her fists formed. Biting her lip to stop the tears from falling…..her pulse quickened. And memories flashed before her eyes.

Serena.

The woman who handed her on a silver platter to her boyfriend. Just to keep him. So she could keep money in her pocket.

The woman sat up as she looked at her beautiful daughter. No words could be expressed. All she could feel was the dark cloud settling between them. The girl who every right to hit her. And she was waiting for her to. Looking at the teen approach her slowly, she did her best to be calm. To wait. Standing up, she walked towards the girl.

"What are you doing here?" Bianca asked as the woman. Her voice threatening her monster.

"I needed to see you…I have been looking…." The mother saw the demons in her daughter's eyes.

"I know…Barbara told me…..she also told you that I wanted nothing to do with you…." The teen summoned her strength to talk. To prove to the woman that she did not break her.

"I know that…I do….I…" Serena ran out of words. She wanted to hug her daughter. She wanted so much so soon.

"Don't you dare apologize…..it is too late for that. You can't just apologize for giving your daughter to your boyfriend every night. You made me feel lifeless….dirty…..helpless every night…and then you come here…you didn't try to find me after I ran away…" This woman made her lose the ability to form a coherent sentence. And right now, her past and present was colliding. Keeping distance between the two, she could only look at the woman…seeing the mirror reflection. Would she become this woman?

No way in hell.

"I hated myself…" The wreckless woman began.

"And you should. You should rot in your grave for what you did to me…..just when my life gets good, you remind me that I can never be happy. And you make me feel like shit all over again. Why do you hate me so much? Why can't you just disappear…you didn't want me in the first place. So why are you here…you aren't here for the right reasons…."She saw the woman try to close the gap between them.

"I wanted to see you…." The woman cried. Knowing this would not make the situation any better.

"No…you wanted to make yourself feel better. I don't need you to survive. " Bianca defended herself.

"But I need you. To be my daughter. I miss you…I need you to know that I could never forgive myself for giving you to him. I have changed. I didn't come for you because I didn't want to admit it to myself. I am a terrible mother….and person…and I deserve to die."

"Then why don't you? I want you to die. And I mean it. I hate you." Her teeth clenched at the revelation. Feeling her head begin to hurt from the panic and stress.

Katie heard the screams from her cabin as she ran towards it…and she saw the sight. The mother and daughter glaring at each other. One with hate. The other with disappointment, shock, and wanted redemption. But she knew it would not come to the unruly woman. Both with tears in their eyes. Wait. This was Bianca's mother. She was just like Bianca described her. The resemblance was uncanny. But she had to protect the girl with her will.

"Bianca….." Katie grabbed her hand as the teen stared the woman down. Not knowing how to react to the situation. And Bianca hated what she was doing to the jock. Katie always protected her. It was her time to protect her. Her eyes threatening the woman, she said nothing. Only moved out of Serena's way as she pointed to the door. She had no fight in her anymore.

"Don't…worry…..she was just leaving." Bianca moved Katie behind her as the mother looked at the two girls. Together. Putting her head down, she wiped her tears…..gathered her emotions….and left.

Walking slowly, she knew she would get her daughter back. Somehow.

"I hate that you saw that Katie." Bianca felt the girl hug her.

"I hate what she put you through." Katie rubbed her head. This wouldn't take it away, but hopefully, her presence would make it easier.

…

Audra wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone. The loss of a child. Her child. And all she could hold onto was faith. Faith that Adam was just hiding. And that he would return back to his arms. Watching her ex husband go get Ellie, she hated him. For everything he did to her son. She didn't know why she didn't shield him from the man. Maybe she thought he would change. But he didn't. And now they were racing against the clock. Seeing the twins stand by her side, they helped her inside the cabin. Sitting her on the bed, her scared eyes grabbed everyone's attention.

"You guys didn't find Adam yet?" Mike answered his own question recalling what he had heard earlier. He wondered if Luke and Becky knew what he and his parents knew. Everyone's expression mirroring one another.

"No…..we searched the woods….we searched everywhere. We thought we would be able to find him by now." Audra looked at the sun going down a little bit.

"Well…" Mike grabbed his lantern as his parents watched his bravery. "I'll help." He shrugged as the scared mother shook her head.

"No this isn't your burden dear…" Audra looked at the teens.

"Adam's our friend Ms. Torres." Luke stated. "We want to help." The twin could only hate the boy's father even more. He was blessed with the perfect son. A son who had manners and who didn't back talk. And that was how he was treated. He was glad the father was suffering. Suffering like them all.

"Did you guys check the cafeteria?" Mike was attempting to cover all bases. So caught up in his thoughts he didn't see his parents notice his courage and selflessness.

They all shook their heads as Becky bit her lip. They just had to find Adam. They just had to. He was somewhere alone…scared….confused….trapped…and hurt. She knew all those feelings all to well….especially when she felt them all at once.

Luke saw the police lights flash through the camp. Never before was he content to see officers. The more help, the better.

Bianca, Katie, and Marisol sat on the steps as they rested their heads on each other. For comfort. For love. For support. The model felt guilty that her visit was so good and yet seeing their parents only caused more harm than good. But she said nothing. She only let them listen to silence of the night.

Bianca didn't know what to think when she saw Ellie with the officers as they walked to the boy's cabin. And neither did Katie and Marisol. Looking at each other, they followed inside. Seeing everyone's face become pale. Someone was missing.

"Where's Adam?" Katie asked as Ellie did her best to calm them down.

"We are doing our best to find him." The counselor assured as Mike handed them all lanterns. She wasn't expecting to hear the news when the angry father approached her. Seeing his reaction, she understood why he burned himself. Threatening to sue the camp if they couldn't find Adam was not the right thing to say at the moment. She understood he was upset, but she knew he was the real reason behind his son's impulsive actions.

"We are going to search for him….." The natural leader said. "Who knows this place better than us." Luke took his side.

"Wait let's not be to hasty. You two can't just go looking by yourselves. It will dark pretty soon." Mare bit her lip seeing his mother stare at her.

"We don't need anyone else getting lost." Camille, Audra and Ellie agreed.

"then we will all go." Bianca and the others agreed.

Katie hoped the rebel was mentally stable to handle this shock. They were all scared for their friend, but they all had problems too.

….

Adam reached the lake. The perfect place that would take him away from this world. He hoped that there was a heaven. And if it was, he hoped he would find peace there. And that his parents would find the peace they were searching for too. He hoped his mother would understand that there was never really a happy ending for him. He hoped his father would know that he loved him as much as he hated him. Looking at the water, he walked closer to it.

All the people he had here. Luke…the asshole who turned out to be the coolest guy he had ever met. Marisol…the model who had the kindest and most understanding mind he had ever met. Katie…the athlete who wanted everyone to be happy even if she wasn't. Bianca the rough girl who learned how to be as beautiful on the inside as the on the outside. And Dallas the greatest leader who was beginning to see himself as everyone else did…strong. He wished he was strong like him. Like all of them.

And Becky…the girl he would never get to truly hurt. He remembered seeing the hurt and happiness in her eyes when she saw her brother. But at least he would die knowing that someone could take interest in him. He would pretend that she would accept him if she knew the truth.

A part of him didn't want to do this. But the other part of himself told him this was the only way. He would sacrifice himself for his parents' happiness. Walking slowly in the water, the warm liquid almost eased his mind. His feet stopped as the water touched his waist. Was he really ready to do this? He couldn't push all the memories back in his head. His mother. The only one who tried to understand. He would miss her much…but he would wait for her. And watch over her….

_**Audra hugged her daughter as she heard the lighter drop from her hand. Feeling the tears on her shirt, she hated she didn't see this sooner. She was a bad mother for not knowing her child was going through this indescribable fear or pain. And she knew Gracie wanted to speak but didn't know what to say.**_

_**Gracie held onto her only lifeline. Silently whimpering, she hated how she broke down like this. She hated how she wasn't being more careful with herself. Now all her mother could focus on were the burn marks on her arm.**_

"_**Please….just tell me…..say something….is it because your father isn't here as often….." Audra tried to be strong, but the tears in her eyes kept coming. Her beautiful baby was hurting herself.**_

_**The child only shook her head at the question. She didn't want to say anything. She thought her feelings would go away, but after 16 years, they did not. She still felt trapped. No escape.**_

"_**Gracie…..please." The mother pleaded as she held her tighter.**_

"_**I can't mom…..i'm…not Gracie….I am not who you think I am….I am not even who I am supposed to be…" The child was surprised she could even form words remotely close to saying her true feelings.**_

"_**Yes you are Gracie…you are smart…and you find the beauty in everything…." The mother reasoned as the girl got out of her arms.**_

"_**No…mom….no….no…." She put her hands on her head as she paced the room. Audra could only stare at her scars as she waited for her child to speak.**_

"…_**I….something is wrong with me…..you haven't noticed….I hate long hair….and girls' clothes….." She felt uncomfortable in her own skin.**_

"_**Sweetie…it is alright to be a tomboy….."**_

"_**No…mom…no….just…just listen to me…I hate that I don't like boys…like I am supposed to….."**_

"_**Sweetie…that is alright…I promise…..I don't have a problem if you like cats, chickens or bears…I just hate how you felt as if you couldn't come to me…you can always come to me." She pleaded.**_

"_**No mom…that's not it." Gracie bit her lip. The woman was so understanding…and she wished that she was just gay. It would be so much simpler than this. But it wasn't. How could she say this?**_

"_**I'm not a girl….I am a guy…." He looked at his mother….who was speechless. The woman did not know if her child was being facetious…or that she heard her right.**_

"_**What?" She could only muster.**_

"_**Mom….I am not a girl…at least I don't feel like that…I have always thought of myself as one of the guys….and I think you notice that too….." He sat beside her. Pressing his head in her lap.**_

"_**Please don't hate me….or send me off to a barding school." He shook in her lap as Audra could only hold him.**_

"_**I would never send you away….but I also don't know what to say." The woman replayed his words over and over again. Looking in his eyes, she saw the truth.**_

"_**How….do…you?"**_

"_**I just do mom….I just do….."He said with certainly as she replayed memories in her mind. How the girl would always want to play rough with the boys….how she hated long hair…and dresses….how she would always sneak in her father's closet and try on his shoes.**_

"_**Adam….I.."**_

"_**Just…don't hate me….and please don't tell Dad just yet….."**_

"_**I won't…but let's figure this out first." She kissed his forehead as the boy hugged her. He knew this would be a big adjustment for her. To refer to her as a him now. He didn't even want to tell her the name he chose. That would wait. For now…he was would bask in his mother's acceptance.**_

At least he would die knowing that he had some happy memories in his life. Feeling the water up to his neck, he let his body go as he let the ripples crash over him.

….…..

They were all looking at her. Concerned for her. Even George. They wanted her to rest. But a mother could never rest until they found their child. Taking a deep breath, she used her lantern as she searched the woods. At least they had a little light left.

"Are there any animals here?" George's pulse quickened. He would never forgive himself for this. What he did to his son. He hated how this moment made him realize what he did to his child. Waiting for Ellie's response she shook her head.

"Well glad to know you are so concerned for your son." Audra bit back as the two commented back and forth…forgetting about the many people around them.

"This isn't time for that….bickering won't help us find him." The counselor took over as she looked at the teens. So scared for their friend. So was she. She would never forgive herself if anything happened to the quiet boy who brought the best out of everyone who he came in contact with. Taking deep breaths, she saw Marisol shake a little bit.

The model wished her parents hadn't left. They could have helped looked for her dear friend. Feeling something being draped over her, her thoughts were broken as she put her arms in the jacket.

"Thanks." She said softly to Mike who nodded. "We are going to find him…I promise." She assured as they kept searching…being mindful as of the branches and vines.

"thanks for being strong for me when I can't for myself at the moment." The leader did not see his parents look at his interaction with Marisol.

"That's because you are to busy being strong for all of us."

Bianca wished her mother would have searched like this for her when she had gone missing. But she didn't….and now she popped up out of the middle of nowhere…expecting things to be normal. What was wrong with her? Wiping away her tears, she felt someone grab her hand. Katie.

"Are you sure you don't want to….." The red head asked.

"Yes…." She blurted out as the others looked at them. "Sorry." She continued her task.

"Katie…just….back off." The rebel walked away from the girl. She knew she was trying to help….but she didn't need saving right now….this was all about Adam…not her. Catching up to Luke and Becky…she looked at the golden haired girl.

"Are you alright…..do you need to rest?" She asked as she shook her head.

Becky wasn't used to walking like the five teens were but she wanted to help…anyway possible. She didn't know why. And she knew they would laugh at her if she told them that she felt some sort of emotional connection with the boy she just met.

"I just can't believe that George wants to care now." Luke whispered being considerate of Mrs. Torres.

"It is his son Luke." Becky stated as he and Bianca huffed.

"It is also too late." The boy hated how his sister always gave others the benefit of the doubt. This man only made Adam regret who he was as a person. And there was some secret that they were keeping from them all. And he had a feeling that Mike knew….

The leader felt as if this was becoming hopeless….and they were losing time. He just had to find to find his friend. And all the memories flashed in his mind. He needed tampons because he was a girl. Because he was….a girl….Adam should have told them he was transgender. He should have trusted them…at least him. Shaking his head, Marisol looked at him.

"Tell me…." She read his mind. He hated how she had a sixth sense when it came to him….and oddly he was gaining one towards her. He liked it as much as he hated it.

"It's not for me to say." He saw her nod as she could only accept his words. Looking at Katie…both girls held hands…silently praying…as Katie stopped in her tracks…..

"The lake…." She looked at them all as the teens nodded.

"We didn't try there yet….."Luke gave his father a look of disapproval.

"You are right…let's split up….." Ellie ignored the twin's nonverbal assault on the father as she agreed. Taking the adults back to the campus, she couldn't find words to assure them. Seeing Mrs. Dallas hold Audra's hand, she hoped it was enough.

"Can you run?" Luke asked Becky who nodded. Following them, she was surprised she didn't fall behind as they ran. Taking deep breaths, they ignored the branches that gave them scrapes. They ignored the soreness of their knees. Adam was more important their bodies. And right now…..they were getting closer to the lake….hoping to find him on the shore….not to see his body…..

His body.

Right there before their eyes.

The six teens' mouths opened as they saw a body floating on top of the water. No time to take in the sight…they could only react.

Please don't let this be too late.

They weren't strong enough to handle this.

They weren't.

Mike and Luke took off their shirts as they swam into the water. Ignoring the dirt from the water. Keeping their minds focused on their friend. Ignoring the pain in their muscles as they reached his body. Placing an arm around each of their necks they swam back to the shore. Wishing this was just a prank.

But it wasn't.

He was unconscious. His mind was lost to the world.

The four girls praying….hoping it wasn't too late. Looking down as the two boys came back to the shore.

Laying Adam on the ground, they noticed the blue hue of his skin. Mike gave Marisol a signal to go get the adults….Luke left with her. No it would never be too late. Without a thought, Katie breathed into his mouth as she pressed hard against his chest.

"One, two, three." Katie urgently felt his life slipping away from them. This just had to work. He had to wake up. He had to be here with them.

"come on Katie." Bianca mentally prayed Adam was with them….

"One two three…." Katie kept pressing. Please let her do this right. Please let her remember first aid. This was the most important thing she would ever do in her life.

"One…two….." She released the breath as she heard him cough….water exiting his mouth as his eyes opened. Acting on instinct…Seeing the four teens stare down at him with relief. He made it….he made it….he made it.

And they didn't know whether to hug him or kill him themselves.


	12. Monster part 2

Monster

Chapter 12

Part 2

…

Audra refused to acknowledge his presence. Her baby. Her beautiful son was almost taken away from her. Riding in the ambulance with him, she just held his hand. That was all she could do. Praying that maybe she was giving him some of her strength. Just enough to keep him clinging on to life. Just enough to have him mentally with them. A child should never go through this. A child should never have burdens of this weight. She wished that God would have given this to her instead. She had lived her life long enough. All she wanted was reassurance that he wouldn't try again. Breathing deeply, placing her hands on the glass, she flinched as she felt George's hand on her shoulder. He had no right to touch her or her son again. She would make sure of it. Even if his world was shattering before his eyes. She never thought she would be cruel enough, but he deserved this pain. And right now, at any moment she was promised to hit him.

His life flashed before his eyes, placing his hand over his mouth to keep from yelling at himself. The tears could not be held any longer. And his ex-wife only ignored his pleas to God. He was too late to do this. He had no right to do this. And the others reminded him of this. He was not welcomed by them or himself. Placing his forehead on the glass wall, he felt a hand on his shoulder. The gracious counselor Ellie…handing him a coffee. He was in no mood to eat or drink anything. And his adrenaline was stronger than the caffeine. And yes….he kept beating himself up over and over, and if he could take back everything he put his son through, he would continuously do it.

Ellie and Becky handed the teens each a coffee as they huddled together. Wishing. Praying that he would be the same Adam when he woke up from his slumber. But they knew he wouldn't. He was destroyed. Watching Audra and George look at his form through the glass window, Audra felt her ex-husband grab her hand. For once in a while, she recognized the man she had once fallen in love with. They needed to be there with their son, so he would know that he wasn't alone. But at least George knew he shouldn't be the first person their son would see when he woke up again.

"Here you go Mr. and Mrs. Torres." Becky handed them the drink as they nodded in gratitude. The girl wanted to say so much to them. But her beliefs always made it hard for her to communicate with others. She knew that even though God was in control of this, that they would not see it like that. Everyone was so angry. With George and themselves. Sitting beside her brother, she felt him grab her hand.

"Don't worry. He will be alright. I know it." Becky held back her tears. She had no right to cry for someone she just met. But it hurt just as bad. She was on the brink of destruction as Adam…wanting to leave it all behind her. She was willing to risk an eternity of hell, just to leave this place. Even on her way to the hospital, her father would not answer the phone.

"that's not what I am worried about…..when Adam wakes up, there is nothing that we can do to make him feel better about himself. About who he is…..Dallas said that Adam had a secret that no one knew about….and it sucks that he didn't trust us to tell us. And what sucks even more is that Dallas knows and I don't….."

"Sounds like you care about Adam." She looked at him exhausted.

"I am. I know I have my ways but I don't know what I would have done if we would have lost him. We couldn't just pray to make it better."

"you're right…..I cling to religion for guidance…but even at times I question God. I know I shouldn't…but I do. Like why would he put Adam through this great pain? He is so kind and so decent….I know I just met him, but I can feel it." She felt him grip her hand.

"He is..i hope George feels Adam's pain and more. I know it is wrong to wish things on people, but its true. Because of him, Adam is laying in a hospital bed with adrenaline in his arm. It is not fair." The twin's voice got louder as the counselor tried to quiet him down.

"No…Luke…..don't….." She felt the same emotion he felt. They all felt. But they couldn't make this worse. Adam needed to know everyone was here for him. Not arguing with one another. "Go take a breather." She advised as Becky grabbed his wrist…pulling him down the hallway…passing Mike and Marisol.

Mike was glad his parents left at his request. He didn't want them to be here. In this atmosphere as they worried about their good friend. It was odd how they were from the same city but never saw each other. The many times he had been here. The many times he didn't care about the pain he put his parents through. Now he saw what it felt like to be on the other side of the glass. Feeling her hand grab his, he wanted to scream. Yell at someone. At himself. He should have protected him better. He should have persisted in finding out the truth. Maybe then, he could have made George back off.

"Mike…..it's not your fault….." Mare read his mind.

"it is all our faults Mare….we should have found out. Now I know but it is too late."

"So tell me….what is the secret that is making him hate himself so much. He doesn't deserve that. No one does." She looked in his eyes.

"Mare…don't…..just don't…" He couldn't look her in the eyes.

"Please….tell me….right now…you are blaming yourself for something that was out of your control…it has to be really tragic to not share it with someone." She begged with him.

"….Adam….is transgender…" He said the statement slowly as her mind registered the fact.

"What…?" Her mind made sense of his tampons. Why he always talked to Ellie alone and had special bathroom privileges.

"O my God….no wonder he had trouble fitting in with himself and others. He thought we would hate…that was why he was so scared to truly open up to us."

"Right now…I am doing my best to not blow up on George. It seems everyone wants to. Right now I will be thankful Adam is resting. Getting his strength back." He saw a familiar doctor walk past him.

"Dr. Martin…" The black boy caught his attention as the doctor stopped with a look of contentment.

"Mike Dallas." This was really good surprise. Seeing the boy in front of him without scratches or black eyes.

"Please tell me that you are Adam Torres' doctor." He pleaded as the man shook his head. Seeing the boy not bandaged or bloody made him almost not recognize him, but maybe the troubled boy was learning from his actions. He had never seen him talk with such compassion before..

"I am sorry. But I am not." The doctor looked at the worried girl beside him. "But I can look into it for you. So how are you and your family?"

"We are good. I won't be back here." The two laughed.

"That's good to know…..especially since your friend's death." the man said sadly as he saw the boy's eyes widen. What did he just do?

Did he just hear that? Seeing Mare hold the same expression as him, he felt his body stiffen?

How was he supposed to react? So many thoughts were running through his head? When? Why didn't his parents tell him this? How long did they know that? Why was he the last to know? How could Dr. Martin say this with a straight face? So casually. He couldn't handle this. No. not now. Not with Adam here.

"Jordan died." His mind crashed as Mare saw the impact of the news on his body. "When?"

"I am sorry. I thought you knew. I am so sorry Dallas. I am sorry for your loss."

"I didn't lose a pair of car keys. I lost my best friend. When did he die?" Dallas grew angrier and angrier. Feeling the girl try to pull him back.

"I can't to you about this….talk to your parents." The doctor attempted to rush off.

"No answer the question….when did he die?"

"Last week." The doctor felt his beeper go off as Mike couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. This was all his fault. He couldn't save them both. He was weak. He couldn't save Jordan from himself. And he couldn't save Adam from his father. He was a worthless friend. A worthless person. Falling to the ground, Mare held his waist.

"Shh…..shhhh." Mare held him to her. Surprised that he was allowing her to hold him as they sat on the floor. To let her be his strength. There seemed to never be a happy ending to their lives. Constantly, loved ones kept getting hurt around them. And there was nothing she could do to make this better for him. How could the truth just come out like that? So randomly. So plainly. As if a person didn't matter. As if the life of one was just so simple. Looking down at the young man, she felt him grip her harder. And she let him. even if it hurt her. He needed her now more than ever. Kissing his forehead, she ignored the people walking past them. Hoping Ellie would not come, right now, he wasn't prepared to talk. And neither was she.

Bianca laid in Katie's lap...feeling the red head run her hands through her hair. She didn't mean those words earlier. She wanted her as close as possible. Only with her did she not feel like screaming. Feeling the cold air on her skin, the athlete rubbed her arms. Hating that she put Winnie and herself through this. Hating that this hospital was making her relieve the memories she thought she left in the past. Feeling the scars on her arm, she saw Bianca run her finger over them. Kissing them gently. Maybe she felt her urgency to scream as well. Looking down at the fighter, the curly haired girl gave her a strong smile. Telling her with her eyes, she was here for her.

Though she was moving on with her life, she could never forget the rough streets that called her name. so many girls left. Whether it be beatings or drugs, she felt nothing towards their death. Even after years of working together. After being controlled by the same man. Yet, her heart was shattered because Adam. Sitting up, she saw the beautiful face of her affection. Her eyes red from crying. Her skin pale from exhaustion. She was remembering how she used to cut. She saw it in her blue eyes. And there was nothing she could do to make this go away. Exchanging the gesture, she forced Katie to rest on her. This girl needed the break to. They all did.

"I'm not tired…..I told you." The jock saw Luke and Becky stare at them. Their relationship still took others by surprise. But this wasn't about them. "Right now…we need to be focused on Adam." Her mind triggered to the blade running through her skin. Seeing the blood so clear in her mind.

"We wont be any help to him if we are tired. You don't have to be the mother all the time. Just like Dallas doesn't have to be the father of the pack. You have to understand that." The girl played in her hair. "I know this is hard for you. Being here. And I hate that you have to deal with your temptations like this. All the time. But all I can say is that I will never let you go to that dark place. I promise." She felt the athlete hold her tighter.

"It's hard to forget though." The jock sat up. "But when I am with you. I just have this need to protect you. And I have the need to let you protect me." She saw the girl tuck strands of red hair behind her ear. "After everything you went through with your mom….why aren't you falling apart either? To see her for the first time in 6 years. Why aren't you having a nervous breakdown?"

"I think…it's because I won't allow myself to. I have to make sure you are alright…and I haven't process it all just yet. And then I just feel so guilty for Audra though. She is the mother that we both always wanted. The mother who stood up for her child. And yet she feels as if this is all her fault. It's not. " The two held hands not knowing George could hear their conversation.

Doing his best not to break down in front of them all, he sat down in the hallway. Breathing slowly. Hoping this would make him stronger. But as the tears feel, his cries became louder and louder. He lost his son. Forever and always. The moment his eyes would open, he would be dead to him. And he wanted to kill himself because of his judgmental ways. Holding himself, he saw no one comfort him. only the eyes of Becky saddening even more.

"Don't." Luke pulled her to him. He would not let her comfort him.

"He needs something." The sunny twin stated. "I have to do something."

"no." The brother looked at the man torturing mentally himself. "He needs to know how Adam felt for once."

"I am so sick of everyone acting as if I am the cold hearted bastard. I love my child just as much as Audra. And I am in just as much pain as she is in. as if I don't feel bad enough…" He stated through his tears.

"And you should….." Ellie stood up. "You ship your son off hoping that we would revert him back into a girl. You threatened to sue the camp because Adam disappeared even though you were responsible for that. You blame every one else for what you think Adam's problem is. There is nothing wrong with Adam….nothing. he is the sweetest kid that I have ever met. And I hate that he had to be raised by you. By a parent who takes him for granted." The teens watched the young woman blaze with fire. Never had they seen her like this before. Her fists formed. Her teeth clenched. With no regard for anyone's feelings.

"I don't take him for granted." He battled back.

"Yes you do. You broke him down. made him believe that he was a mistake. That God didn't love him. that no one would love him. But we love Adam. We are his family. We are there to pick up the pieces when you pushed him to his breaking point. You never called once to check up on him. all of that was Audra." Ellie raged pointing to the strong woman.

She couldn't see their faces. But she knew she scared them. Feeling her head dizzy from her state of mind. All she saw was black. Forgetting about the teens and mother in the room with her. She just wanted him to know. To finally realize that this was the end. And nothing could be taken back.

"But I do love Gracie….I do…." George said as the teens still didn't understand the battle between them. Who was Gracie?

"But you hate Adam….." Ellie began. She knew this was unprofessional of her. But she didn't care about her job at the moment.

"I love Adam….but I did not want this life for Gracie….I didn't . I don't want others to want to hurt her…or rape her...because of what she chose to be."

"You mean….he became who he really was." Ellie looked at the man as the teens were in shock. Adam was a girl. Correction. Transgender. Shaking their bodies, they didn't know how to handle the newfound revelation. Adam was Adam. He would always be the boy with the nerd flare.

Luke rested his head against the wall. Hating that the boy couldn't tell him. but being here helped him grow so much. And he knew he wouldn't have been able to handle this back then. After days…weeks. Of counseling and obstacle courses, they grew to trust each other and themselves. Why couldn't the boy see that they were different from the world. Different because of them.

Becky didn't know how to process this information. She was straight. And yet, if Adam was a girl, how was it possible that he got caught in her heart. Already. It didn't make any sense to her. She held so close to her beliefs. And she knew God never made a mistake….so Adam was meant to be who he was. And maybe in God's divine power, she was meant to have feelings for him. resting her head on her twin's brother, she couldn't fight the feeling to be near the quiet boy again. To hold his hand. To let him know that he wasn't alone anymore. Looking on the other side of the hallway, she saw Mare and Mike holding each other. It was a hard night on all of them.

Mare held the young man in her arms. She didn't know what to say to him. and everyone felt guilty for tending to their own needs because of Adam. But there was nothing wrong about Mike weeping for his lost friend. Thinking to her self, it was ironic how her father shared the same name as his friend. And she knew his was as important as hers. Feeling tears on her shirt, Ellie attempted to give comfort to him. thinking that it was just raw emotion for Adam. And she wished it was. How could his family keep this secret from him? and how did the boy feel about his mother and father now? He was learning to love them again. Now it was taken away from him.

He didn't hate his parents. And he knew they were protecting him. but all he could think about was Jordan dying alone. And him not being there by him side. He should have been there to watch his back for him. and be there in his last moments. Did he hate him as much as he hated himself. He had let Jordan down so many times, he couldn't do it again. Standing up abruptly, he walked passed the others as Marisol ran after him. if only they knew.

"Mike….where are you going?" The model caught up to him. holding himself to prevent him from making a terrible mistake.

"Away from you." He saw her face sadden. He didn't mean it…and she knew it.

"Mike….."She said softly as he only let her wipe his tears away.

"I have to find out. I have to know how he died. I can't call mom or dad. They will think that I was going back to my old ways….I don't want to disappoint them. But I don't want to disappoint Jordan either…."

"Just try to give them a chance. They do love you."

"I know that." Mike summoned his strength as the two began to search for Dr. Martin…seeing him on the hallway.

"O Lord." The doctor wanted to head the other direction. He couldn't forgive himself for upsetting the boy in such a manner. Being in the hospital for one friend and hearing about the death of another. Where was his heart?

"Dr. Martin." The boy caught up to him. "I know you have patients. But can you please tell me how he died…..were his parents here? Did he die alone?"'

"Mike I have already done enough damage." The man stated.

"Please. Just tell me….I need to know this. I have suffered and seen more than I would wish on anyone…..I can handle it."

"It is different when it is someone close to you though." Dr. Martin touched the teen's shoulder.

"I don't care….just tell me." He pleaded as Mare stood beside him. preparing themselves.

"It was a drug deal gone wrong." The doctor saw the boy's face drop. "He was shot….in the heart. The paramedics did all they could do to revive him….but he was pronounced dead on arrival." He saw the teen place his hands on his face. "Luckily one of the nurses was close friends with his parents when we called his family. ….and they were able to come…..his mother was broken hearted but she was expecting this." The teen was envisioning this in his head.

"When was the funeral? ….what about…." He asked after he registered the information. At least he was still loved by them.

"Dallas…I know this is hard for you…but I don't know anything else." He said with genuine concern as the teen could only nod as he walked away.

"they could have called me. They could have let me know….."

"Jordan's parents didn't want you to end up like him. They were doing it in your best…."

"I don't care about my best interest…." He began to shake as the model held him to her. She knew this wouldn't help but anything to let him know that he wasn't alone would do. Kissing her forehead, a thought crossed his mind. More like an impulse. But he had to do this. Despite the consequences.

"Mare…go back to the others." He said softly as the model was curious. Both not seeing Ellie approach them. Hearing their conversation.

"Why…" The black beauty inquired.

"I got to go visit Jordan…pay my respects." Not seeing Ellie's mouth drop. Not more bad news. Why was this happening all of a sudden to the teens who were actually learning to be better. Learning to cope.

"Mike….its like 1 o clock. It's dangerous. Something could….." She was cut off.

"I can protect myself. What do you expect me to do Mare? I have been away long enough…..just stay here so you don't get in trouble." His voice raised as the counselor listened to his eruption.

"I can't let you go out there by yourself.. I'm coming with you.." She knew he wasn't clearly thinking straight. His reading skills were getting better but she didn't want him to be alone.

"Mare….no…." He began to walk as the couple felt someone tug their arm. Turning around they saw Ellie. With a look of exhaustion and fear on her face. Knowing what was on their minds.

"Mike…..you cant….." The ginger pleaded. "I heard about what happened to Jordan…but please stay here….."

"Elli….put me on whatever restrictions you need to when we get back to camp. It is all my fault. Mare is just so stubborn." He looked at the girl with love in his eyes. "But I have to go visit Jordan. It can't wait in the morning. It can't….." His desperation showed as the woman could only nod. Going with her heart against her better judgment. Handing them money from her wallet for a taxi.

"Be careful." Her eyes widened as they hugged her. Hugging them back, she realized why she loved her job.

She was going to lose her job for this. Getting too close to the campers like she just did. Making loopholes for them. Arguing against their parents. Wiping her tears away, she sat down in another area. For now, she had to separate herself from the hostility in the room and from her job. She just hoped she would make a difference in their lives like it had for hers. Breathing deeply, she did hate herself for jumping on the man. He was already emotionally beating himself up. And for them to gang up on him like that…..she didn't want anyone to treat her like that.. or her mother like that for that matter. Adults made mistakes just like their children.

But she hated how her mother created the cycle for her. She knew when Adam woke up, he would hate his father as much as he loved him. Hearing her phone vibrate, she ignored the call. Her mind couldn't handle this right now.

Adam felt the needles in his skin. He heard the beeps from the heart monitor. And yet he still couldn't open his eyes. He was in an awakened dream that wanted to be free from. Feeling his chest rise up and down, he felt them around his body. Feeling a gentle hand hold his. He wanted to see them. Tell them…he made a mistake. That he thought his life would be better taken away. He didn't know that they would react like this. Sounding like a child, he knew this. But even unconsciously, he heard his mothers cries. He heard his friends' prayers. They were all here. For him.

Audra saw the beautiful twin hold his hand. It was her time to do so. She had been worried about him just as much as they all did. And this was what Adam needed to see when he woke up, a girl being there by his side. Though they all knew Adam's secret. She was shocked that they stayed by his side. Even with all their lives crashing, they made time to be with their friend. Her son finally found friends.

"Come Audra. Take a rest." Bianca sat the woman in the sofa. Grateful the doctor's let them inside of his room, she obeyed the rough girl.

"Ummm…would you like for us to get you anything…bring you guys some of his clothes from home." Katie hoped she was helping.

"No….dear….you guys are doing us so much already." She held both their hands. "Adam always had a hard time fitting in. now that he has found himself…i have been through so much with him. I couldn't imagine my life without him…."

"We couldn't either…." Bianca smiled at the woman. "He has so much strength in his eyes. And he gives us that. We each help each other find the strength to move on…." The three looked at the twins at his side.

"Sup Adam…." Luke looked at the unconscious teen. Knowing he could hear him. he just knew the boy was with him. and he wouldn't let himself go. "Don't worry….we're here. Just take all the rest you need." The twin knew the quiet boy was exhausted. "you got to wake up soon though because George is like a new person. I just wish it hadn't taken you to do this for him to understand you." The teen let out a breath seeing his sister hold his hand still.

"This just lets you know that you can change people. We don't care about the truth. We want you here regardless. No matter what. We just don't want to lose you again." She kissed his forehead. "Come back to all of us."

Adam's body wouldn't allow him to wake up. He was scared about their expectations for him. when he woke, he just wouldn't be the same anymore. At least for a long while. And his mind was protecting him from that.. but he knew that he wasn't strong enough for this. And now he hated himself for putting them through this. All he wanted was for them to love him. for his dad to love him too.

George stayed outside of the hospital room. The same thing played through his mind over and over again. He was a terrible father. A terrible husband. A terrible man. A man who couldn't balance himself. A man who couldn't show love to the most important people he knew. He loved. Seeing his wife be surrounded by his son's friends, he remembered how easily the two could be loved. And how easily he did not fit in with them. He could have tried too. But he put forth no effort. And now he was paying for it right now.

"Here you go." Ellie passed him son coffee again as he kindly accepted….ignoring her ringing cell phone. "I shouldn't have…."

"No….i needed to hear that. To hear everything. I didn't hold my tongue one bit and no one should hold there's with me." His voice steady as he sipped. "I cant do anything but hate myself. I use to wish that Adam could be fixed. That he would magically want to become a girl again…"

"so how do you feel about that?"

"I honestly don't know…..i hate how he hurt himself. And I can't ever forgive myself for putting him through that….and though I am still unsure about his lifestyle….I have to respect him. love him. I just can't lose him again. I just cant…" He held himself again as Audra sat beside him.

"Then…don't….." she sat beside him as she offered her hand. Seeing him reluctantly take it. "He is a fighter…..you two may be at odds, but he has you and me both in his blood."

"You don't have to be civil with me…and right now…you should be spitting on me…"He hated how his ex-wife was being civil with him. That was what made him love her so. No matter how hard the situation was, in the end, she still loved.

"But I am not…because I am too tired to hate you or myself at the moment. We will handle this…day by day….second by second….just don't bail out on us. We need you like you need us."

"But Adam….."He pleaded.

"Adam will take time to handle this….and we just have to show him." She squeezed his hand.

"just make sure that you two don't overdue. Do force yourself onhim. He has to want you to be there on his own."

"So that means…." George went to the worst assumption.

"it means that though Adam might not want you to be there for him. he is going to have to have you there to fully heal…and vice versa." Elli ignored the vibration of her phone.

"Then I will be there." Looking at the teens in the room with his son. His son. Adam. It would take time for him to readjust to the idea of this. But it would be worth it, if he could see his son's smile again.

"Guys?" Becky looked at them in the room. "Where are Mare and Mike?" there faces had the same curious expression.

"I don't know….." Bianca looked at Katie who saw the adults talk. Thinking they were talking to them.

"You don't think that they….." Becky pondered as the teens shook their heads.

"No….no….not with Adam here…but if they did…It had to be something really important." Katie stated.

"Well at least Adam can wake up knowing that some things never change." Luke tried to lighten the mood. "If they did run off, they are going to get in hella trouble…but I have to give them props for being ballsy."

"Luke….Adam is in a hospital bed…and you are praising them for leaving….."

"Becks lighten up….I know Mike…he is probably just on the roof or in the chapel. Just praying. Nothing else…."

"Come on…lets go get them." Katie exclaimed as Becky shook her head.

"no…I will stay here. Just incase he wakes up." They only nodded as they left her with him.

"Adam I really hope you can hear me. I hope you can never go back to that dark place again. My heart can't take that. I know I just met you. And I know I sound like this overly dramatic romantic little girl…but I can't lose you." She felt him squeeze her hand. Her eyes glowing as she wiped her tears.

This was all she needed to know. He was with them. With her.


	13. Blurry

Blurry

Puddle of Mud

Chapter 13

….

He walked though the automatic doors of the hospital. Ellie wasn't answering her phone. He hated when she got like this. He hated how she would block out her own needs and become overly consumed. Searching for his dear wife. She had given her soul to this organization. And to him. her body could not handle this stress anymore. His feet on a mission, his eyes zoned in on the ginger who sat near a group of teens. Shaking his head, he placed his hand through his hair as he saw the bags underneath her eyes. She was on a caffeine overload.

When she called him and told him about Adam. His mouth dropped at her panicked, frantic voice. Even with his bipolar meltdowns, and his attempted suicide once ago….he still hated the idea of it. Knowing that others were at their breaking point and wanted a permanent escape. And just like Ellie didn't give up on him. He knew she wouldn't give up on Adam.

"Ellie…wake up." He touched her cheek as his voice calmed her nerves. Seeing a curly haired girl rest on one shoulder and a red head on the other. She loved her job. And he loved her, but she would get sick if she kept doing this.

"Craig…." Her eyes gently opened as she felt him kiss her forehead.

"El…you need rest…"

"but I can't leave them…" She looked at the tired teens around her and Audra and George in the room with Adam.

"I know. I know…but you aren't any use to them with caffeine withdrawals. I know you haven't eaten since you came and you haven't checked in. I was worried about you."

"Craig…stop overreacting…I am fine. I can handle this."

"I know you can. But you have to take care of yourself. Remember what your biggest flaw is…..you help everyone but yourself….I can't let this happen." Craig held her hand as the two girls sat up. Their eyes adjusting to the light.

"Umm…Bianca and Katie…this is my husband Craig." Ellie felt the awkwardness as they nodded in acknowledgement. She didn't have to look at the two teens to know they were curious about the man. The only man who could truly understand her struggle to gain sanity. The only man who she wasn't afraid to love. The only man who wasn't afraid to love her.

"If it will make you feel better. You can bring them all to the house…because you guys can't go back to camp now…not without a good sleep." He pleaded as the ginger knew he was right. He had to make her understand that Adam wasn't here by himself. His parents were. And she had to stop blaming herself for his decisions.

Audra and George sat in his room. Together. Holding both of his hands, they could only stare at him. Not expecting much. Just for him to open his eyes. For once, his face was peaceful. Lacking the scowl from fighting so hard to be himself. Lacking the scowl of worrying about his own safety. George saw his ex-wife rest her head on his bed. She needed the rest herself. maybe she would dream a good dream. A dream where they were once a family again. And he was a good husband who loved unconditionally. No she wouldn't waste sleep like that. Because that was his dream. Standing up, he kissed his son's forehead.

"Adam…I'm sorry that it took this for me to find out that you are twice the man than I am." The man began as he squeezed his hand. "you never hid. No matter how hard your life got. You faced it head on. And that is what makes me want to be more like you. But I am not." He heard the beating from the heart monitor.

"I am afraid that I will hurt you more because I don't know the first thing about being a good father…or a good husband…and when you guys were trying to teach me…I was doing my best to go against that. And I am so sorry for that."

"Right now….how about we just focus on you…and what you need for once….and things won't be the same when you wake up. I promise." He kissed his forehead as he shook Audra gently.

"Is he up?" She asked instinctively as the man shook his head. Looking outside the room, she saw his friends who had not left his side yet. She wouldn't allow this any longer. Seeing the counselor talk to another man, the ex-couple became curious.

"I just…its my responsibility….." She didn't see the concerned parents walk out of the room. "Adam he needs me…..I can't believe I dropped my defenses like that. I should have seen this coming. I should have known." The ginger held herself as her husband put his jacket on her.

"El…it is not you." He kissed her forehead as he heard Audra and George's footsteps.

"Craig Manning…..Ellie's husband." He shook their hands as the counselor blushed.

"Ellie…he is right….you guys go. Rest…we will stay…." George stated.

"But…."

"Ellie….listen to your husband. He is right…go home…rest…..you need this." The ginger nodded as she woke up the tired teens. Her husband was right. She was not Superwoman.

….

Mike was more than grateful that Marisol was teaching him how to read. He was actually seeing the letters now. Holding her hand as they walked through the cemetery, he hoped she wasn't scared. He hoped she knew he would protect her no matter the cost. As their feet drug through the glass, he pulled out Ellie's phone. The phone she snuck in his pocket. The moon wasn't bright enough. And he hoped somehow Jordan was looking down on him. Or was near him to show him the way. So many graves, but he would never give up. Never.

"You know you can talk about Jordan to me right?" Mare didn't want him to disappear within himself.

"I know….but I am sure you don't want to hear about the misadventures of the dynamic hoodlums."

"I actually would." She looked carefully at the graves. "I mean you can't forget where you come from. Or else you will get lost again…"

"Jordan was my best friend. And worst enemy. I wanted everything he had. Girls. Money…he lived the fast life….the quick life….and when I got a taste of it…I wanted more too. But he watched out for me….one time….I stole some bandages and ointment from this convenient store. My parents had kicked me out. Their rendition of tough love….Jordan let me stay with him. His parents kicked him out too. To be honest. I don't even know why I stole from the convenience store. It was like I was a klepto or something…but when the cops blocked me in an alley…he knocked out one of their windows….he looked out for me….." Mike softly said. "But where was I to look out for him?" He cried as Mare rubbed his back.

"Mike he is not mad at you….."

"You don't know that Marisol…you don't…"

"I do…because I can tell by the way you take care of me…of us….he knew you were loyal….he loved you…just like we love you." She touched his cheek. Not realizing what she said. But he did.

"I'm not worth loving Marisol….I'm not…and don't get caught up ." He did his best to defend his own heart. Looking at the chocolate girl with dimples. And love in her eyes….in her heart. He was falling hard. He couldn't do that now…..

"No…no…stop it." She touched his face. "No way in hell am I going to let you down yourself. You have to understand that Jordan chose his life. and you are not responsible for him…or Adam…only for yourself….and you have to stop underestimating yourself…and see you how we see you…"

"Marisol…why are you….so…so….why are you always there for me….helping me….being strong…making me feel these things that I shouldn't….you shouldn't be around me. A girl like you…if this hadn't of happened….we wouldn't have crossed paths….and if you saw me you would run." He stated.

"And you would have probably tried to steal my purse or something. That is the past and this is the present…that doesn't matter…..who you are at this moment does….." She pecked his lips. "And we cant let Jordan down."

"No…we can't." He agreed with her. Maybe one day, he would be brave enough to tell her how he felt. For now, he would wait.

…

Ellie Nash Manning was more than grateful that she had a husband who protected her against her will. And that she finally had a balance. A home. Watching her high school love pull many sleeping bags from their closet, she rubbed her eyes as she helped give them to the teens. One day, she would tell them her story. She would let them know that there was always a happy ending in despair.

"No sharing bags." She looked at Katie and Bianca who hesitantly nodded. Blushing, they were surprised no one was uncomfortable with their relationship. But everyone was much more concerned with Adam. This was the silver lining. Everyone was concerned about what they should be concerned about.

The teens were so tired, they didn't take the time to observe the simple apartment. With music posters and albums hung across the rooms. With comfortable black sofas and love seats around….with the guitar in the corner. Unfolding their bags, the two girls settled by each other…..grabbing each other's hands ….they basked in each other's presence.

"Are you going to be ok?" Bianca asked as the red head shook her head. She didn't honestly know.

"I know I walked away from her…but after seeing Adam with his parents….a part of me wont let Gwen go. I still want to give her another chance. But it's me who needs to be checking up on you." She brushed her hands through Bianca's curls.

"I told you…"The rebel began.

"And you need to stop lying. You aren't ok….you just saw your mom after years of abuse…"

"I don't know how I am supposed to feel ok….." She released her frustration. "i feel so much towards her. Because of her, I was forced to run away. I was forced to do things I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. And it's because of her. Because she didn't love me enough to save me….because she loved that man more than her own daughter….and then she shows up like I am supposed to run into her arms….like I am supposed to forgive….I can't….I can't….and I won't….hours of counseling could never make me forget and move on…all the hurt….being held down….being slapped…being hit….being thrown away…being used…" She cried as Katie moved closer to her. Resting her arm around her.

"I'm not leaving you….i'm not….." The red head held the girl who gripped her hand tighter. Forgetting the twins were on the other side of the room.

Becky looked at the ceiling….not being able to sleep. Not just because of Adam. But because of her father…her father who…..

"Becks….go to bed." Luke commanded as the sunny girl shook her head.

"I can't….seeing Adam in that bed…makes me think of Dad….thinking about how alone he really feels. How doesn't have the energy to fight. He has given up on life. on himself…on us…..he's gone from us." Luke listened to her words. Doing his best to put himself in his dad's position.

"Have you ever hated someone as much as you loved them?" He saw the girl nod. "That's how I feel about dad. All the shit he put us through. All the shit mom put us through. You would think that they would think about what they did to us…"

"Dad has an illness." Becky defended.

"And who's fault is that? Yes I want to help him…but I can't help but be angry with him. and I am not going to pretend that I am not. I am…and you are too. And that's alright. But when I get out of here…. I am going to find mom….make her look…make her see what she left behind. Because its her that I am angriest with….I know we should forgive…but that is hard to do. And she is the reason for this. When you don't love someone, you divorce them….not run away making others around you feel as if it is their fault."

"At times. I thought it was my fault." The girl stated. "I thought I wasn't good enough for mom. Sometimes I feel as if I never was. No matter how polite or how graceful I was…it wasn't enough…..i remember staring at her as she put on her makeup…I wanted to be her…I was so wrong…because I could never give up on my family. Why can't I be like you Luke…..more experienced…less naïve."

"You aren't naïve…you are just forgiving…an angel in disguise. You turn the other cheek every time….and that is what makes you you. And don't stop being that way …..just like Adam…." He saw the girl blush as Luke noticed this.

"Do you think he would want to see me when he wakes up. What if I make him inadequate? Less of a man. But he is one of the greatest that I know."'

"Who is the other?"

"You are." Becky stated as Luke rolled his eyes.

"Shut-up. Get some rest." The two turned over as sleep welcomed them.

….

Squinting his eyes at the bright lights. He let out a disgruntled moan as his eyes began to hurt. Sitting up, he felt the i.v.'s in his hand as he moved slowly. Looking down at his parents sleep. His dear mother….and….

His cruel father. His memories flashing before his eyes. The warm water rushing through his nostrils. His brain. Placing his hands over his face, he wished it did its job. He wasn't supposed to survive. Shaking he rubbed his arms at the cool breeze. He was in purgatory. Mentally and physically. Not happy to be alive…and yet not sad. But his mind couldn't stop his heart from beating slower. He was ashamed to face them. Humiliated with himself. Knowing that his father would judge him. that he judged himself for being a coward. For running away….instead of battling his father.

Removing his hand from the man's hand, he heard his words. Now he was his father's pride and joy. But what would happen in the next months. When he was no longer the son who attempted to commit suicide. When he was just Adam….or to the man….Gracie…..the living Pinocchio. Looking at his mother's hand. He hated how he worried her into this dark sleep. He hated how he was supposed to protect her. But no matter how hard he tried…he could never do it. Hearing their light snores, he laid back down…shutting his eyes. Maybe they could stay asleep forever. But he knew that could never be.

….

She hoped Adam was doing well. She hoped that he knew when he woke up that he had second chance. To make things right. She had only wished Jordan realized the same thing. Dallas was so strong. To lose his grandfather…and then his best friend….her heart only swelled with love and admiration for the strong boy.

He found it. After an hour of searching. He found it. The place where his brother was laying. Resting. Sitting on his knees, he touched the letters. Feeling the coldness of the stone. Feeling Mare beside him. giving him what he needed most. Distance and comfort at the same time.

_Jordan Evans….an angel gone to soon._

"I'm sorry Jordan. I'm sorry I left you…..why did you have to be so stupid? Why did you have to throw your life away? Why did I let you. I should have tried harder…and I hope you can forgive me for that. Quicker than I can forgive myself..i didn't mean to miss your funeral….i didn't know….I didn't…." feeling Mare touch his shoulder, he kept talking.

"I don't even know what to say right now…I don't…because whatever I say…its not good enough to make me feel better. I couldn't even grieve for you. I didn't even know you were gone. And I know why our parents did it…but I hate them all for that….because they took away my choice…and you have to know that….."

"He does know that." Mare comforted him as she sat on her knees….beside him. feeling him lean into her, she held him.

"I hope he does….I should have done better to help him. but I was scared he would be mad at me….tell me I was wrong. I couldn't lose him….and now I did." He held her. The moonlight cascading them. Consoling them.

….

"Come here." Craig cradled his wife in his arms. After years of dark secrets and betrayals the two had found inner peace with one another. Tucking her hair behind her ears, he rubbed her back. Hoping she knew she did everything in her power to help Adam. To help him. To help them all.

"Adam is strong….."Craig kissed her forehead as she laid on his chest.

"That's what I thought about my mom. But she is back in rehab. Why can't I help the ones who are most important…."

"Because… people make mistakes…..you can't stop that….."

"It just makes me realize my insecurities. How I can never be in control of anything again. How no matter how hard I talk to these teens…and see us in them…..I know that I am still breakable."

"We all are." Craig held her cheek as he looked at the clock. 3 in the morning. Hearing the loud snores from the living room…at least the teens were getting rest. But El was too tired to rest. And scared.

"I want to call Michael and Camille. Tell them that Mike found out. But I am scared too. I overstepped my boundaries. I should have made them stay…but I know I have to tell them. And when I do…let's just say I have to look for another job. But I just keep getting worse at this."

"Are you serious Ellie? Everything you have done for these kids is more than anyone ever did for us. The only mistake you made was loving to much. And you have to be doing well that Becky wants to come too."

"I just feel as if my best isn't enough. And it is not. If Becky joins us…..I don't want to have another teen that I am responsible for…"

"But what about her connection with Adam."

"That's just it….what if her presence will only remind him that he isn't physically a boy. He is to us…but this is all about how he sees himself. Maybe we can put her in another group."

"No….i think her best bet is you guys. I mean it would be good for her to be with her twin. Someone who is in her mind…you can't let fear dictate your judgment El."

"That's easier said than done. you don't work there. Not saying that playing different gigs is inferior than this…but I am dealing with kids' emotions…their circumstances…..I just hope I don't regret this…"

"You wont." He enveloped her. Hoping she would fall asleep soon.

…..

Audra saw her son's chest raise slowly. Kissing his forehead, she began to sing a lullaby. The song to make the monsters disappear from under the bed. Knowing her tone would help him heal. Her eyes widening, she saw his eyes move. Thinking she was dreaming as his eyes opened….slowly. her beautiful son. He didn't leave her side. And she would never leave his. He returned to her finally.

"…I am so sorry mom." The teen cried as their foreheads touched. This wasn't his fault. Nothing was. Feeling his nonstop tears, she did not wipe his or hers. This was comfort they needed.

"You did nothing wrong Adam…..nothing…" She sat on the side of the bed as he sat up. Holding her hand. Wanting nothing more than to run away again. To another place. And to bring her with him. Rubbing his arms, he saw the cruel man gone.

"Where is George….." Audra noticed the word choice as she gripped his hand tighter. His face with disdain. His eyes reddened with tears and hatred.

"He is going to the vending machine….he hasn't left your side." Doing her best to relieve the tension she knew would never go away.

"You mean since I tried to kill myself because of him." Adam said tartly as his mother folded her lips. For once she was speechless. She knew this resentment was long overdue.

The quiet teen was glad his father was gone. Because this was how it was supposed to be. Just him and his mother. And his friends. No more of George's lies. No more of his judgmental ways. No more suffocation. Even though he felt as if the walls were closing in on him. and no matter how much he fought for air, it would never come. And he hoped he would never get used to this feeling of numbness, emptiness and despair.

"Don't think about that now…how do you feel?" She inquired. Touching his soft locks as the boy fidgeted with his hands.

"You mean after I attempted to kill myself….you can't ignore that fact. No matter how much you want to." He saw her eyes sadden more and he released a cynical sigh.

"just grand mom….I am even happier knowing George is here." He slowly folded his arms. "how long will this guilty father sham last? I give it a month…." He stalely said. Thinking about his friends. The best friends he had ever had. How he worried them. How they never left his side during his pain.

How Becky…..

Becky the beautiful tall strawberry blonde….

Becky the girl with the brightest brown eyes….

He heard her voice in his dreams. She cared for him. She wasn't stupid. So she must be naïve. And worst of all…pitied him.

Of course it was….it was just compassion for a boy who attempted suicide.

"Adam….it's not…I know we have always battled with your father…but he wants to be with you. He does. He is ready to be a real father to you." She knew he didn't believe in his father. "Your friends didn't even want to leave you..."

"I don't even want to see them…or go back to that camp." Sitting up as his voice raised.

"Adam you are just saying that….."

"Its true….how could George turn the best thing that has ever happened to me into something I can barely stand. I can't look them in the face. I can't….I won't be Adam anymore. I will be Adam….the kid who attempted suicide…the boy who failed at another thing. How can you even love a failure?" He put his hands over his face as he wiped his eyes.

"Because you are not a failure. And you are my son. I love you no matter what. And you are Adam…..their friend. The boy who….." She began.

"they wouldn't say that if they knew the truth." He cut her off. Seeing her face change. What happened when he was asleep. O no. he knew that look in his mother's eyes. His father….and now his friends. He would be welcomed with instant hate when he got back to camp.

"…..they already know….." His mouth dropped as the words left his lips. Audra could only nod.

"Its alright…they love you anyway….they see you as a boy. I swear." The woman calmed her son as he cried harder and harder. Could he really believe this? Did they really not care? He didn't want to put himself through more pain. He couldn't take his world shattering more.

"No they don't….they pity me….." He gripped the woman tighter.

"No Adam….they only love you more. I promise. I have always protected you. Believe me….they love you." The boy held his mother tighter. Maybe something good could happen from this.

…

Dallas put his jacket over the girl as she lay in the back seat. Kissing her forehead, she stuck by him in his darkest hour. Closing the car door, he sat in the passenger seat. Beside her father. The man who had the same name as his "resting" friend. Buckling his seatbelt, he had to concentrate on anything to keep from looking at the muscular man. The good father who came to his daughter's rescue. He was grateful she called him to pick him up. Looking through Ellie's numbers, he would call her home in the morning.

"I know what this looks like…but you have to understand. I won't let anything happen to Marisol." His eyes were straight as the man kept driving.

Jordan didn't know what to expect when his daughter called him around 3 in the morning. Hearing her tired voice, his mind thought of the worse. He was scared that maybe she had tried to run away from the hospital. And he hated himself for not trusting his child. His beautiful daughter who has proven herself over and over again to them. And seeing her friend show so much care for her, he couldn't hate him either. Especially when his daughter explained the situation to him.

"I see the way you look at my daughter." He attempted to be cordial. "And I know she is just like her mother who can never let go of anything…." The man continued to drive. "I am sorry about your friend."

"Jordan was more than a friend. He was brother. And right now I just feel as if I should been in the ground just like him. We were the same person." He was too tired to be sleepy. And he felt the deep bags form under his eyes.

"no you weren't…" The father saw the boy look at him with curiosity.

"You don't know what I was like before this. You just know what Mare has told you about me." The reformed thug said softly. Hoping the man would not take offense of his words.

"But I trust my daughter. And her judgment skills…..you didn't want this life any more. That is what makes you different. And it alright to not want that life any more." The boy tried not to cry anymore.

"I wish my parents were like you and your wife. I wish that they trusted me enough to tell me things that mattered. That I needed to know…I want to call them so badly. Tell them that I know….but I might say something that will anger them…and cause them to lose faith in me again."

"And you should call them. " The man put himself in the teen's shoes. "…..you should never pass up the opportunity to speak up for yourself. But I can actually say that parents make mistakes for the sake of our children. Sometimes I wish I had never listened to her dreams to become a model. Then she would have never gone through these hardships. We didn't prepare her enough…." The man began to beat himself up. The teen did not expect to hear these words.

"Mare is stronger than you think….I know that. I have seen that. She is my strength Mr. Lewis." He felt himself blush. Never had he shown respect to a girl and her father. That was how he knew she was special to him. Hearing her light snore, he laughed softly.

"That's not the point." Jordan listened. "we should have talked to her better…then she would have never…."

"But then if she wouldn't have gone through that….she would have never been able to have been my rock." He looked at the man. "I know it doesn't mean much. I know you probably still see me as the thug but Marisol got better for you guys. So you would be proud of her. So she would be proud of herself." The man could only nod.

As Mare laid in the back seat. She said not a word. She only hoped this would be one of the moments the two would share.

…

Serena laid in her bed. Another restless night, she sat up. Grabbing the scrapbook. Looking at her daughter's old baby pictures. The daughter she was finally claiming. The daughter she finally wanted back. The years she has missed. The school dances she would have seen her daughter go to. Her first experiences that were forced on her. Wiping her tears away. This was no time to cry. Only time to make things better. She was not done. she would never be done. grabbing her cell phone, she didn't care what time it was in the morning. She needed to talk to Barbara. Now.

Waiting. Her heart began to sunk at each ring. She wasn't going to answer her.

"Damn it." The rough woman through the phone on the floor. She would make her presence known one way or the other. But she would do it the right way.

…

Katie held her legs to her chest. Smiling at Bianca's gentle breathing. Wishing she had the answer to both of their lives. Wishing she could give them the love they both wanted from the mothers. She was too tired to go asleep. And her scars hurt. Mentally. The weight they held on her heart. The wait that Gwen had added. And yet…she wanted to go the funeral…..she meant the wedding. Laughing at her pessimism, she knew this wouldn't work out for the blonde. She knew this romance would end before it started. So why was she wasting her time? Maybe she wanted her mother to experience heartbreak like she did. Folding her lips, she felt a hand on her back.

"Come back to sleep." Bianca looked at the athlete. Playing with her soft red locks. Seeing her beautiful blue eyes look into hers. Debating a question.

"….if I go to the wedding…..will you come with me?" The jock asked genuinely as the rebel did not hesitate.

"Yeah….why wouldn't I?" the badass asked as the other looked away from her.

"I guess…I want to believe in us…and I am so scared that you don't….."Katie felt the girl lace their hands together. Smiling at the gesture.

"I want to believe in us Katie too…you know that….."

"Then do it Bianca...I'm not like your mom or your pimp….or anyone in your past…..I know we keep having this conversation…but I need to hear you say it. I want to make sure that you are here with me."

"I am here Katie. I am…I care for you so much….if I didn't do you think I would do my best to….." She began.

"that's not the point….I just want you to know that this isn't a fantasy for me. This is my reality. You are my reality."

"Are you mine?" Bianca looked at the girl's urgency. She loved her more than life itself.

"Yes….." The rebel kissed the girl. Laying her down. Taking her ponytail down, she felt her red tresses in her fingers. Both of them laughing as the rebel felt the jock put her hands underneath her shirt. Rubbing her lower back. Making sure this wasn't a dream. Looking in the tough girl's eyes, Katie didn't want to say so much to soon. Biting her lip, she felt the girl get off.

"We will have time for that later. Now. Back to bed. " The two kissed.

….

He didn't know how long his mother had been gone. But she did this on purpose. Nothing she did would make him look this man in the eye. And he would wait hours. Days. Until he died. Taking his memory with him. Hearing the heart monitor, he kept his face turned to the man who was offering food to him. He wanted nothing from this man. Nothing.

George could only persist. Hoping his son would talk to him. If that meant yelling at him. cursing him. he would accept that. But with the plate in his hand, Adam only huffed in disgust. This would take time. And he would wait forever. Placing in on the nightstand, Adam violently pushed it off. Seeing the contents spill on the floor. Hearing the shattering of the tray.

"I told you I don't want any food. I am not hungry." He turned his head away from his father. Seeing him flinch. Good. Now the tables were turned. He would cause the pain. Not the other way around.

"You have to eat something Adam…..please just eat." The man pleaded.

"Because you care about my best interest. It's sad how it took me..." He paused. Relieving the incident again in his mind. Feeling himself preparing to die. To leave this world.

"….to try to take my life for you to see how important I was….." Adam faced the man who looked with defeat.

"You have always been important to me son." George exclaimed. "I haven't shown it because I was wrong. And I hate myself for that son. You have to believe me."

"Don't call me that. I am mom's son. She is my mother. You are nothing to me…..nothing…and you are wrong. Wrong to be a man. To be a father. And to be here. And you know it." The teen's voice raised as the man dropped his defenses more.

"Adam…I know I can't take anything away from you. But I am not going anywhere. I will prove to you." He began.

"What don't you get. You are getting your wish. You can disown me and walk out. I don't care. I just don't want you here. You are dead to me." His voice raised seeing the tears in the man's eyes.

"Adam….you …..don't…." The man tried to approach him

"Yes I do…everything about you makes me hate you. And myself. Over and over again. You basically spit in my face and now you want to be father of the year. I am from stupid. And you are far from dumb. Go away….now….." He voice yelled as the man left. Not caring about the tears in his own eyes.

He ignored his mother's presence as she walked into the room. She knew what he just did. And she could do nothing about it. He knew. She knew. That that man would never be his father again.


End file.
